State of Confusion
by That Fangirl Author
Summary: Sequel to Sleep State. On the road to recovery, Ana & Christian struggle with coping after their accident. With no memories of being in their coma or meeting in their dream-like state, the confusion begins. Falling in love in their sleep state was easy, but will it be as easy to fall in love again with someone you don't even know or remember meeting once upon a time?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Ana

A moment lasts all of a second, but the memory lives on forever.

 _Ana._ Her name never sounded so foreign as the ghostly whisper passed from his lips. Had she misunderstood him? Or had she created the brief illusion on behalf of her damaged thoughts? For the possibility of a man, who was no more than a stranger in passing, could not possibly utter her name. But he had, and now that moment had become a memory. One that had tattooed itself to the walls of her brain.

"She's still having a bitch fit," Kate commented.

With a bundle of hair on top of her head, no makeup, and dressed like a walking catalog for Victoria Secret's loungewearawwa, somehow Kate still appeared stunning. How did she do it? She observed her best friend as she stood next to the cracked door of her hospital room with her arms crossed against her chest. Carefully, she listened to the commotion next door. The commotion she had caused.

Unable to keep track of how much time had passed since "the incident" happened, Ana sighed and rubbed her hands together. While she tried to stay in tune with the present, her mind fluttered to the past. A fleeting memory she could not shake from her thoughts. It had all happened so fast. One moment her name was be spoken from the befuddled man before her and the next she was being shipped off back to her room as chaos ensued.

Had it been her doing? Had Christian awaken thanks to her solemn words?

Her heart raced at the thought like a grand stampede of wild horses who trotted furiously toward the finish line. No. It was not possible. It was coincidence, an untimely coincidence that she had been witness to, but it still did not settle with her well.

The muffled sound of voices simmered next door. Ana dragged her hands down her face and looked up at her friend as her gaze scanned the scuffed tiled floor as she continued to listen. She had been the first person she called after it had all unraveled. Kate had been the only person she knew to turn to in a moment like this. Her parents were out of the question. They would have only made matters worse. While Kate catered to her condition and amused her on most occasions, her time of silence was about to come to end.

Kate shook her head and sighed. She closed the door quietly behind her as she walked over toward her bed. Taking a seat, she pulled her legs up and sat Indian style as she tried to decipher everything she had just learned in a matter of fifteen minutes.

"He said your name," she stated in utter disbelief.

Apparently, the bombshell Christian had dropped in the form of a breathless whisper had not only rocked her world but others, too. While the nurses and doctors only focused on the matter of his conscious state, she, Kate, and the vile woman who was his fiancé directed their concern elsewhere. She had not been the one to tell Elena what he said upon his return to this world, but she was sure someone else had. The shrill sound of a woman's scorn that could be heard all down their wing of the hospital only a few moments ago confirmed her curiosity. That was just after Kate had arrived and she quickly got her up to speed with the events of the day that seemed to be never-ending in shock value.

"Walk me through it again," Kate ordered.

Ana rolled her neck to release some tension and shifted in her wheelchair.

"Where do you want me to begin?" She asked.

This madness had many beginnings. What she shared before with Kate had been the cliff notes version, but she knew now she needed to explain everything to her in essay format.

"You're not telling me something, Ana." Her tone was soft but still demanding. "I can see it in your eyes. You're worried about something, and it goes beyond that bitch next door and your name being said by the man who hit you, so spill."

If there was anyone in this world who could strip away her every layer, it would be Kate. She saw right through the facade she had put up as of recently that hid her internal conflict. The one that played tug of war with her emotions. The one that made her conjure up feelings toward a man who she should not have feelings for at all. How could she put it into words?

"Um, well," Ana began as she fidgeted with her hands in her lap. "I had this dream."

"A dream?" Kate echoed her words.

"Yes, the other night. He, Christian, was in it." She peered up at her friend, who raised an eyebrow. "And it was odd."

The way Kate leaned forward and her facial expression relaxed, she could tell she was intrigued and highly amused. Warmth rushed to her cheeks upon the details of her dream. The fear of describing what she saw and felt trembled on the tip of her tongue. The longer she withheld it, the more it swelled inside her. She proceeded with caution as she knew Kate would carefully dissect every word she was about to say.

"It felt real like it wasn't even a dream."

"Sometimes dreams can seem that way," Kate commented. "We don't know that it is a dream until we wake up."

"I know, but this one was different. This one," she paused to collect her thoughts. "Anyways, I was in this place that overlooked the city. It was beautiful. And then I heard this song being played on a piano and I realized it was him. He was the one playing the song. It was so sad, but melodic. I was drawn to him and the song."

Ana peeked up from under her lashes for only a second. Deep in concentration, Kate nodded. She could see the wheels turning in her head at record speed as she was more than likely composing her conclusion. If only she knew that her dream was more than just a musically driven projection of a makeshift scenario. Her teeth scraped at her bottom lip as she controlled her breaths. Did she really want to continue? It was one thing for Christian to appear in her dream. It was another for him to reel her in and kiss her like he had.

"Once it ended, he got up and said my name. He asked me to help him." Her voice fell an octave. "I wanted to yell at him for what he did, but I didn't. I just stood there and let him get closer."

Kate literally hung on to every word. "And then," Ana inhaled a large breath. "He kissed me."

"What?" Kate exclaimed.

"I didn't ask for it to happen. It just did." She was quick to defend herself. "And I let him. I shouldn't be having dreams like that, especially not with that guy."

"You've been through a lot, Ana," Kate replied. She wasted no time to begin her diagnosis. "After everything, I think you're just confused. It's not odd that he appeared in your dream when he has been the topic of most conversations recently."

She had a point. From the moment she woke up, Christian had been all anyone could talk about. Nothing pleasant was exchanged on the man's behalf. She could not blame her family and friends for doing so. Even she hated the man, but that did not stop her from heading down another path of feelings for him. A path she did not choose to go down but instead was forced to walk.

"What is odd is that he kissed you," She remarked. "Did you like it?"

Curious as ever, Kate. Ana turned her gaze to the closed door before she said, "I don't know. I guess." She huffed. "Kate, I don't know what I'm supposed to feel anymore. Ever since I woke up, I haven't felt the same as I used to."

Uncrossing her legs, Kate dangled them over the side of the bed and scooted closer to her. Tiny wrinkles formed on her forehead. She reached out for her hand and cupped it between both her palms. Her reassuring smile faded into view.

"I'm no doctor or psychiatrist, but I think this is all part of the recovery process. You're going to be confused for a while." The buzz of her phone sounded from the table. She ignored it as Kate glanced over and realized she was not about to answer it. "I not going to tell you that what you dreamt about wasn't messed up, but I think maybe you just misplaced your feelings is all. It happens."

"Then how do you explain what happened outside of my head?" Ana questioned her as if she knew all the answers. She longed for an explanation on why Christian spoke her name.

"Coincidence." She shrugged her shoulders. "You said your name to him, right? Maybe he heard it. He had to in order to say it when he woke up."

"But why my name? Why not his fiancé's name or something else, anything else?"

"I don't know." Kate released her hand. "She's pissed, though. Not just because you were in the room with him alone, but because of the whole name situation."

"Can't say I blame her," Ana added.

"Imagine knowing your fiancé woke up saying another woman's name." She chuckled and rose from the bed. "That's almost as bad as him saying it in bed."

"Kate!"

"Sorry, I know not helping." Her tone was much lighter, playful almost. She returned to her spot near the door and she cracked it back open. "I still can't believe that bitch wanted to buy your silence."

Honestly, it was no surprise to her Elena was prepared to protect her perfect life and the man she had sunk her claws into with the gesture of a blank check. Maybe in her eyes she thought she had everyone fooled, but to Ana the only fool she saw was her. Her blood boiled still at the memory of her attempts to zip her lips and fill her bank account with her tainted money. She wanted none of it. Everything and anyone associated with that woman, she wanted nothing to do with, including him. Ana sighed.

All roads pointed back to him no matter the situation. Whether it was him directly or the woman he was about to head to the alter with, he was the constant variable.

As Kate pressed her ear closer to the door, she closed her eyes and wondered how she had made matters worse for herself. The whole point of her going into his room was to forgive him. To let go of the essential piece of the puzzle so she could move on. How was she supposed to know that her actions would only further stir the pot of chaos?

Ana played the scene over in her head again. The way his hand moved in hers. The way he strained his voice to say her name. Her heart began to race again at the thought. Frozen in time, she had stared down at the sleepy man who fought his way to the surface. Little by little be awoke and with each second that passed, she became more aware of how selfish she was being. In panic, she let go of his hand and pressed the call button for medical attention. Her textbook knowledge and hands-on experience kicked into overdrive and within less than a minute a nurse rushed into the room.

The nurse almost looked relieved as she entered the room and saw it was her and not Elena, but that quickly changed. She wondered how many times the call button had been abused by her requesting things that didn't need to be tended to, but the thought quickly faded as things began to unfold.

With careful precision, the nurse tended to him. She asked Christian simple questions to observe his response. His body twitched and she referred back to his monitor. More questions were asked, but this time they were directed at her. Ana stumbled to speak as she explained why she was there and what had happened. The nurse nodded her head making no definite judgement on the obvious strange occurrence that she still tried to wrapped her head around.

 _Ana._ His voice haunted her.

Another nurse entered the room while the other paged for a doctor. Ana tried to help, but was ignored and soon wheeled away and out of sight before Christian even opened his eyes. She waited to be scolded by the nurse who removed her, but it never came. Instead, she hastily pushed her back to her room.

Down the hall she heard the high heels click fast against the tile and for a split second she saw the fury in Elena's eyes as she watched her being taken from Christian's room to her own. _Shit._

"Stay put." The nurse ordered and closed the door behind her.

The high-pitch exclamation from the woman she despised followed and soon more raised voices could be heard on the other side of her door. That's when she knew she needed to call Kate.

As she floated back to reality, she reached for her phone to see who the missed call was from. Upon the moment her screen lit up with the notification, her parents barged in nearly knocking Kate over in the process.

"Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?" Ana asked.

It was late and unusual for them to show up at a time like this. Her eyes flickered toward Kate, who looked guilty. She glanced down at her phone to see the missed call from her mother, who was more than likely telling her she and her father were on their way up.

"Ana, I texted your mom." Kate intervened before the storm of questions and accusation could be made by her parents. "With everything that just happened, I thought they should know."

"And I'm glad you did, Kate." Carla responded.

What in the world did she tell them? She was furious with Kate at the moment and terrified to know what her mother and father knew about what had happened in the last twenty-four hours. The urge to shrivel up to the size of a raisin in her chair sounded much better than having to explain herself again, and this time to her parents.

"Is it true? Is he awake?" Her father asked.

"Yes." She answered.

"And what's this I hear about you sneaking into that man's room?" Her mother shouted. "Ana, I don't know what's been going through your head lately, but you're not thinking straight."

Her mother was partially right while her comment was slightly insensitive. She had just woke up from a head injury after all. Of course, she was not thinking straight, but that didn't mean she needed to be treated like she was incompetent.

Seeing the frustration and struggle on her end, Kate stepped forward and tried to get her parents to calm down.

Without being asked, Kate took the reigns. She dived into the details of why Ana had gone to him and what had happened afterward. There was no mention of questionable dreams of swapping spit with the man responsible for her current state or Elena's visit to be the awful bitch that she was. Ana was thankful that she did not include either. Now was not the time to instill more concern in her parent's frantic worry.

She mouthed a thank you to Kate and she smiled back in response.

"Well, I'm glad he's awake." Carla forced her statement out. A part of her knew her mother rooted for the worse for Christian. After all, he had almost killed her daughter. "But that still doesn't change how I feel about him. I think you are being ridiculous Anastasia for not wanting to press charges."

 _Anastasia._ Her mind drifted off to the thought of what it would sound like coming from Christian's mouth. What the fuck? No. She should not be.

"Carla, give it a rest. Ana doesn't want to and we should respect that even if we don't agree." Her father's opinion obviously sided with her and not her mother. She gave him a tiny smirk in return.

"I just want justice." She whined.

"And I want to move on!" Ana shouted. All heads turned her way. "I'm done fighting with you on this mom. Please, just let it go because I already have."

Her mother's mouth twitched. When would this battle end with her?

To relieve the tension in the room, a timely knock came on her door. The same nurse who had guided her out of his room hours before entered hesitantly. She politely smiled and said, "Sorry to interrupt, but Mr. Grey has requested to see Ana."

"What?" They unanimously all uttered at once.

She could feel the shift as everyone looked to her. The temperature in the room changed from ice cold to burning hot. Suddenly, she felt sick to her stomach with the news.

"He's awake now and even though we've advised him to rest before anyone else visits, he has insisted that he speaks with you." The nurse informed her. "That is if you want to."

"Not without a lawyer." Her mother replied.

"Mom!" Ana scolded. "Sure, if that's what he wants."

Christian wanted to see her. She imagined that did not go over well with the soon to be Mrs. Grey.

"I'll take your parents down to the cafe for some coffee." Kate mentioned and winked at her. "I think we all could use one, don't you think?"

The urge to protest was just beyond her mother's lips, but her father placed his hand on her back and they followed Kate out of her room and down the hall. They did not need to be within earshot of whatever was about to be discussed, even if Kate secretly wanted to.

Her nerves crackled and popped like hot kernels on a stove top as the nurse walked behind her and pushed her back out of the room and across the hall. She had been alone with him not too long ago, and yet she was unsure of doing it again. This time, he would be conscious. This time, he could respond. Did he know what he had said? Did he know what he had done? She was about to find out and internally she was a nervous wreck.

As she rounded the corner of his room, propped up in his bed he was awake and alert with his eyes on her.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - Christian

A thick layer of darkness buried him below the surface. His vocal chords vibrated with silence while his limbs remained immobile and worn down as he tried to ignite the nerves in his body.

Nothing.

 _What the fuck?,_ Christian cursed inwardly.

Comparable to those final moments between being asleep and awake, he felt trapped. Unable to fully render reality, but enough to know he was alive and willing to break the barrier that kept him subdued. That was easier said than done though as he struggled to punch and kick his way through the unforeseeable force that denied his request. All he wanted was to wake up. It shouldn't be this hard.

Why did his body protest?

As he fought tooth and nail for his freedom, the cruel reality of his condition weighed in. Not only was he immobile and worn down, but he was hurt, bruised, and battered. He knew that much, but why? No logical explanation could be concluded just yet as to what caused him to feel like a semi-truck had hit and run him over repeatedly. However, it only encouraged him to fight his way to the surface harder, even if the obstacles of pain stood in his way.

He was close. He could sense it, but something distracted him as he felt how heavy his eyelids were.

A disembodied voice spoke somewhere in the distance. Harsh, bitter, and laced with sadness, the feminine tone rattled inside his head. The familiarity of the sound that formed words into sentences balanced on a fine line. He could not quite grasp who it belonged to, but somewhere in the jumbled mess of his brain he knew he could match it to a name: _Ana_.

Clarity ceased to enlighten him when he needed it the most, yet an ounce of it somehow had seeped through with the connection he made. It angered him to be so lost in the dark about everything else. How in the world was he able to put a name and voice together, but unable to comprehend a single fucking thing that mattered?

The confusion only boiled his simmering rage which caused a shock to his nerves. His motor skills had rested for too long and were ready to wake from its slumber just like the rest of him. He longed for this moment, even though he had no recollection as to why. Unlike the random girl's name, his predicament was left a mystery. All he could survey from his current condition was indeed something horrible had happened to him.

Her words continued to graze the realm that waited for him as he pushed against the layer that held him back. The tension she carried could be felt and he wanted nothing more than to erase it from his personal space. It suffocated him as the weight of her speech filled him with knowledge and emotions he could not mimic. Who was this girl? And why was she spilling her soul to him? He proceeded listened mindlessly, but her words and phrases only absorbed into the pockets of his brain like a sponge for later review. He didn't have time to reciprocate. He had to act, and so he did.

Rising from beneath the surface, he did so slowly and surely as the light at the end of the tunnel that was consciousness became within reach. Tiny puffs of oxygen filled his lungs while his mobility hindered. He cursed for only him to hear as he was ready to end his struggle and welcome life back to his body and soul. He wanted this. He needed this. His departure from this world had been too long and as much as he feared for what life would be like upon his arrival, he knew he had to take the risk.

And then, by some miracle, it happened. The barrier had vanished and he felt the sensation of life consume him. The girl who rattled off her thoughts out loud presumed a lighter mood but remained focused on her message at hand. Something about what she said, even though he wasn't entirely sure of what she spoke of guided him. It eased him up from the depths of the darkness to the bright light that lied just beyond his closed eyes. His senses came alive and he felt the soft skin of a feminine hand in his. Did it belong to her? His mind raced with the reveal of who this tragic person was. The one who sat by his side and exclaimed her feelings like an unforeseeable storm. However, they were on the verge of disconnect as her tiny hand slipped from his. What happened next, he could not justify.

The muscles in his hands twitched. _Success!_ His movement exhilarated him even if it was only minor. This was progress that had been long overdue. It was progress he knew would come with news he was not prepared to hear, as the pain amplified throughout his body. _Oh, fuck._

The hand of his accompanied stranger removed itself quickly as silence expanded all around him. Just minutes before she cluttered the space with her words, and now it was nothing. The disconnect was real. An odd emptiness filled him as he wondered if he had only imagined her, but something told him he had not. She was still here.

"Christian?" His name sparked recognition.

How on Earth did this mystery girl know his name? Now, he was even more intrigued by the reveal. She said his name once more as he struggled to open his eyes. He had to bear witness to who thought so strongly about him, but it was easier said than done. His sight would not give, and so, he had to think fast of a way to communicate. His strength formed on the tip of his tongue as he felt his dry lips part. Damn, he needed water as the inside of his mouth and throat proved to be just a dry as the Sahara desert. It made it difficult to form a word or even a sound for that matter. Why was something so simple to do, so fucking hard?

As he took in short breaths, he felt a strand of hair tickle his face. The warmth of another human had closed in on his personal space. She had leaned in and he knew she had taken notice to his attempt to speak.

Open and close, his mouth moved as he created little saliva to grease the gears to enable him to form a word. But, it wasn't a word that came to mind for his debut from his slumber. It was a name, her name. One that particularly surprised both parties involved. "Ana," he stated in a near whisper as his chest tingled with a vibration. As he exhaled the last syllable, elation swarmed over him and he felt the guarded mask fall away as small slivers of light broke through.

The barrier had washed away. The bricks that weighed him down had been lifted. Rays of light broke through the fog that snuggly wrapped around his brain, but it did not clear up his confusion. The questions splattered within like heavy fast falling raindrops as each drop left its residue behind. What had happened? Why did everything hurt? But most importantly, who was the girl who proclaimed to have a connection with him?

His blurry world slowly became visible while chaos and additional voices joined his enclosed space. The volume of the new voices only added to the throbbing that came from the entire top of his head. He opened his mouth to tell whoever it was to pipe the fuck down, but only a barely audible sound escaped him. Where was that damn water? This time when he tried to speak again, he made an effort to make it know what he needed, but his request vanished. The image of a brunette girl being forcibly removed from the premises caught his attention. Was that her? It was hard to tell as he blinked and squeezed his eyes shut. His eyesight was sensitive to the tiniest ounce of light. The small glimpse of what he saw of the girl wasn't enough to identify her. Just like her presence before, she remained a mystery and he couldn't stand it. He needed to know who she was or why she held any significance at all, but as he tried to think hard about it, his attention was drawn away.

"Christian, can you hear me?" A female voice asked. "Christian?"

 _Yes, I can hear you loud and clear. You don't have fucking shout.,_ he thought. Unable to express his actual thoughts, he nodded his head. The few short movements he had made caused extreme pain to shoot down his neck and back. And boy, did it hurt as he moaned in discomfort.

"He's responding." The woman, who presumed to be a nurse stated toward another nurse who had entered the room. "His vitals look good, but his heart rate is spiking."

Just when two voice weren't enough, a third was added to the mix. This one sent the pain in his head to a whole new level of displeasure."What the hell did I say about letting _that_ _girl_ in here?" She asked in outrage as her high-pitched shrill filled the room and his head. "Do any of you ever listen? I'll higher help to stand outside this room if you can't do your damn job!"

"Ma'am, I need you to calm down." The nurse demanded more than requested.

He knew that voice. Unlike the others, he knew that dramatic tone anywhere.

"Elena?" Her name slipped right past his dry lips as the tall, thin figure came into his view. Words and sentences had proven to be difficult, but women's names came easily. It boggled his mind.

"Christian? Oh my God," her surprised, yet relieved response carried closer to him as the clicks of high heels rushed to his side. "You're awake. How long have you been awake?" She asked and then directed her question toward the nurses. "Why did no one come find me and tell me he was awake right away?"

The cool sensation of her fingers wrapped around his right hand. There was a comfort, and a sense of peace in her touch, but it did not thrill his senses like the warmth of the hand before hers. The soft, tender touch that had ignited him. He longed to feel it again, and suddenly he felt guilt rise in his chest.

"Oh, Christian," Elena sniffled and bowed her head. "Don't you ever scare me like that again."

"Water, please," he whispered. He needed to be able to speak, to ask his questions, but he would not be able to unless he got some damn water. He was shocked he was even able to get those two words out. It seemed his speech was taking its sweet time coming back to him, and it was beyond aggravating.

"Water? Yes." She squeezed his hand. Her short blonde hair bounced as she whipped her head around and barked at the nurses to fetch him a glass. Elena was never the subtle type. Her demands were more than boisterous at most. "Now!"

Within seconds, a frazzled looking nurse re-entered the room with a styrofoam cup filled with water, but she was not alone. A tall, salt and peppered hair man followed her in as he wore a long white lab coat. The man needed no introduction as it was obvious he was a doctor, his doctor to be exact. His expression portrayed joy with a hint of frustration that was directed toward Elena who brought the cup to his lips.

"Why don't we have one of the nurses do that," the doctor declared and snatched the water cup from her hand.

He could give two shits as to who supplied him with the liquid. All he wanted to was to be hydrated so he could speak without sounding like dying patient. Ironic enough, that's exactly how he felt as every muscle and bone in his body screamed with pain.

The nurse who tended to him initially stepped forward and she forced Elena to step away. She did not remove herself quietly as she huffed and turned her nose up toward the ceiling. The cup touched his dry lips again and this time he was granted his wish. He gulped down a few sips before he could no longer swallow anymore.

"How are you feeling, Christian?" The doctor asked.

"Like shit." He tried to shift his body up, but a pair of hands advised him not to. "What happened?"

"Can't you see he's in pain. What kind of question is that?" Elena responded in a snappy tone.

"Ma'am," one of the nurses began her attempts to calm her down, but he knew it would only heighten her hysterics. Instead, he decided to intervene.

"Elena, please," Christian whispered loudly. "He's just doing his job. I'd like to hear from him what happened."

Another disgruntled huff escaped her and she crossed her arms across her chest. As much as he wished for some alone time with her to ease her worry and please her state of mind, there was too much that needed clarification before that could be done.

"If the pain is too much we can help that, but it will make you sleepy again." The doctor stated.

"I know how a morphine drip works." He rolled his eyes. "I can handle the pain for now. I just want to know what the hell happened."

He was anything but pleasant at the moment. It registered on everyone's face that he wasn't the only one with temper in the room. Unlike Elena, he had a good reason to be annoyed, frustrated, confused, all of the above.

"Okay." He nodded his head and looked to the nurses who stood by. He gave them a non-verbal gesture and they silently left the room. As they shut the door behind them, he walked closer to his bedside and began to talk.

"Christian, you were in an accident, and from that accident you've been in a coma for nearly three weeks."

Accident? Coma? His jaw tightened as she glanced away.

"You suffered from some severe brain swelling. The rest of you only managed to have a few cuts and bruises, but your head was what we were concerned about the most." The doctor explained. "Do you remember what you were doing before this?"

He paused to reflect on the moments prior to ending up in a hospital bed. It was all a bit foggy, though. His memory seemed to have escaped him, but he was sure he was about to be enlightened on what his final moments before his accident had been. The way his doctor prepared himself to continue with his explanation showed signs that it wasn't something good.

"You were driving. You were being reckless behind the wheel." He cleared his throat. "When we brought you in, your blood alcohol content was over the legal limit. While that may have helped decrease any injuries to the rest of your body seeing as you were relaxed when the accident happened, but it didn't prevent you from hitting your head."

Flashes of the interior of his car came back to him. It had been early in the morning. He had been drinking. He had been an idiot. What the fuck was wrong with him? He peered over at Elena, who shook her head. He wondered what was going through her mind. When the time came for them to be alone, he knew she would ask why. It had been years since he had last been this reckless and stupid.

"You lost a lot of blood. Thankfully, though, we were able to do a blood transfusion." The doctor assured him. "But your brain injury is still a major concern. I'll be honest with you, it's not common for cases like yours to wake up from such a severe injury. When we placed you under the medically induced coma, I told Ms. Lincoln to be prepared. I'm happy to say that you proved us all wrong."

Great, he was a fucking miracle.

"How long am I going to be in here?" Christian asked.

"For awhile. We will have to run tests, observe you, and make sure you make a full recovery before you can go anywhere." He replied.

"Doctor, is it possible during that time he could move to a more private room?" Elena requested.

"We will have to see if there is a room available, but do keep in mind that can become costly."

Elena placed her hand on the doctor's arm. "Our finances can cover it. It's the security factor that I'm more concerned about." She smiled and flicked her gaze back to him.

"This room is fine," Christian noted.

"No, it's not," Elena remarked. What was she so worked up about?

"We will discuss the room situation in a bit. For right now, Christian isn't going anywhere, not today at least." The doctor informed the both of them. "However, there is something else you need to know."

His heart sank as he said it. Whatever he was about to tell him, he knew it would only make matters worse if that was even possible. Christian licked his lips and stared at the doctor hard.

"Due to your reckless behavior, you weren't the only one hurt in the accident." _Fuck!_

"Don't worry, Christian. I already have your attorney up to speed." Elena chimed in.

"Please," he paused. "Please tell me that I didn't..."

The doctor bowed his head. _Oh, shit._ It really was about to get worse. He was not prepared for this at all. It made him want to drift back into his coma all over again.

"The woman you hit suffered a brain injury and was put into a coma as well." His words were not comforting. "However, about a week ago she woke up and she is expected to make a full recovery."

Tears stung his eyes as he closed them with relief. He couldn't imagine the thought of knowing he killed someone because he had been irresponsible. If that had been the case, he wasn't sure if he could live with himself. It was hard enough to know now that he had already wrecked someone else's life. The blood was on his hands and he hated himself for it.

"I want that woman far away from this room, Doctor," Elena demanded in a harsh tone. "She was in here again. I don't know why she was, but I think she was up to no good."

"Wait, what?" Christian reopened his eyes.

"Christian, she knows what you did to her. I bet she snuck in here to try to get justice." Her voice trembled with anger.

The doctor cleared his throat once more.

"With all due respect, Ms. Lincoln, I can't give you a reason why she was in this room. And, while I usually value the privacy of all of our patients, she does happen to be a nurse at this hospital. It just so happened that she did happen to be in this room when Christian started showing signs of response. Be thankful that she was in the right place at the right time to get our staff's attention so we could tend to Christian immediately."

"Oh, I don't give a shit," Elena shouted. "The woman has it out for my fiance. With her being a nurse, I'm sure she could make anything look like an accident. I'm just glad Christian woke up before she could get her hands on him."

At this rate, the whole hospital could probably hear Elena's dislike toward the girl. Whether she was right about her intentions or not, Christian now knew the girl he had been so curious about was now confirmed as the girl he had hit. He let out a shaky breath at the thought.

"Do you happen to know the woman you hit?" The doctor asked as he ignored Elena's accusation.

"No, I don't. Why?" It was an odd question to ask.

"Well, one of the nurses told me that the first thing you said was her name."

Shit was about to hit the fan as Elena's eyes grew big with fury. "He said what?!"

"I don't know why I said it," Christian replied. He was still trying to connect the dots on that one, too.

Honestly, he did not know her, but somehow he knew her name. Maybe she had said it when she spoke to him while he was still under and somehow it had absorbed. Either way, he wished the doctor had left that sensitive piece of information out of the equation seeing as it had further upset Elena. The fact that he had said another woman's name upon waking up did not need to be shared information with his fiance. Her already present temper tantrum had been more than he could handle. He did not need to feed into anymore.

Tuning out Elena's display of dislike toward her, a million thoughts raced through his head. He wondered if she really did have it out for him to the point of contemplating a stealthy murder at the hands of her medical knowledge. But something told him that was not the case. The way she caressed his hand and spoke to him did not show any signs of a pre-meditated homicide. Her words may have sounded harsh, but he deserved it. After everything he had done to her, he deserved every ounce of hatred from her, while she deserved something in return.

"Can I see her?" His outburst only multiplied the tension in the room.

"Absolutely not!" Elena exclaimed. "I don't want her getting anywhere near you."

"I think it's best if you just get some rest." The doctor added in a calm tone, unlike his fiance's.

Christian moaned and said in a hoarse voice, "I think I've had enough rest for awhile. I would like to see her, please." He demanded. "I want to apologize."

"You can apologize later with your attorney." Her statement made his blood boil.

"No!" Christian's voice gained full strength. "No attorney. No one else. I just want it to be her and I. I owe that to her."

"Christian, you're not thinking straight. The doctor is right. You need to rest." Elena touched his hand, but he jerked it away. "I will not let you see her, not alone."

"You don't get to make that call. I do. Now please, can someone get her and bring her in here?" He asked once more through gritted teeth.

"I'll have a nurse bring her in." The doctor responded and left.

It was obvious he did not agree with the situation. By doctor's orders, he knew that this was an exception and he was grateful he was even being allowed to do this. The pain in his body ached horribly, but he didn't care. There would be plenty of time to rest later. For right now, he needed to this. He needed to know that no matter what she, Ana, thought of him, at least she got a proper apology. It had to be genuine.

"I will not allow this!" Elena shouted and stomped her foot.

"Elena, dear," he softened his voice. "Let me do this so we can move on. The sooner I get this off my chest, the sooner I can focus on recovering and you can have me all to yourself."

She pouted, but her facial features softened.

"You get ten minutes." She pointed her finger at him. "Nothing more. I'm going to make a few calls, but I'll be back, so make it quick."

The scent of her perfume filled his nostrils as she bent down and kissed his forehead. She turned on her heel fast and strutted out of the room. His body physically relaxed as her presence was gone. Inappropriate words floated to mind about her, but he erased them away fast. The light had caught the large diamond ring on her left hand, and it reminded him that in a few short months he would be married to that tyrant of a woman. The stress rose back in his chest again at the thought, but he didn't have time to focus on that. What he did need to focus on was who he was about to confront. His body tensed. His heart fluttered. Since he woke up, everything seemed to move so fast up until this point. He inhaled a steady breath to calm his nerves.

 _What the fuck am I doing?_

The wiggle of the doorknob to his room diverted his train of thought and he froze as it swung open.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Ana

Nothing could prepare her for this moment. Not faith, not courage, not even the anger that still lingered for him just below the surface. No matter where or when, she could never be ready to face the man who had rocked her world in more ways than one.

Ana carefully exhaled a shaky breath only for her to hear as she diverted her eyes down to her intertwined fingers in her lap. It was one thing to look at the man with his eyes closed, his mouth shut, and his mind elsewhere. It was another to acknowledge him alert, awake, and requesting her presence.

His gaze was too intense and all it took was a quick glance at him to know that she did not have the courage yet to meet his stare. Sooner or later, she would have to confront his conscious state with how she felt about him and the whole situation, but right now wasn't the time. Instead, she chewed on her bottom lip and pretended to not care or notice that he was very much scorching a hole into her existence.

Her thoughts fluttered back to what was not long ago as she unloaded her every thought and emotion for him. It never occurred to her that his awakening would follow and that he would omit such a sound that would only add to the bundle of confusion he caused for her to carry. Had he known what he had said? Had he heard her outcry of word vomit? Had he any clue to the damage he had done?

All these questions would soon be answered as he cleared his throat and she held her breath for him to begin, but the silence continued to drag. It ticked away like the obnoxiously loud clock on the wall. Every time the second hand swiveled its way around the circle of numbers, it reminded her of how uncomfortable she felt to be within a few feet of the man she despised. The man she loathed for momentarily ruining her life and conflicting her emotions in ways she never thought possible. A jolt of energy surged through her veins as she recalled her fictitious kiss and a warmth spread across her cheeks.

 _No, no, no. Not now. Not here,_ her inner guard cried and stomped its foot down on her curiosity. Whatever was causing this arousing betrayal to her state of mind, she wished for it to be gone because that was an emotion she would not accept. She couldn't. It was uncalled for and downright appalling after everything he had put her through. No man who brought her to the brink of death should stir such an emotion like this, but somehow he had and she hated herself for it.

"Ana," her name breathlessly filled the room and she raised her chin along with her sight. "That's your name, right?"

So, he did remember? Suddenly, she felt the room grow smaller and smaller.

With a simple nod of her head, she confirmed his inquiring mind. His line of vision shifted away from her for only a second as he moved his mouth in frustration and formed tiny creases in his forehead. When he returned his gaze, he stated as firm as he could, "I'm sorry."

Such a phrase held so much potential. For some, it held the heavy burden of a sin searching for redemption, while others mindlessly exhaled it without actually seeking or feeling any sort of emotion attached to the phrase. How anyone could be truly sorry was almost impossible to find. However, beneath the raspy voice and somber tone Ana knew Christian seriously meant it. She sighed at the thought.

It was no secret he had been brought up to speed with what had happened in the last few weeks. Time had come and gone while they both slumbered away in parallel rooms fighting for their lives all thanks to him. A period of time erased from their lives never to be mostly likely regained. Ana chewed on her bottom lip harder at the thought. The aches of her hollow bones pulsed on cue. She winced and was casually reminded that no matter how much her hormones betrayed her or how attractive he may be, nothing could mend what he had done.

Now it was her turn to say something, but what? She didn't know how to respond. He took her breath away in more ways than one, good and bad.

"I'm," Christian's rough attempt to speak again startled her. "I'm so sorry."

The tiniest hint of his voice cracked upon the last syllable of his apology. Every muscle in his battered face was frozen momentarily as he stared at her with great intensity. The sorrow and pain conveyed behind his glassy eyes and slightly quivering jaw made her bow her head. She tucked her chin in and dug her nails into the palms of her hands. An apology was predictable, but his sudden flood of emotions he carefully tried to suppress was not.

"I don't even," he whispered, "know how I can possibly tell you how sorry I am for everything. What I did..."

"Was stupid," Ana finished his statement.

He pursed his lips together and nodded in agreement. At least, he didn't deny that it wasn't. What little information she knew about him, she concluded that his actions had been out of character. The confusion and shock written across his face told her the news of his intoxicated state that had got him behind the wheel of a car was a gut-wrenching surprise to him as it was to everyone else.

"Please know that I never meant for anything like this to happen and that I wish I could take it back." Christian's voice weakened. She watched as he struggled to create natural saliva in order to carry out his apologetic attempts.

Her instinct to tend to the sick and injured kicked in, and for a split second her body jerked forward with the notion to help him. However, she paused in her efforts at the confines of her wheelchair came into focus and the aches vibrated internally. Even if she wanted to, which she could not fathom why she felt the urge to assist him in his struggle, she couldn't. She was not on-duty. She was restricted from her basic functions as a human being. The frustrated boiled the little pot inside her and her angst emerged.

Her eyes flickered to him with a newly lit fire burning behind them. One minute she was hot and the next she was cold. Her hand wished to strike his cheek with all her might while it also craved to touch the stubble that covered it. How could she continue to change her opinions of him so fast at the blink of an eye? It was borderline bipolar and left her exhausted. She wanted to hate him. She should hate him, and yet, a tiny flicker of something else continued to appear when she least wanted it to.

"I appreciate and accept your apology," Ana spoke as firmly as she could. Another sudden rush of warmth graced her cheeks. "And I forgive you, but that doesn't change what you did."

"I know." He replied.

"Why?" She pleaded with her fluttering thought.

Christian bowed his head this time as the pads of his fingers gripped the white blanket that covered him from the waist down. His foolish actions that led them here had silenced him as he was confronted with the question that had constantly been on her mind. Why had he done it?

"Why did you do it?" Ana asked finding her voice falter.

He threw his head back and closed his eyes. Not a single word passed his dry lips and soon she thought that the pain had swept him back into a lull of sleep. Her patience ran thin as he gave her the silent treatment. It only enabled her simmered anger she had toward him.

"Do you not remember or are you just too ashamed of what you did to have a reason?" Her bitter tone vibrated in her throat. It was unlike her to be slightly vile. The mean bone in her body had yet to be discovered until now.

"I guess I deserved that," he softly stated.

"I just want to know why." She pleaded. The tears threatened to rise.

Christian sighed and loosened his grip on the blanket. "So you can move on?" His curiosity caused her to still. Every hair on her body stood straight up as a haunting chill pulsed through the room. Her arms slowly began to cross over her stomach as her courage of confrontation faded into the background.

 _I need to move on, and so do you._ Her confession was still fresh on her mind and apparently it had lingered on his, too. The fear that Christian's brain had retained her speech had left her vulnerable and small. While what she had said had been uncut and genuine, she had never intended for him to actually understand it. She never meant for him to latch on to her every word. His demeanor consumed her once more as the mood shifted inside the tiny hospital room.

"What?" The only word she could utter to his response.

"I get it." His voice sounded like an aging dying man. "I really do. You're angry at me. You should be. What I did was beyond irresponsible and you want to know why so you can understand what happened to you, to us."

 _Us?_ His reference to not them as individual parties who suffered from a common cause, but as one entity unnerved her from head to toe. Their association with one another was based merely off the wrong place at the wrong time. There was no "us". There would never be an "us" in her book.

"I can't offer you a reason right now," he paused. The pain visibly bothered him. "But I can offer you my apology and any financial help if that's what you're seeking from me."

"I don't want your money!" Ana loudly replied. "I don't want a dime of it. What I want is just to know why you were such an idiot?"

"I told you I can't give you one..."

"You can't or you won't?" There it was again. The snip in her tone laced with no remorse for him whatsoever. It was bullshit why he couldn't give her a reason. The only excuse he had would be if he couldn't remember why. It was very plausible for his memory to be a bit fuzzy and as much as she wanted to fight him on it, she knew it was unlikely he would budge.

"Look," Ana inhaled deeply. "You're right. I want to move on and as much as it may not seem like it, I want you to move on and get better, too. But I can't do that if you're around. After this conversation, I honestly don't want anything to do with you."

What she said she had meant, so why did it hurt? Why did the second after she said it did she want to take it back? This magnetic force that drew her to him was beyond her control. In order for her to do what was right, she had distant herself from him, but was that was really wanted?

"Okay," Christian nodded his head.

The silence returned between them as what needed to be said had been pronounced. In her mind, she had pictured receiving some relief in the matter from his apology, but instead, she felt empty. While his deepest regret was injuring her in the process of his stupidity, it did not seal the cracks that had been made. It only opened them wider. The rocky sea she currently faced thanks to him was not letting up anytime soon and she could not think of a way to escape it. It felt like her emotions portrayed a Jekyll and Hyde persona. She couldn't make up her damn mind on how she felt because the moment she was sure she hated him, it switched to a longing need to get to know him.

"Have we met before?" His brash interest in her broke her trance of internal conflict.

"I don't think so," Ana confirmed. "I was in here before you woke up, maybe you remember that."

She prayed he didn't, though.

"No, I feel like I know you from somewhere." Christian's facial features softened and a hint of a smirk spread across his face. His kind gesture eased her into a more relaxed state. He remained puzzled by his claim and then shook his head. "Or maybe you're right. Maybe I just am displacing my memory with what happened before I woke up."

Ana itched to know what he knew about that brief moment in time before they locked eyes on one another. Her tongue danced in her mouth to form a sentence. Her lips twitch to speak while her jaw appeared to shiver at her failed attempt to function and ask a simple question. But before she could ask, he was one step ahead of her.

"I don't really remember you being here or what you said, if that's what you're wondering," he assured her. Ana exhaled slowly as her chest lost the weight of the unknown. "It's all a bit blurry. I sort of remember hearing a voice, yours, and then feeling a lot of pain that won't go away."

"Welcome to the club," Ana mumbled.

"Sorry, I don't mean to complain." He apologized immediately upon the realization that she too displayed discomfort.

"It's not going to go away, not for awhile, but it gets better." She shrugged. "You'll be in here until the doctors feel comfortable with discharging you and then comes the process of healing, recovering, counseling, physical therapy."

Christian furrowed his brows.

"I'm a nurse. You just know these things after you've seen it, dealt with it from the other side." Her sudden urge to explain herself became present. "I actually work here, at this hospital."

"The doctor mentioned that. He said that I'm very fortunate that you were in here when I woke up." He noted. "Thank you, even though I don't feel like I deserve any kind gesture from you."

The smirk from before crept back to life as he kept his thought mute. Ana noticed and she wondered what he found so amusing.

"What was I supposed to do? Not tell anyone and risk the chance of your survival?"

In the darkest depths of her mind, maybe her disgust toward him would have contemplated it. However, she knew she never could be so cruel. It was second nature for her to respond to such a thing despite her current handicap.

"According to my fiance, yes." Christian's eyes lit up with a soft, humorous glow.

Just the mention of that woman made her blood curdle. She was fowl and disturbed to think that was what her true intentions were. If there was anyone in this hospital that deserved torture in the fairest form, it was Elena.

Ana refrained from any snide remarks about Elena seeing as he felt something for her. After all, they were engaged. Instead, she lightheartedly made a comment in response. "Well, maybe the thought did cross my mind."

The hostility from before had diminished. How they had managed to go from an uphill battle to cracking jokes on his fiance's behalf was a whirlwind of confusion. It was fitting, though. It was easier to be lost in the thick forest of mixed emotions than it was to side it with one over the other. Although, the lighter moment they shared quickly shattered into a million pieces as reality rushed through the door in blonde, thin form followed by two others close on her tail.

"Oh, Christian!" The mysterious women who joined Elena ran toward the bed and threw her hand up to her mouth to soften her cries. "My baby. I'm so sorry we didn't get here sooner."

"Mom, please." Christian shook his head.

"No, it's not okay! We were out of the country, your father and I, and we had no form of communication in those villages. I thought it would be fine, but clearly I was wrong. The moment we found out, we got on a plane." She continued to sob at his side.

Without asking, Ana had concluded that the couple who appeared to be older, but still miraculously well kept for their age were his parents. She observed them as they all gathered around his bed and disposed of their emotions and concerns one by one. A small sting of sadness erupted inside her as she watched his mother weep over her son that she obviously cared deeply about. His father touched his shoulder as he kept his emotions in check while Elena rubbed his mother's back and slowly peered over her shoulder glaring in her direction.

Click. click. click. Her polished heels tapped the floor. She lowered her voice and spoke, "Time is up, my dear." Elena walked around the back of her wheelchair and began to push her. "Christian needs to be with his family and to rest up. I hope you understand."

Out of all the of words, she could find to say not one of them was nice. Ana bit her tongue as she guided back into her room at a rapid pace.

"I know Christian is very sorry for what he did, but you've got your apology," Elena sneered and swiveled her chair around fast. "It's done. Now, unless you would like to revisit my proposition, stay away from him. Got it?"

"That won't be a problem," Ana replied.

"Good." She sounded pleased with herself and stood straight. Her hands smoothed out the wrinkles on her clothes and she turned on her heel without another word.

From her chair, she watched her walk away in hopes that she would trip, fall, break an ankle, anything that would alter her cocky and bitchy attitude that she wore on her sleeve. But nothing of that hope played out. Instead, she strutted back into Christian's room and closed the door to leave only muffled sounds of their voices to be heard and her emptiness to swallow her whole.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Christian

One month later...

With a blank stare, Christian focused on nothing in particular as he sat upright in his king size bed with his laptop propped open. The pads of his fingers hovered over the plastic keys ready for a response but frozen with distraction upon his intruding thoughts. Ones that continued to ambush him from every corner of his mind and weighed heavy on his soul.

 _A tortured soul,_ his internal sarcasm fluttered forward. He groaned at the thought of his twisted perception of himself. How fucking pathetic of him to view himself in such a way, even if it held some truth.

In the hopes of erasing his current distraction, Christian closed his eyes tight. Somehow this small action would fix it all. Somehow when he reopened his eyes he would regain concentration and his sanity, but that was wishful thinking. Instead, he bore a hole into the screen of his laptop as he stared at the demanding world that beckoned him nearly 24/7.

The business world never slept, and neither did he. Fully charged and programmed to face the challenges that it presented him with day in and day out, he was always ready. Whether he sat behind a desk, gripped a phone in his hand, or stood before the executive board, he felt in his element. This was the life he had strived for. This was the life he envisioned himself in for as long as he could remember, and now as it called on him once more, he lacked any response.

Christian placed his hand to his head as the subtle aches reminded him that despite his best efforts, he was not a whole man just yet. There was no way to accelerate the healing process mentally and physically. Only time could do that, and it aroused the frustration inside him. He didn't have time to for this. His life could not stop temporarily because of what happened, even if the doctor had strictly advised that it should. All his hard work could not go to waste no matter what condition he was in. People depended on him and vice versa. His life and his work could not be simply put on hold.

With another attempt to refocus, he scanned the inbox of his e-mail. A laundry list of unanswered messages begged for his attention and only made his head hurt more. The subject titles ranged from his typical daily inquiries to get well soon e-cards from various people. At least, these good wishes could be deleted in the blink of an eye, unlike the dozen of flowers, balloons, and crappy chocolates that filled his foyer at the moment. His shocking accident had really caused a concern to many, which shouldn't have been alarming since most people business and non-business had at least heard of his name and what had happened.

To common knowledge, he led an ideal life, and for the most part that was true. A life filled with opportunity, recognition for hard work, and a hefty salary that continued to grow. Anyone in his position would be more than comfortable and nearly set for the remainder of his years on Earth, and he was. He had no room for complaints when it came to his successes, which outweighed his failures. _Business is easy, people are hard._ Someone once told him that in his early years of his career and how quickly he learned it. All it took was a taste of the right side of the business spectrum and he was hooked. His need for success became stronger. His skill to control and persuade those around him became easier. He was on the uprise to be one of the most powerful men in the nation, and he wanted to it to stay that way. But, he felt like something was missing. While his desire was still strong, he no longer felt like he was behind the wheel of his own life. Someone else had taken hold of it and it concerned him.

For so long, he lived in a bubble that he had created. A sacred place that was his, and now he felt outside of it. He desperately wanted to crawl back into it and feed himself with the complex distractions it brought. The world that had molded him into the man he was today was no longer what filled his head constantly. Instead, something else had seeped into the cracks and flooded his mind, along with someone else, too.

He felt the thick fog cloud his thoughts again just like it had when he awoke in the hospital one month ago. A fog that had lingered in a thin disperse prior to his accident but had rapidly spread as he succumbed to those many days asleep and from that moment on. He wished for it to vanish. He wished for it even clear up a bit so he could properly wrap his head around everything, but it only continued to stand in his way. Any normalcy he once felt was gone, and he absolutely hated it.

"I want to feel normal, damn it!" The raspy sound of his outburst in the hospital played out in his head like a vivid memory. He sensed the chill he spread throughout the room that momentarily froze the medical staff, his parents, and Elena. All who looked startled and sympathetic for him. He didn't want their damn sympathy, though. He deserved it, especially after everything he had done, but it didn't mean that he wasn't appalled with how helpless he felt. No one could understand, except for one other person. Her name was Ana, the girl he had wrongfully included into his fucked up actions. He knew she had to feel to some degree what he felt. The frustration, anger, and confusion he gathered into a tightly wound ball, but he knew better than to seek her out for a therapy session. After all, it was fucked up to try to lean on the person who he almost killed.

 _You're a downright fuck up, Grey,_ he scorned himself. Christian Grey, the fuck up. That's what the headlines should have read proceeding his accident. Not, Business Mogul Christian Grey Loses Control of His Car, or Christian Grey: On The Road To Recovery. It all made him sound so innocent when he was far from it. What the media didn't know was the amount of alcohol that had been in his blood stream. That piece of information had been left out with the help of his legal team and a persuasive check as it could ruin his image. The last thing he needed, according to Elena and those who worked with or around him was a PR scandal just as he was about to take the throne of one of the most profitable corporations. Even he knew that it, but it still didn't mean it felt right.

On most occasions, he didn't give a shit what the media published about him whether it was an article that praised him for his work or attacked him for it. As long as he knew what he was doing was beneficial in some way, he carried on. However, it wasn't just his work that was hot off the press. It was his personal life that had been twisted and written in such a way for entertainment purposes. The public ate it up like the vile shit that it was and it disgusted him. Didn't they have anything better to do than to believe the farce published in the tabloid magazines?

Just the thought of being in those piece of trash publications made him want to throw his fist at something. It was one thing to shine the spotlight on his career, but him as a person was different. He didn't want that to become the main focus. He didn't want people to know him as a person. He wanted them to know him as a businessman. A powerful businessman who made all the right moves and was recognized for his accomplishments, even his mistakes which rarely happened. But that just wasn't the how the media worked. They couldn't help but stray away from the facts.

So, who was Christian Grey by media standards? He was a power-driven business mogul who had quickly climbed his way to the top and continued to do so. Men wanted to be him while women wanted to be with him. He was defined as perfection wrapped into a well-tailored suit, but he was far from it. By definition according to his standards, he was a lonely man that filled the void with his work and a good fuck every now and then. He wore a mask that made people believe that he was less than flawed when in reality he was a fucked up son of a bitch who never truly loved anyone, just the idea of them and that was more fucked up than anything else. His life was far from stable. His life wasn't even near perfect, but as long as it appeared to be that way it was fine by him. If anyone ever truly got a glimpse of what went on inside his head or learned the truth behind each cleverly planned out action, it would taint his reputation and he wasn't sure he wanted that either.

His life was a never ending tennis match. One moment he was sure he was doing everything he felt was right and the next he questioned it all. It was aggravating to bounce back and forth like he did, but he could not help it. It was just the way his brain ticked as of lately.

On the outside of his bedroom door, he heard the high-pitched voice that belonged to his fiancée, Elena Lincoln argue with someone over the phone. It was muffled but he knew enough that whoever she was speaking to was about to get the wrath of her persistence and need to have things her way.

Just like her father, William Lincoln, she was a mastermind when it came to business. It had been what attracted him to her. He still could remember the day he sat in on his very first business meeting with Lincoln Corporations. A harsh, yet beautiful blonde sat across from him as her eyes willingly undressed him as she conducted an outline for the quarter. She was smart, strong-willed, and looked damn good in her tight dress. She also was older, but that didn't stop him from wanting to fondle her in his office later on. Despite his best efforts to keep his leggy distraction to a minimum, that wasn't the only highlight from that day. His impressive presentation caught the attention of his boss, Mr. Lincoln who recognized he was far more advanced than half the staff that silently sat and scribbled notes onto their pads of paper. The man he only dreamed of working for had him on his radar and quickly after that he was presented with a much more worthy title and position in the company that he gladly accepted.

For five years he worked beside Mr. Lincoln as they continued to crush the competition and raise their profits, all the while making a name for himself. His casual fling with Elena stayed under wraps and behind closed doors. He had everything he wanted. He was not only satisfied in his career but in the bedroom too. All the cards worked in his favor and continued to do so until he was called into Mr. Lincoln's office. As he took a seat, Elena's name slipped past the lips of his predecessor and instantly he felt that his fate was doomed. He had been sleeping with the boss's daughter and the boss knew, but he wasn't necessarily disappointed or disgusted with him. It was more like a proposition and before Christian knew it he was down on one knee with a flashy diamond ring before Elena asking for not only her hand in marriage but in the greatest business move ever.

According to Mr. Lincoln, his plan for retirement had descended on him sooner than expected and from the pressure of the board. A younger and fresher face had the potential to revive the corporation and he knew of the perfect candidate. With his trust already fully in Christian, he knew he was the only man he could leave the company to but under one condition. Christian had to make it official with Elena. Mr. Lincoln may not have wanted to know what was going on behind closed doors between him and his daughter, but he knew enough. If he wanted to control the empire that Lincoln Corporations had become, he had to take care of her, too.

To the public eye, it was a scandal for the soon to be CEO to be fucking one of the staff members, even if Elena was much more than that to the company. Mr. Lincoln refused to have that kind of press. Instead, an official announcement of a union between the two would bring good press and a smooth transition to his occupation of the throne. While he never imagined his life going down this particular path, he knew that it was necessary to get what he wanted. The dream to be a CEO of an elite company had always been at the top of his list and now he was presented with the opportunity. He'd be stupid not to take advantage of it. And while his relationship with Elena was based on nothing more than just sex, there was a tingle of some repressed feelings for her so marrying her couldn't be so bad, right? After all, he knew she wanted more with him.

A deep sighed escaped him as he tilted his head back as reflected.

Once upon a time, he was so sure that every move he made was in his best interests, but now he wasn't so sure. It was like he was just going through the motions now. Nothing in his life seemed pleasurable or satisfactory anymore. His internal conflict with himself lingered day after day. The temporary tattoo of annoyance he wore on his sleeve that he hoped would fade with time never did, though. Instead, it sewed and patched itself on him permanently. Due to his lack of enthusiasm for all things in his life, he sought for an escape and an escape was exactly what he got.

That night he decided to drown his pitiful self in a poison of his choice had been his desperate move to step back from it all. While it was not like him to fall back on liquor to cure his demons, he needed a night alone and to live a little. The life he once enjoyed and looked forward to had been sucked dry from him. Somehow he needed to find it again, and if that meant sneaking off to a hole in the wall bar so be it. Not a single soul but himself knew his whereabouts that night, and he had made sure of that on purpose. Not even his personal security guard/driver, Taylor had any clue about his secret rendezvous party of one. Just the thought of his plan being known by another person made him cringe. It was not that he didn't trust Taylor or the people closest to him to leave him be for a night. It was the fact that his out of character actions would cause some questions, which would lead to actual questions and his confession of his problems. The last thing he wanted was to acknowledge them out in the open and especially not to Elena. If there was one person he needed a night away from, it was her. And so, off he went in the night with his GPS locked and loaded with his destination. What he didn't know was how out of hand it would become and how far he would take it.

His blood boiled at the memory. He was furious with himself for what he had done. It was one thing to let off a little steam. It was another to be fucking irresponsible about it. All the stress that had piled up on him had left him blind to his judgment. Why did he have to decide to drive that night? Why did he consume more alcohol than planned? But most of all, why had he been so stupid to think that it he was fine to get behind the wheel of his car?

 _So much for not having to explain yourself,_ he wallowed at what he tried so hard to avoid. If he could go back in time, he would have called a taxi or locked himself away in his room and got the job done with a bottle. But no, he had to be adventurous. He had to cure the urge to stray away from the strategic business plan that was his life. Instead of mending his personal issues with his current affairs, he only made them worse or at least added to them. Now, his family and close business affiliates thought he had a secret drinking problem and were aware that Christian Grey had some demons locked away in his closet.

Christian violently closed his laptop shut and ran his hand over his face roughly. What he needed right about now was a long run to possibly clear his head, but he couldn't. Not only was he not allowed to participate in such strenuous activities, he simply didn't have the strength to. Just like work, exercise for him had always been a great stress reliever. He imagined his legs and arms pumping vigorously as he picked up speed. The smell and sound of the water from the lake splashing against the concrete wall as he passed other runners who exerted their energy along the path next to Lake Michigan. Running faster and faster until his chest and legs burned. Shit, with all his pent of energy he could run a fucking marathon after all of this or even toward the north side of the city where Ana lived.

His heart stopped at the thought. Where did that come from? He really did need to stop letting her creep her way back into his thoughts. It was becoming consistent and concerning. It was one thing to be disturbed by what he had done to her, but it was another to be haunted by her. His pulse began to vibrate rapidly inside his chest as let himself slip away into the dark hole that she occupied. He touched his bottom lip with his index finger and stroked it as he pictured the tiny, brown-haired girl that stared back at him in the hospital the day he woke up.

The sadness that hid behind her big eyes only brought him sadness. The pain that she wore plainly across her face he felt. And then there was something else. Something he couldn't figure out. An emotion she captured for him and toward him that she tried to suppress. He saw it that day, but what was it. Confusion was definitely mixed with it, however, it was not solely it. He wanted to know what it was. In fact, he wanted to know everything she felt because he knew he felt it too. What had happened to them had connected them in the most unlikely way, but the connection was not mutual. It was obvious he had hurt her physically and emotionally. She had every right to hold a grudge against him. She had every right to hate him, but that didn't mean he wanted her to feel that way. What he wanted was a chance for him to show her how sorry he truly was. That he wasn't a drunk or irresponsible human being. That in most cases he had complete control of his life and could be a nice guy when he wanted to be. Whatever picture she had painted of him, it wasn't a good one and he wanted to change that, but how?

His curiosity continued to wander further down the rabbit hole as he wondered if Ana knew who he was prior to their messy introduction. There were so many things he wanted to know about her and the list only got longer each day. He already knew the basics like her name, where she lived, and her occupation. It was all common knowledge that had been presented to him by a nurse, one who tended to him every day in the hospital and who obviously fond him attractive. She was putty in his hands as he asked how Ana was doing and casually brought up that he like to send flowers to her home when he found out she was discharged. It seemed like an innocent gesture all things considering. Sometimes his charm worked in his favor.

It was scary how much time he spent thinking about the girl, who's life he nearly destroyed. It wasn't just his apology that he wanted to give that brought on his daydreams. Simple things that crossed his mind like if she liked the flowers he sent her. He never did get a thank you from her. More than likely she had tossed them after she saw who they were from, but he didn't care. As long as she got them and knew that he cared, he was content with that. But that was just one thought of many.

For a man who was about to married, he really shouldn't have been thinking about another woman. What man does that? _One who isn't happy,_ he screamed at himself. It was the obvious answer. One that he wouldn't admit to, though.

Besides the fact that he was intrigued by Ana, there was something else about her that bothered him. Something that made him believe that she was not a complete stranger to him at all. It was as if he knew her or at least seen her before, but where? Also, the sound of her voice that guided him up from his sleep state didn't sit well with him either. Why had she been the one to wake him from his spell? There was something someone or his subconscious wasn't telling him. All he did know was he wanted to find out what that was and the only way to do so was to see her again.

A knock on his bedroom startled him from his inappropriate thoughts as Elena entered the bedroom with her phone in her hand and she sighed. "I'm coming this close," as she pinched her fingers together leaving a tiny space between, "to firing our wedding planner and doing this whole thing myself. Apparently, she is having a hard time moving things around due to the date change. Does the woman not have any balls?"

Christian closed his eyes. It was inevitable that their wedding date had to be moved back due to his recovery time, but that didn't mean he wanted to hear about it. He left all the planning and what not to Elena, who pawned it off on someone. He knew the second she made that decision he would never hear the end of it.

"Maybe you should," he mumbled and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You know I don't have time for that. That's why I hired someone else to handle all the planning." She brushed off his comment and walked over to the large window that overlooked the city. Elena huffed once more before she turned around and pouted her lips. "I'm sorry, darling. Here I am complaining and I haven't even asked how you are feeling."

"Just the same."

Elena walked toward the bed and sat down on the edge next to him.

"You've been working. You know you're not supposed to be." Her voice was condescending.

"What the hell am I supposed to do? Just sit here and be a fucking mope? No, thank you." Christian grabbed his laptop and placed it back on his lap.

"Daddy has people taking care of your work for you." She informed him for the millionth time and moved his laptop to the nightstand. "He says not to worry and get as much rest as you can so you're ready for the big day."

"I'm tired of resting. I'm tired of being stuck in this penthouse." He pushed himself up.

"I know you're frustrated, but you're not going to get better overnight." A long pause followed and he knew exactly where the conversation was headed. "I still don't understand why you did it."

So much disappointment and anger were conveyed in her voice. "I told you I don't want to talk about it," he warned her in a snippy tone. "So can you please stop?"

"But you can talk about it with your therapist?" Elena raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, because it's my fucking therapist."

He could see in her eyes that wasn't the answer she was hoping for. Maybe with time, he could explain it to her, but right now he wanted to stay mute about the topic with her. As much as he knew Elena had her own agenda, now was not the time to bring up the fact that he was slightly fucked in the head even if it was obvious. Not to mention, he did not want to delay his succession to the throne. Even if an ounce of doubt was planted in Mr. Lincoln's head that he could not handle the role, there was a very plausible chance that he would lose everything all together. No fucking way in hell was he about to ruin his chances of what he worked so hard for because he couldn't sort out his issues.

"Well, then it's a good thing he'll be here this afternoon after your physical therapy session." She stood abruptly. "You two can sort out whatever it is that made you act like an irresponsible child that night."

Her stance welcomed an argument and something else. On more than one occasion had their fights turned into angry sex. It was almost accustom for them to end up naked in bed or on the floor of his or her apartment after a heated spat, but not this time. In no way was he aroused, he was actually pissed off at her and wanted her to leave. He needed to fume for a bit before he could come to his senses again and be the tolerable asshole that he was. When she realized that the outcome was less than likely going to happen, she flipped her perfectly styled hair and stormed toward the door.

"I'm going to lunch with a few friends. I'll be back after your therapy session and maybe we can revisit this argument." She announced and closed the door behind her.

Lunch with a few friends? More like gloat about how hard it was to be a working woman and take care of her helpless fiance. He could imagine Elena really playing up the pity card since clearly he wasn't showing her much attention lately. He laughed at the thought. If only they knew that she didn't even lift a finger to help him. That was what hired help was for, more like Taylor. That man would do anything for him. His loyalty was stronger than any force of nature and he didn't thank him enough for it.

As he peered at the clock on his nightstand, he knew he had a solid thirty minutes before his physical therapist would arrive. Another day spent with five-pound weights, and a pair of hands on his back to help strengthen his muscles back into shape. It wasn't enjoyable, but it was necessary. Then an idea struck him. He quickly slid his thumb across the screen of his phone and found the number for his assistant.

"Mr. Grey? How are you? I thought you were sticking to email responses only while you recovered." The small voice of his assistant rattled off.

"I'm fine. Listen, Andrea, I need you to relocate my physical therapy session at the hospital. I know it's last minute, but if you could just take care of it that would be great." He advised her. "And have Dr. Flynn meet me there, too."

Without questioning his request, she simply replied in an almost excited voice, "On it, Mr. Grey."

As one phone call ended, another began as he rang Taylor. "Taylor, I need you to bring me to the hospital." He could hear the concern of Taylor's voice and the pace of his feet outside his bedroom quicken. "For my physical therapy session. I've moved it to there." The footsteps halted upon his realization that it wasn't urgent.

A burst of excitement exploded inside him. He was just going to the hospital, but at least, it wouldn't be here. He was tired of people dictating his life and being forced to live out his recovery high up in the sky of his penthouse. He craved interaction. He wanted a change of scenery, but more than anything he hoped to see Ana again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Ana

 _Life goes on..._

That's how the old saying goes. That life goes on with or without. The funny thing about life is that no matter how content you are with it, it just simply doesn't give a fuck about you. Life has its own agenda and sometimes it's a downright bitch when it comes to its reasons, like why bad things happen to good people.

It had been a thought that had crossed Ana's mind many times since she had made her grand entrance back to this life. Had she thrown off the balance of some higher being that sought revenge in the cruelest form? Or was it fate that led her in those early hours of the morning as dawn broke the horizon and coasted her through the deserted intersection only to have her life nearly shattered at the hands of a drunk driver. Either way, the memory haunted her and frequented her mind on most days as she tried to heal the broken pieces of her body and mind.

The external bumps and bruises had begun to fade but the internal ones had not. While slowly each day her body mended back to normal little by little, it was her mental and emotional state that had not left the hospital bed.

Ana illuminated the screen on her phone. As the time and date appeared before her, she mentally made note that it had been only two weeks since she had last resided in her tiny room of Northwestern Hospital. A place that not only provided her with her first full-time job but the opportunity to do what she loved, which was helping the sick and injured. She never imagined how the tables would turn and find herself lying in one of those many hospital beds begging for her life. It was always meant to be the other way around. A chill shivered down her spine at the thought.

At this rate, she would lose her mind with the allotted time her recovery process had brought her. It didn't just end as she left the revolving doors from the main lobby. She knew that better than anyone else. In order to heal from what she had been through, it would take time. And now, she had all the time in the world. With her leave of absence from work under strict orders from the head physician, she was stuck inside the four walls of her brownstone apartment that she shared with Kate. It left a lot of time to watch bad daytime television and the chance to pick up novels she had once shelved for later. But more than anything, it left her time to think and lately she had been doing a lot of that.

As if on cue, her gaze transferred from an accented throw pillow to another object in the room. An object that set her mind on fire. There it was. The reminder of a man and a moment that she could not quite shake as it sat on the center of her coffee table.

About one week ago, it showed up at her door just like the rest. A beautiful arrangement of pink, purple, and white orchids displayed in a vase with a small white card attached. She sighed at the thought of her apartment becoming a makeshift flower shop as so many family and friends wished her well. It was kind, but with the abundant amount she had collected it was a bit overwhelming. Not to mention, the counter, table and window space had become minimal. Where in the world would she put these, she had thought. However, the bouquet only made it as far as the coffee table as the name inscribed on the card halted her pulse and her movement. _How dare he!_

The name in bold, neatly printed letters belonged to a man she had tried to forget. A man she resented for what he had done to her. A man clearly who was not ready to let her move on as she so wished.

Ana felt the tension in her body rise as she stared at the lovely colors that enticed her to new and alarming feelings that occasionally bubbled in her stomach at the thought of Christian Grey. Feelings that stemmed from somewhere deep inside a pocket of her brain that she tried to avoid.

As she quickly diverted her trip down memory lane back to the present, she exhaled a deep breath. She should have put the bouquet somewhere less visible, like on the window ledge where all the other bundles of assorted flowers occupied. It even would have looked nice in a corner of the kitchen, but no, she placed them smack dab on a table in a room where she would pass them every day.

The obvious action she should have taken was disposing of them all together. This particular bouquet should have been tossed in the trash the second she discovered who it was from. It was clearly a kind and simple gesture sent out of guilt. More than anything it was an intrusion of privacy. How in the world did he know where she lived? The fire he fueled inside the pit of her stomach was lit again. A man of his kind probably had resources to find out those sort of things. Or he charmed the pants off of a nurse who checked her records. Either way, she hated the fact that he had crossed the line with this so called thoughtful gift.

Internally, she could feel her subconscious pinch her. It was a little reminder that despite her best efforts to loath the man, she hadn't entirely succumbed to writing him off. Somehow, some way he had latched himself on to her. Each time she tried to pry him from her thoughts and dreams, there he was. It was downright mad of her to be so infatuated with him not only out of spite but out of pure curiosity, too. Why the hell did he have such a hold on her?

With a frustrated grunt, she tipped her head back and placed her hands on her face. Even out of sight, the orchids invaded her mind in an explosion of colors. Damn such a beautiful display. Why couldn't he have sent something boring, something that didn't make her question her state of mind whenever she looked at it? _Stop it. Get out of my head you beautiful bastard,_ the voice inside her head shouted.

A knock followed by the door to her apartment opening ceased the uprising battle of emotions that lingered too frequently. Ana uncovered her face to find the warm smile and hesitant approach of her dear friend, Jose as he closed the door behind him and entered the living room. She returned his friendly greeting and she began to slowly move toward the edge of the couch. Any sort of movement was still quite a task for her to accomplish.

"How are you feeling today?" Jose promptly inquired as he usually did.

"Fine," she replied robotically. Both she and Jose knew that was a lie, but humored her response. There was no use divulging into the systematics of how really felt. For an outsider looking in, it was clear that she wasn't fine and as an insider, she felt nowhere near it. However, to dive headfirst into the details of how everything ached and the frustration of how she felt incapable of doing simple tasks on her own most days was not a path she wished to go down at the moment.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked as he jingled his car keys between his fingers.

With a flexible schedule as a freelance photographer, it had left Jose wide open for chauffeur duty, which to his defensive he did not mind. Ana knew despite their long conversation about how their friendship would and needed to stay platonic, Jose still held on to a tiny flicker of hope. He loved her and she loved him, but not in the same sense that he felt and now he knew that. Even though he had vowed to purely be her friend, the hint of him wanting something more continued to cast a shadow. No matter how many times she would define the lines and boundaries of their friendship, she knew that it would not change how he felt about her and she had to accept that, too.

"Yes, just give me a second," Ana announced as she grabbed hold of the arm on her couch and pushed herself up to stand.

"Here, let me help you," he rushed to her side and grabbed hold of her left arm lightly.

"I got it, Jose," she reassured him. It had come out a little bit harsher than she wanted. Immediately, she felt bad. He was just trying to help just like everyone else. Between him, Kate, and her parents, they took their turns catering to her. Whether it was to assist her from getting to point A to B in her apartment or making sure she got to her appointments, someone was always there. Without them, she could manage, but with them it did makes things a hell of a lot easier.

As she sighed and let the aches of her movement dull to a subtle pain, she glanced over at Jose who glared down at the orchids like he was ready to set fire to them. Just like her, he knew exactly who it was from, but unlike her, he was not on the fence about how he felt toward this particular floral presentation. She braced herself for his bitter comments.

"I thought you were going to get rid these," he pointed at the center of the table.

"I guess I haven't got around to it." Ana shrugged.

Bending down, he placed his hand on the vase. The whites of his knuckles could be seen from a mile away. She wasn't sure if he wanted to toss it onto the ground or hurl it straight into the garbage from where he stood. Either way, she wouldn't let him do it. "Just leave it," she told him in a disinterested voice.

"But it's from _him._ " Jose's tone flared with hatred. "Why do you want the reminder of him anywhere near you?"

While his point was valid, she could not give him the response he wanted to hear. A part of her simply could not let go of Christian. It was like he had permanently imprinted himself onto her brain and while she had searched for an explanation many times before as to why she could not find one. Flowers or no flowers, it wouldn't change anything, though. The man had invaded her mind against her will.

"Jose, I really don't want to get into this right now. Okay?" Ana pleaded with him. "It's just flowers."

"I swear if I ever see him, I'm going to give him what he deserves."

"No, you're not. He already got what he deserved." She slowly placed one foot in front of the other and started to make her way toward the door.

Jose huffed with a tiny sound of laughter emitting from him. "And what's that?"

"A guilty conscious." She sarcastically remarked.

"At least, you didn't lose your sense of humor." His mood shifted away from his unpleasant stance and she was grateful for that. The last thing she wanted was to be stuck in a car with him for the next thirty minutes on her way to her physical therapy session listening to him spit fire. She was well aware of his opinion about Christian. She didn't need a refresher.

About fifty minutes later, she stood in the elevator of the hospital as it counted the numbers of each floor. Once again, traffic had proven to be heavier than predicted. She was already ten minutes late to her session and while she knew she wouldn't be reprimanded for it, she hated to think her time would be cut short. Her physical therapy session was the one place that she could focus on the task at hand. There her mind didn't wander to dark places where _he_ awaited. Her head felt clear and her body felt stronger. It had been her escape because it was the one place where her thoughts couldn't consume her.

As the elevator halted and bounced momentarily at the thirteenth floor, the sliding doors opened. She stepped onto the tile floor with Jose close to her side. While it still took a great effort to make her tiny strides, she was happy that she didn't need a wheelchair to help her get around anymore. Her progress had accelerated faster than she expected in her physical therapy sessions and she couldn't complain. The quicker she climbed back to her normal state, the better.

"I'll check you in." Jose offered as they approached the main desk on the floor and she continued her journey to the room filled with workout machines, foam mats, and sporadically placed chairs.

In the corner of the room opposite of her, she could see her physical therapist in preparation for her appointment. The woman had more patience and precision than anyone she knew, which was probably why she chose the career she was in. Ana knew the medical world was not for the faint of heart, and definitely not for someone with a short fuse. Every patient was different and while some were easier to deal with than others, you had to accommodate to each of their own.

"What's he doing here?" The sound of Jose's voice snuck up behind her and whispered in her ear. Like a siren, her body went on high alert as her eyes scanned the room for the man Jose spoke of. She did not need any clarification as to who _he_ was because she already knew. There was only one man that would rise such bile in Jose's voice. It had to be Christian.

As she twisted her body carefully around, dark hair and defined shoulders came into view. He had his back toward her as he sat in a chair and carefully lifted one leg at a time as his instructor coached him through each exercise. _What the hell was he doing here?_

"Ana," Lauren, her therapist, called out her name and walked over to her in her usually pumped up mood. Shit! Why did she have to announce her arrival so loudly? "It's good to see you. You ready to tackle what I have in store for you today?"

"You don't have to do this. Not here, Ana." Jose rambled. "We can get you moved to another room."

"Actually, all the rooms are booked today. I know you're used to being alone, but I promise you, you won't even notice the other session going on," Lauren mentioned.

That may be true if it happened to be a random person, but this was no random person. This was Christian fucking Grey. How in the world was she supposed to concentrate when he would only be a few feet away from her?

"That's the asshole who hit her." Jose quickly brought the obvious out into the open. She could feel the heat rise to her cheeks as Lauren awkwardly realized the situation. Ana glanced back over at Christian, who hadn't even acknowledged that someone else had entered the room.

"Oh, um, I had no idea." Lauren fumbled with her words for a second.

"No, it's fine." She held her hand up. "I don't need to be moved to another room."

"You're right. Move _his_ ass to another room." Jose uttered and directed his comment toward her physical therapist as if it were her fault Christian was here in the first place. Seemingly taking the blame put on her, Lauren quickly left the room leaving them to bicker. "Why is he even here anyways?"

"I don't know." Ana sighed.

"Let me handle this. You don't deserve this, Ana," he exclaimed and began to strut in Christian's direction.

With all the strength that she could muster, she stuck her arm out in front of him. "Jose, stop. Don't you dare go over there," her tone demanded immediate action. "It's fine."

"Why are you defending him?" Jose wildly searched her face for an answer. "The guy almost killed you. Why in the hell would you want to be in the same room as him if you don't have to be?"

"I'm not defending him. It's just, it's not that big of a deal." Ana lowered her voice. Her eyes fluttered toward the back of his head again. Nothing. He didn't even a flinch. Could he hear them? He had to. The room wasn't that big and they weren't being that quiet about the situation.

In an almost whisper, she spoke, "This city is big, but it's not that big. I'm going to have to deal with the possibility of running into him, especially right now. Just please, cool it."

She could almost see the fumes puff from his ears as he locked his stare on Christian and balled his hands into fists. Jose was her friend and he had every right to be mad at him, but his obsessive need to alleviate his hatred in a physical form was getting out of hand. At this rate, he was about to cause a scene and that was not something she needed right now.

Thankfully cut the tension and prevent Jose from losing his shit, Lauren re-entered the room with an apologetic look on her face. "Ana, if being in the same room as Mr. Grey is going to be a problem we can ask him to leave. Your session was officially booked for this room. His session got booked last minute, I checked." She informed her.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jose agreeing to the idea. He was so damn eager to tell Christian himself that he needed to move it or lose it. So, why was she not as eager to take the offer of removing the man who clouded her mind? All she had to do was say yes and she would have the two hours she looked forward to three times a week like she always did. This wasn't a difficult decision to make, yet she felt conflicted about it.

This was a man she did not care for and a man who she wanted to avoid at all costs not only because of what he had done but because of what he continued to do. Her stance toward him came in waves. One minute she was ready to kick him to the curb where he rightfully belonged, and then the next minute she welcomed him in like it didn't even phase her. How could he possibly have this effect on her? She didn't like it, not one bit.

"He can stay," Ana answered reluctantly. She was so going to regret this. "I just want to get started."

Lauren smiled and walked over to her first station that included five-pound weights.

"Ana, wait," Jose reached out and tugged on her arm. "You don't have to do this."

"Drop it, Jose. You want me to get better right?" She asked. He nodded his head. "Then go. I'll text you when I'm ready to be picked up. You being here fighting a battle that I don't want to fight right now is only wasting my time."

"I'm sorry, Ana. I'm just looking out for you." His tone showed signs of defeat just like it had when she told him that she preferred that they stay just friends and nothing more.

"I know you are." She softened her voice. "I'll see you in a few hours."

Finally accepting his battle had been lost, he turned on his heel and left the room. Ana sighed and shook her head. This day had already proven to be more than she had bargained for and it was only about to become even more interesting as she caught sight of a pair of eyes staring at her.

With his back no longer to her, Christian now stood straight up as he circled his arm and shoulder in short movements with the help of his instructor. How long had he been looking at her? She felt her chest tighten as she quickly turned her back to him and made her way over toward Lauren, who looked more than pleased to begin their session. Even not seeing him, she knew he hadn't strayed his stare. _Please stop looking at me_ , she thought.

"Take this," Lauren handed her a weight. "We are going to work on the muscles in your arms today. Sound good?"

"Sure," Ana replied as she took a seat in the chair.

"I want you to drop your arm with the weight to your side," her voice began to fade into the background as she gravitated her eyes up and over to him. This time, his focus was not on her, but on something else. He furrowed his eyebrows as he concentrated on his movement. Even from here she noticed the wrinkles that formed on his forehead along with the hint of a five o'clock shadow that formed around his jaw. The bags under his eyes showed the exhaustion that he tried to hide as he persevered through his exercise. He did not seem the type that liked to show any type of weakness.

Her observation continued as she traced the outline of his biceps just beneath his T-shirt sleeve as it flexed with each circular motion. He was a man who took his body into consideration. A man who strived to keep his physique in tip-top shape.

 _What the hell am I doing?!,_ her conscious chimed in quickly to remind her that this behavior needed to stop. Her mind had begun to slip and she refused to go further down the rabbit hole, but even as she tried to shut down her thoughts, her eyes stayed glued on him. She watched as his instructor spoke to him and stepped aside to survey his movements. Christian carefully rounded his shoulder in the same circular motion as he had before as his gaze returned its focus to her. The longer he stared, the angrier she became. It was funny how in a matter of a minute her mood shifted from hot to cold. She exhaled a heated breath upon her frustration and drew her stare away from him. So much for clearing her head today. If there was one place she didn't want him, it was here, but she had already verbally stated that he was obliged to stay. Now was not the time to change her mind. It would make her appear unstable, which by default she already was for a variety of reasons. She didn't confirm it further.

In her attempts to focus on everything and anything but him, she started her session as Lauren coached her through each movement. Internally, she started a silent chant that consumed her thoughts, but it didn't last long as he slowly crept his way back in. It was useless to even try because as long as he continued to stare and breathe the same air as she did, her head would remain a hot soupy mixture of emotions. And so, she would spend the next two hours like this rebuilding her muscle strength, the fluidity of her movements, and finding every reason to hate him as they continued to lock eyes.

 **Author Note: Just wanted to say thank you for all of your support and love for this story. I thought I would let you all know, if you didn't already, that I have a blog where I post teasers for upcoming chapters every Tuesday. I highly suggest you follow it if you want any sneak peeks. Visit my profile for the link!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 - Christian

The smell. The sounds. The memories that seared into his brain of pain, confusion, and unadulterated self-loathing all rushed back to him in an instance as he stepped out of the elevator. Like he needed any further reminder of what he felt and what this place meant to him. He was a fool to think by coming back here would help his stagnant state. But, he wanted a change of scenery and so he got one. One that he was all too familiar with and did not particularly fall under the category of his favorite places to visit.

"Grey," his physical therapist rounded the corner. He was a stocky, muscular built man named Liam, who wore too tight of shirts and was the best in his field. From professional athletes to elite men and women, he was "the" guy that everyone, who could afford him, went to, so it was no surprise that he didn't give a shit as to who he was. He worked with all sorts of financially inclined assholes like himself. Christian was just another patient on his schedule.

"Due to your last minute change up, I got us a room booked, but we will be sharing it. I hope that's not a problem." Liam informed him.

Not a problem, but more like a nuisance. Once again, this was his doing. He should have known his abrupt relocation would come with some minor adjustments and a non-private session. The hospital was a public gathering of sorts, after all. It catered to thousand of people per day and while he could easily persuade someone in dollar amounts to finding him a solo room, he wasn't about to interrupt someone else's day for his sake.

Christian drew in a deep breath and replied, "No."

"Just go ahead and sign in with the main desk. We'll start in about five minutes. We're in the first room on the left."

"Great." He half-assed a smile and walked over to the desk as his body reminded him of why he was here.

The curly haired receptionist perked up and greeted him as she handed a clipboard over for him to sign. On it there was a list of names, room numbers assigned, and a time. As he stroked the pen against the paper, he paused. Just above where his name was written was a name that struck a chord in him. A thick chord that sent deep vibrations throughout his body. Anastasia Steele. Could it be her? He didn't think too many people in this city could share such a name. It had to be her. Something fluttered inside him.

Suspicion settled, though. He couldn't simply be this lucky. What did the universe have in store for him? And why was it being so generous when he did not deserve an ounce of it?

Shaking his head to dismiss his doubt, he winced as he walked toward his assigned room. There he found Liam ready and waiting, but he was not alone. Another woman sat in the corner on a tablet as she punched away on the screen. He assumed she was Ana's therapist.

"I'm going to have you sit for the first exercise, but don't think you're getting a break right away. Let's focus on your leg muscles." Liam instructed and produced a chair for him. "The sooner we strengthen and tighten the muscles from the waist down, the less pain you'll feel."

"Who said I was in any pain?" Christian sarcastically remarked.

"Your face when you walked in."

Damn. Usually, he had a poker face for most situations, even when he was in physical pain. Maybe he needed to work on that. At least, when Liam saw it he knew what to do, unlike others who only sympathized with him. He was sick of everyone's pity.

As he lifted his leg slowly so it was parallel with the ground, he glanced at the clock. In a few minutes, she would walk through the door. The one he currently had his back to. A part of him wanted to shift so he could see her when she walked in but kept his urge suppressed. Why was he so damn thrilled to see the one person who hated him? More than likely, she would not be happy to see him. That was for sure. God, he was so fucked up on so many levels. This was definitely a topic that needed to be addressed with his other non-physical therapist, Dr. Flynn who he would see in a few short hours. Maybe he could make some sense of it. But until then, he would wait.

Tick tock. Tick tock. The clock beckoned his anxiety upon her arrival, but as time passed and his muscles begged for some relief there was no sight of the woman he could not rid from his mind. Where the hell was she? Punctuality was a trait he respected. For those who could not follow it, he had no respect for.

As he continued his physical activity as Liam observed his motions, he grew less and less impatient. This was unacceptable. _Fuck Grey, calm yourself. What are you here for: to get better or to eye fuck the girl who you nearly killed!_

Just the thought that rationalized with him made him cringe. He really had to quit this before it became all too consuming. Too late for that. The last thing on his mind should be her. He had a business to worry about. A transition of power to anticipate and a fiancé who at this moment was not pleased with him. If he wanted things to go smoothly while he underwent recovery, he needed to stay focused on the life he had planned out ahead of him. Not his daily daydreams of a brunette who he wished he could mend things with in more ways than one.

"Grey," Liam brought his erratic thoughts to a halt. "Easy. You're going to hurt yourself at this pace."

He had not realized he had blocked out the pain and begun a full lift at twice the pace had been instructed before. Jesus Christ, what had got into him?

"What is he doing here?" A male voice from over his shoulder shouted in a near whisper. _Who the hell are you_? he internally growled and wonder who the son of a bitch was that had said it. Unless Liam had some enemies he didn't know about, it was clear the heated question was directed at him.

"Ana," the female physical therapist who had occupied the opposite side of the room called out. His wave of anger subsided upon the two-syllable name said. Not only was the muscles in his legs tight, but so were the ones in his chest. She was here. She was actually fucking here. Shit!

As the female physical therapist continued to speak, his mind rattled off the possibilities of how he should react. Option #1: turn around and steal a glance. Option #2: follow through with option number one and say hello. Option #3: abort mission and offer her space she rightfully wanted and deserved from him. But an option number four crossed his mind, too. Option #4: say nothing and do nothing until it was the right time to do so. No matter what option he chose, this was not going to go well. His unwanted presence was already blatantly obvious and the tension in the room was damn near suffocating.

"That's the asshole who hit her." The male voice announced loud enough to get a rise out of him. If he had the proper strength, he would stand up from his chair and grab the throat of the _asshole_ who spoke so warmly of him. Who was this guy anyway? Her boyfriend?

"No, it's fine." Her soft voice was laced with exhaustion and frustration. "I don't need to be moved to another room."

He paused as he took a mental note of her statement. Did she honestly want to stay or was it her attempt to avoid an awkward situation escalating into a territorial outburst? At any rate, her response was not what he expected nor was it a surprise that she didn't seem like the confrontational type as he continued to listen to her argue with the man who was not shy about his extreme dislike for him.

"Why are you defending him? The guy almost killed you. Why the hell would you want to be in the same room as him if you don't have to be?"

The whites of his knuckles colored his skin as he gripped the chair tighter. The testosterone in him flared while the need to punch the douchebag she associated herself with swelled in his chest. But one thing kept him from acting upon his current quest. Looking past his newfound hatred for a complete and total stranger, he had to agree with his heated curiosity. Why did she want to stay when the option to separate herself from him was manageable? A sliver of hope crept into his mind that he instantly shook it away. No, she hated him. Her reason could not possibly be what had brought him here.

"I'm not defending him. It's just, it's not that big of a deal." Ana argued. A brief moment passed before she began to speak again. This time, she lowered the volume of her voice to a near whisper and said, "The city is big, but it's not that big. I'm going to have to deal with the possibility of running into him, especially right now."

She had a point to her argument, but something unnerved him about the way she had noted his existence. It was as if he was just another name and face to her, but he knew better than that. Her thoughts and feelings were not passive when it came him, even if she pretended to be in the moment. He was not just another person in the grand city that they both lived in. The image of his face, of his name, and what he had done to her was damn near unforgettable. How could one erase such a tragic event from their mind permanently? How could anyone go on living after such a threat to their life and not hold the other person who enacted such a tragedy accountable?

Another voice was added into the mix. " Ana, if being in the same room as Mr. Grey is going to be a problem, we can ask him to leave," her therapist insisted. A knot in his stomach formed and twisted hard. What the hell was he doing here? This wasn't right. She didn't deserve this. He was half ready to end this charade when she spoke again.

"He can stay," she quickly replied. "I just want to get started."

The knot unraveled and the tension in his body released itself all at once. He let out a long breath as he had not realized he had been holding it.

"Are you sure _you_ want to stay?" Liam mentioned as he held out his hand to stop his exercise. He had not been the only one who had listened in on the minor explosion of words that had been exchanged from across the room. "Look, Grey, I just took the first room they had available..."

"She said it was fine, so it is." Christian gritted through his teeth as he lifted himself out of his chair. His body screamed at him as he masked his pain.

Christian positioned himself for his next routine exercise which involved the rotation of his shoulder and arm. This movement was a downright bitch to work through. He could already feel his muscles pleading with him to bail out. However, that simply was not the case as Liam held one hand on his shoulder while the other held his elbow and began a circular motion. _Son of a bitch!_ But the pain was the least of his worries as he locked eyes with her and he felt his chest tighten once more.

A wave emotions washed over her face upon eye contact. Their connection was short lived though as she quickly turned her back to him and proceeded with her session. Just the brief glance of her face took his breath away to which he could not decipher was a good or bad thing. If anything, it was foreign and had completely ambushed his cold stone interior. What was it about her that sent a signal of recognition to his brain? Here she was a girl he had no relationship with, yet there was a connection stretched finely between them. It only hung by a thread, though. A thread so thin that at any moment it could disintegrate if not properly cared for. A thread he knew he should let go of, but was not quite ready to release. He had asked himself the question of why a million times. Why her? Why hold on when the other end was empty? He had no definite answer yet besides the ever looping idea that she was not just another pretty face. Ana was no stranger to him. He knew her, but how?

The worlds they lived were separated by a thick barrier. He immersed himself in business, transactions, and the upper class while she surrounded herself with her knowledge of medicine, family, and friends. It made no sense for their worlds to ever collide, yet the possibility struck him hard as if it had at some time and place that he had yet to discover.

"It's rude to stare you know," Liam mumbled.

"I'm concentrating," Christian spoke out of the corner of his mouth.

Liam chuckled and took a step back to leave him to continue his motions solo. "Oh, you're concentrating all right. Just not in the right direction," he remarked.

"What?" He broke his stare away from Ana and stuck out his jaw. What the hell was he on about?

"Don't give me that shit. You know fully well what I'm talking about." Liam crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Tread lightly my friend."

"Remember who is writing your checks." Christian threatened openly. All his pent up energy since his accident had left him in a constant rage. He craved for a session with Bastille, his trainer, but knew it was too early to be hitting the gym. At the risk of hurting himself, he was restricted from any excessive exercise beyond the point of physical therapy.

No further comments were made on Liam's behalf about his temporary gazing session at Ana. With him being on alert of where his eyes wandered off to, he knew he had to refrain from doing so. However, that didn't stop him completely. He couldn't help himself. Every time he looked at her, her eyes gravitated toward him. Each time he did look at her, he tried to memorize every inch of her face so he could imprint the image of her into his mind. And every time he tried to place where he had seen her before, he came up empty. Why was she so damn familiar?

He tortured himself with the thought as they worked in close quarters breathing the same air and locking eyes uncomfortably. He watched as she grew frustrated with certain tasks while he kept his poker face strong. No one, not Liam nor Ana, would be able to read his face. His thoughts spun out of control like wildfire inside his head as he traveled down the path that ended with her every time. It was not something he wished to convey out in the open.

As his two-hour session wrapped up, he knew his time with her was about to come to an end. A part of him, one that he could not make sense of, was not ready to depart. He still was unable to figure out where he had known her from before. The idea of seeing her again would jog his memory had failed. Maybe he needed something more. Maybe he needed interaction, or maybe he was desperate for an escape again and was clearly misplacing his needs in a woman who could not satisfy him. _You're an idiot if you think she'll want to talk to you,_ he told himself.

"You're getting there," Liam patted his shoulder as he rested in the chair. "I know you want to get back into the swing of things, but give it some time and you will be."

"You're right about one thing today. Don't think once I'm healed up I won't be kicking your ass for that comment earlier."

"When you are, I'll be ready. See you tomorrow. Should I book a room here or do you want to go back to having sessions at your place after today?" He asked.

Christian took a sip of water and said, "Book a room."

A sly smirk slithered across Liam's face as he darted his eyes toward Ana, who was hunched over in her chair staring at her feet. Yes, Ana was a part of why he wanted to continue his sessions away from his apartment, but it was not the only reason. He felt trapped there. Once again, he searched for an escape and if meant changing the location of his physical therapy then so be it.

With other patients to attend to, Liam and Ana's physical therapist rushed off to their next appointment leaving the two of them alone. Words were on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't know how to speak. He honestly didn't know what to say either, but he wanted to say something, anything to grab her attention. His heart was about to jump out his chest at this rate. Now, as he stared at her, she deliberately avoided all eye contact as she distracted herself with her phone. Her eyes were fixed on the tiny screen hard. It was like she pretended that he wasn't even there. It pissed him off. It sent him over the edge. She could hate him all she wanted, but she could not ignore him.

"You could have asked me to leave," he stated. Her eyes looked up from her phone screen to him. There was fire behind them now.

"You could have just left on your own," Ana replied sharply. He felt her jab in spoken form.

"I could have, but you said I could stay." Christian reminded her. "Why?"

"I was being nice."

Christian nodded his head. Nice? So, she didn't want him here. Now, he understood. She had only said he could stay because there were other parties involved. Had it been just them, the outcome would have been different. Why had this realization pissed him off further?

"What are you doing here anyway? I've never seen you come here for physical therapy before." Ana noted as she used the back of her chair to stand. Where was she going? He rose, too.

"I didn't want to be held up in my apartment anymore," he explained dismissing any notion of frustration with her. "It was starting to feel like a prison."

Oh, the irony in his statement. Ana shook her head as she felt no sympathy for him. It was obvious to him she didn't. Maybe he deserved to feel locked up. It was where he belonged after all. Most people don't walk away from what he did with clean hands. His hands were anything but clean, however with his connections, it almost appeared that way. _Fuck!_ That's how Ana must have viewed him. She must have thought he was an arrogant asshole who thought he could away with anything. He couldn't have her thinking of him in that way.

"I didn't know that you'd be here, let alone be in this room," Christian confessed. "I'll make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Okay," she dropped her eyes. Her spoken response said one thing while her expression said another. What was that? It wasn't hate. It wasn't even resentment. He had no idea what it was that she tried to hide from him, but it was something that had intrigued him. "I guess I won't see you around then."

Ana forced a sarcastic smile on her face and began to make her way out of the room. She was leaving. He didn't want her to. Something inside him panicked and he moved in her direction as fast as he possibly could.

"Would you care to grab a coffee or some food?" He blurted out.

"What do you not get that I don't want anything to do with you?" Ana shook her head before she looked at him with sad eyes. "No, I don't want to grab a coffee or some food with you, Christian. I don't want anything to do with you. Please, just stop. You shouldn't have even sent me flowers."

"You got them?"

"Yes," her brown eyes intoxicated him. He had never been this close to her until now, at least from what he could remember. The only other time they were in close proximity was when she was by his bedside in the hospital, but he had been unconscious for most of that. "I got them and they are beautiful, but..."

"I know I shouldn't have. I'm sorry," Christian cut her off.

A tiny ounce of him was thrilled that she had received the orchids he had sent her. He knew out of all the bouquets she would get that his would be most memorable in more ways than one. It wasn't particularly a flower that most people sent for wishes of one getting well. It held a silent message. One that proclaimed, if she were willing to open herself up to him, that he cared and signified beauty because she truly was a beautiful woman, she just didn't embrace it, though. He was unsure if she knew how beautiful she was or if he had shattered the idea when he collided with her on that awful day.

"I know you mean well, but please just refrain yourself from doing anything else like that. I don't need little reminders of you when I'm trying to forget you."

He took a step back. "Ana, you know how deeply sorry I am and you can go right ahead and forget all about me, but you and I both know that's not going to be possible." The flames were lit behind her eyes again. "What I did is unforgettable. And as much as I'm trying to move on with my life, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about what I did to you."

 _Tread lightly, Grey._ He was headed into a territory he was not sure he was ready to embark. The glisten of tears calmed the fire in her eyes as she blinked them away and turned her head. Shit, the more he talked, the worse he was making things between them.

"I have to go," Ana announced and left the room abruptly.

Why the hell did he just say all of that? How could either of them move on when he said stupid shit like that? He was a grade A fuck up. As he exhaled a breath of frustration, he felt his phone in his pocket vibrate. An incoming email had arrived in his inbox from his therapist, Dr. Flynn. He quickly read over to find out the information of what floor he needed to meet him on for his next therapy session. This one would be much different seeing as it would not be at his apartment or Flynn's office. It would be located in a random room sectioned off for him for an hour. This one would be an intense session after the day he had just had.

As he made his way to the elevator, he hesitated as he saw Ana waiting for one to arrive. Stairs were definitely out of the question as he was in no shape to be using them, so an awkward elevator ride it was. He walked toward her cautiously. She glanced at him for a second before he knew without seeing her face that she had rolled her eyes.

"Can I, at least, ride in the same elevator with you?" He asked like a wounded teenage boy.

"Do I have a choice?" She shrugged as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. He waited for her to step in first before he followed as his eyes drifted downward. He blamed it on his male instinct to check out her ass. He most definitely should not be checking our her ass, he thought immediately, or any other female's ass considering he was supposed to be committed to Elena. Just the thought of her made his blood boil. She was a topic that needed to be addressed with Flynn, too. There was so much to talk about today.

After selecting their respective floors, they stood there in silence as it dropped one floor at a time. He wanted to say something, but he knew opening his mouth would only get him in trouble. Ana didn't care what he had to say anyway. She was trying to move on, to forget him, remember? He hated it, though. He deserved her silence and her resentment. He deserved every emotion she threw at him.

To ease the growing tension, the elevator slowed to a stop at one of the floors. Someone was getting on. He was almost grateful until he saw who it was. "Oh, Christian?!" His mother looked surprised to see him as she entered and pressed the button for the floor she needed. "What on earth are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home resting?"

"Hello, mother." He kissed her cheek. "I had my physical therapy session moved here and I'm on my way to meet Flynn."

"I wish to say that I'm happy to see you moving around more, but the doctors said," she began, but he was quick to stop her before she could lecture him.

"Bed rest, I know. But, I don't need to have every damn appointment at my place." Christian noted. "I'm fine. Trust me."

It was not only her maternal instinct to be wary of him, especially now as she viewed him so fragile after his accident, but as a doctor, too. His mother was the head pediatrician at Northwestern Hospital. It was her duty to care for the children who came in and out of the hospital on a daily basis. It wasn't her duty to still treat him like one. He knew her excuse would be, but he'll always be her baby, and while she could see him that way he was a grown ass adult now who could take care of himself.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to stop over later and take a look at you, though." She insisted. His eyes flickered to Ana, who was trying to hide her smirk. What did she find so damn amusing? Was it the mother and son bickering that they were currently condoning in front of her like she was a painting on the wall? She looked good with a smile on her face, even if it was barely there. To see her like this did something to him.

"Oh my, Ana, right?" His mother acknowledged her. Her facial features went immediately soft. "Darling, I didn't even recognize you at first. How are you feeling?"

"I've been better, but I'm doing okay, Dr. Grey." Her voice was so tiny and filled with unease.

Why was his mother talking to her so casually? Sure, his mother was friendly. It was her job to be especially in her line of work dealing with sick and injured kids and their parents, but this was Ana. She got a warm welcome while he got knocked down a peg for disobeying doctor's orders. How was that fair?

"I'm actually going to meet with your doctor for a quick lunch. He says you're doing quite well with the healing process, according to your last check-up." She smiled widely. "I hope you don't mind that I asked him. I want to make sure that you're getting all the treatment you need."

"It's fine," Ana responded. "And I am."

Okay, enough small talk in the elevator between his mother and the girl he had caused such emotional and physical distress to. This was getting too weird for him.

"Good. I want to see you make a full recovery. You're very lucky considering what happened." Her tone shifted toward the end of her sentence. While she cared for his recovery as well, his mother had not quite forgiven him for what he had done. He was sure he would hear about it later when she would come to visit.

"Oh look, we've arrived at your floor," Christian announced clearing his throat. "I'll see you this evening."

"Yes, I'll stop by your place around seven and don't try to dodge me, Christian." She pointed at him.

"Where would I go? After all, I'm supposed to be on bed rest." His sarcastic remark was ignored as his mother turned back to Ana.

"Dear, I hope to see you at the gala this weekend, if you're feeling up to it, of course." Gala? Oh, shit was that this weekend? It had completely slipped his mind.

Ana shifted uncomfortably with her phone in her hand. "Gala? What is that?" She asked.

"It's a party of sorts. It's held at the Drake hotel this year. All the staff is invited. Very formal. It's a lovely event with food, drinks, dancing, and a silent auction. I hate for you to miss it as this is your first year as a nurse here, but I totally understand if you're not feeling well enough." The doors to the elevator that had been open began to close. She placed her arm out to stop it as the doors slid back open. "I have to go, but take care of yourself, the both of you."

The heels of her shoes clicked away as she disappeared behind the silver doors. Out of all the people to share an elevator with it had to be Ana and his mother. A third person was what he had hoped for, not someone to talk his ear off, though. He released a shaky breath as the floors chimed in descending order one by one. He would have to have a stern conversation with his mother about her over extension of concern for Ana. It was nice of her to care, but as previously stated, she was trying to move on and having his mother confront her about her recovery most likely wasn't helping either.

As the silence continued, his mind wandered off to the event this mother had mentioned. The annual gala for the medical staff was always one to remember and one he looked forward to each year. However, this year would be different. This year he would be miserable due to his current state, but there was a possibility for it to be better than expected and it all depended on the attendance of a certain brunette. Would she go? He secretly hoped she would.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 _The long, slender figure of a woman stood before him in the shadows of the night. Her body swayed from side to side to a low rhythmic beat that only she could hear. One by one, he watched as an article of clothing was dispersed from her glorious body and onto the rug that cushioned his bare feet. Her movements were slow and determined as if she knew exactly the right way to keep him intrigued._

 _A low, man like groan simmered in the base of his throat as she reached the brink of pure erotic display. The arousal ignited inside him. He wanted to shine a light on her female frame. This sexual goddess before him deserved a spotlight, but he was not quite sure she felt the same way. Her sultry dance seemed encouraged by the lack of transparency that bounced between them. He wondered what type of woman she would portray to be if it wasn't so damn dark. Would she still tease him like she was? Would she still follow through with what was to come? His mind dived deep into the possibilities but reached the surface just in time for air. There was no point in losing himself in thought when all he wanted was to lose himself in her._

 _Entirely parallelized by her presence, he continued to gawk and drool at the private show he had been so lucky to be graced with at this hour of the night._ _The outline of her body became more defined as she discarded the final thin pieces of her modesty in her silent strip show. He drank in the sight before him. He needed an up close and personal look. He needed a taste of what she offered, and as pornographic images played out in his perverted mind, he rubbed his lower lip with his index finger wondering of all the ways he could make those fantasies come alive._

 _Who was this beautiful seductress? It was like she was a mirage of temptation. A well-crafted plan that he had every intention of executing in ways that had been buried deep in his dirty mind as she stood before him naked and waiting. He had to have her here and now but as he tried to rise from his seat, he felt an invisible force shackle him in place. It was like he could look but not touch. The pot of need and desire that connected to his core was about to boil over._

 _As if to further the mystery, she turned her back to him and casually walked toward the window. Outside he could see the portrait of city lights below, above, and all around them. In the sky, the light from the moon provided the night with its natural illumination and carefully showcased her womanly curves as she gazed out the glass. Her hand stroked the long, dark curtain and he watched as her shoulders rose and fell letting him relish in her beauty. Her transformation from a seductress to a timid and exposed girl made him even more curious. No matter who she portrayed, she was still very much a temptress in his eyes. A woman he fully intended on getting to know between the sheets._

 _Christian's eyes fell from her to the bulge in his cotton pants. While she had initiated the path of where this night would end, he had yet to take his first step upon it. He had been so consumed with her that he had not even realized that he was still fully clothed. That needed to change, and so he brought his fingers to the top button of his shirt and began to undress._

 _The weight from before had been lifted as he felt his body rise from the chair as he slowly popped one button after the other. Her long, dark hair which he could see in the minimal light was a shade of brown swayed along her bare back as she peeked over her shoulder at him. The side of his mouth rose up into a half smirk. He imagined a soft color of red flushing her cheeks. No need to be shy, after all, she was the one who started this._

 _Her partial gaze did not leave him as his shirt fell to the ground, along with his pants and his boxer briefs. Slowly, he crept up behind her as the warmth from her skin grazed his. The dip of her head caused her hair to fall in front of her face. It was as if she felt the urge to shield that part of her. The one that he desperately wished to see. What did she feel she needed to hide? In fear of comprising the moment, he respected her wish to stay masked in the darkness._

 _Taking a step closer, he hovered his hands on either side of her hips. He remained like that for what felt like the longest ten seconds of his life. Did she want him to touch her? The ambitious girl who had stripped for him had seemed to have vanished as she stood small overlooking the city lights. He was not ready to let go off that girl who had enticed him for more. Somehow he had to bring her back up to the surface. Why she had suddenly buried her inner goddess that dripped in sex was beyond him._

 _After those long ten seconds had passed, he watched as her shoulders relaxed and felt her back rest against his chest. It was her unspoken consent that unfroze his lingering touch and he curled his fingers around her waist. An earthquake erupted in him upon contact. She felt right in his hands like she had meant to be within his reach all along. Now that he had her in his hold, he never wanted to let go. It only internally shook him further._

 _He pressed his lips to her shoulder ever so lightly. It was his turn to tease her any way possible that he could. The erection that had formed on her behalf he brushed up against her backside only to feel her shiver in his hold. He swept her hair over her right shoulder and continued his trail his butterfly kisses along her back as his hands gripped her hips possessively. She curved her neck as she bowed her head and welcomed his affection. Why did this feel so right? Every kiss, every sensual touch, every stifled moan seemed in place and natural. He had never felt so comfortable and free with a woman before until now. A strange revelation washed over him that caused him to pause in his endeavor._

 _"Don't stop," her angelic voice whispered. Those magic words sent him on a spiral of sexual bliss as his actions grew feverish. Her wish was his command, and his undoing. His hands began to move north and south in a panic. He needed to feel more of her. He needed to ravage her. He needed her like an addict needed drugs._

 _Christian cupped her breast and let it fill the palm of his hand. Her head tipped back as he watched under a heated gaze. The combination of lights and reflection from the window casted distorted shadows upon the profile of her face. Even then, he knew she was beautiful. She blossomed before him as he touched her in ways that she probably only dreamed of a man touching her. While one hand caressed her breast, the other maneuvered its way between her legs. Her legs instantly buckled and the hand that teased her northern region circled around her torso to keep her standing upright. By now, she had to know how much he wanted her too as his front fully pressed into her back. The tiniest gasp escaped her and the corners of his mouth gravitated upward again. He was a lucky son of a bitch._

 _His mouth attached itself to the base of her neck as he teased her endlessly down below. Her breathing had changed to near panting. Desperation echoed from somewhere within her as he encouraged her internal building storm. The thought crossed his mind to let the lightning strike, but a wicked thought swiped it away. He would let her edge closer and closer until she could take it no more but the sadistic bastard that he was would not let her achieve erotic bliss. No, that he would save for him to feel as he knew their time was running short. A perfectly equipped bed beckoned them to be used from behind. There he would let her shatter into a million tiny pieces._

 _The clenching of her thighs grew tighter around his hand. Her body shook in his hold. Damn, she was close. His eyes fluttered up to the profile of her face again and watched as she bit down hard on her bottom lip. Holy shit, the sight of her like left him twitching and aching for more. At this rate, the bed would only be optional. He was ready to take her here and now in front of the glass panel for all of the nightlife to see, and honestly he didn't care. The free show they would give for any wandering eyes tonight would only leave a secret spectator wanting more._

 _"Christian, please," she begged in a breathless voice. Did she know him? He had yet to disclose who he was, and yet here she was on a first-name basis with him. It was odd and confusing, but he was not about to get hung up on the minor details. Just the sound of his name passing her lips was about to send him over the edge and apparently she balanced there, too._

 _Enough of this torture, he thought to himself. He was done messing around._

 _In the blink of an eye, they went from nearly fucking in front of a window to the soft cushion of the bed. It was like he had no control over his movement in that moment as his body transported there, as did she. His chest heaved as she laid sprawled out before him naked and waiting. Knelt before her, he dived his head down and began to kiss every inch of her body. While a part of him begged to feel the release it had wanted since he laid eyes on her, he could not help himself in wanting to kiss her when she looked like this. She was beautiful. She was perfect. The foreign feeling from before that formed in his revelation had returned. He didn't know her, yet he felt like he had known her from another life. A wave of pure, unconditional love poured out of him that once again caused him to put a halt to their sexual adventure._

 _No, this was not possible. He could not possibly love a woman he didn't know. He didn't know what true love was even in the simplest of forms. He was just a man who had needs. A man who went weak at the knees for a beautiful woman, but even now as he pressed the tip of his nose onto the skin of stomach he knew that wasn't true either. His train of thought altered from animalistic to a nurturer. He wanted to tend to her carefully and show her that he wanted her for more than just sex. She was not meant to be used. She was meant to be cherished, to be protected. What the fuck was happening to him? How did he end up here in this state of mind?_

 _A pair of hands combed through his hair and he brought his face up to look at her. He still could not make out the lines of her face. She was masked by the darkness permanently. None of this made sense. Here he was falling in love with a woman in a matter of seconds and yet he could not see her in her full form. This was so fucked up._

 _"Don't stop," she asked of him like she had before. Even in his haze of confusion, he succumbed to her request. He had to follow through. He'd do anything she asked at this point. There was no doubt he would surrender to her if she wanted him to because he basically already had._

 _Without a second thought, he moved his hands down her body and pushed her legs further apart. She opened herself for him and he licked his lips at the sight. Now, he was the one panting. He lifted her hips up as he positioned himself. His body and mind trembled in curiosity of what it would feel like upon contact. As he satisfied his intrigue, he exhaled a deep moan that came from his throat. She whimpered beneath him and lifted her hips higher to make the connection even better than he had expected. He wasn't sure who would shatter first, him or her. It felt so good and yet so familiar._

 _The lingering emotion that he could not fully accept swam its way to the surface with each precise and sensual movement he made. He had to take this slow despite his need to achieve the desire of a body shattering orgasm. She deserved to be treated with the utmost care. She was a goddess of divine beauty that held a special place in his heart, even if he could not render how or why. The unexplainable mystery that rode shotgun as he deliberately moved sending bursts of warmth to his core could not be ignored. Why did this have to be so damn complicated? It was just sex that he sought after anyways, not a fucking whirlwind of raw emotion that came along with it._

 _"Oh my," her voice squeaked and cut short as she gripped the sheets beneath her. Yes, he felt it, too. The arousal built at rapid speed which made it difficult for him to keep his control in check. What he wanted and what he needed were divided. He wanted to give her what she deserved, a man who respected and worshiped her in bed. But what he needed was to lose himself the fastest way possible and he felt himself slip from his want to his need within seconds. His pace quickened and his desire to fuck her into submission roared its ugly head. Withdrawing himself from her, he managed to flip her over and he raised her to her knees while her hands and face laid on the bed. He proceeded with his quest once more, this time with erotic determination. She moaned and gasped into the sheets to muffle the sound._

 _"I want to hear your scream," he demanded. Her girlish tone bounced off the walls for all to hear._ _Good god, he knew he wouldn't last much longer with the noises she was making. It nearly sent him over the edge and this time, there was no turning back._

 _Each thrust became deeper. Each stroke began quicker. The knuckles on his fingers were sure to be white as he held onto her tight more than likely leaving his mark on her. He didn't care, though. He was so damn close that he could feel the start of his world crumbling around him. The room was already dark, but he could sense it becoming darker as his climax reached its full potential to the point of him losing consciousness. It felt so fucking wonderful that he could not imagine a time before that felt as good as this, and as the earthquake inside her awaken he stilled. His mouth gaped open and he threw his head back. The rush of happiness and satisfaction coursed through him on repeat as he fell like a feather falling slowly back to Earth. Indeed, his orgasm had shattered him into a million broken pieces that somehow he would have to collect later, but he would deal with that then as she mirrored him below as her body convulsed and her legs shook. This time, she was not shy about the volume of her voice. Her cries of pleasure rang in his ears and he smiled as he ran his hand down the length of her spine. Holy shit!_

 _As they each found a common ground once more, he removed himself from her and stood at the end of the bed. She was completely wrecked in the best way possible and it was all thanks to him. He could not erase the smirk from his face and nor did he want to. His eyes flickered over to a conjoined bathroom where he excused himself to clean up. When he returned back to the room, he found her fully clothed and standing next to the window again with her arms crossed._

 _"Are you leaving?" He asked._

 _"I can't be your escape, Christian." She uttered and refrained from turning around. "You know that, right?"_

 _"What? Escape?"_

 _The profile of her face illuminated as she spoke, "You only want what you can't have." Her tone gathered resentment. "It doesn't matter what you or I feel because it's not going to happen. We can't live out a fantasy. In the end, that's all this is."_

 _A fantasy? Fantasy or not, it felt pretty damn real to him. Why was she fighting this? A few minutes ago, there wasn't a resistant bone in her body. She wanted him just as much as he wanted her. What had changed all of a sudden? It angered him to think that she felt this way when he knew that could simply not be the case._

 _He walked toward her in hope that by calling her on her bullshit, he would finally see her for who she really was. But instead, the shadows of the night only expanded throughout the room. The lights from outside dimmed and all he could see was the outline of her body now. He stopped short as he huffed and felt his chest swell with an urge to fight. No, he would not let her think this way. He would not let her accept this notion because it was not true. She was not an escape to him. She was so much more. Something he could not explain quite yet._

 _"You're wrong," he lowered his voice. "You're only lying to yourself if you think that a fantasy can't become a reality because it can. If you want it bad enough, as much as I want you right now, you can make it happen. And baby, I want it to happen more than you know."_

With a sharp inhale and quick jolt to his body, Christian awoke. Upright in his bed, he dragged a hand over his face as reality set in and his dream washed away. The pain from his abrupt movement pulsed throughout him and he gritted his teeth.

"Christian?" The groggy voice that belonged to Elena questioned him as she rolled over on the bed next to him. "Are you alright, dear?"

"I'm fine. Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep." He ordered in a heated whisper. Bad dream? More like a great fucking dream, literally. Well, at least, it was until the very end. Who the fuck was that girl? His eyes flickered over to his sleeping fiance, who clearly had not been the woman who had occupied his dream. A wave of guilt washed over him but quickly faded. While he knew he should care and be concerned for what had just played out in his head, especially when it involved another woman, he could not help but feel somewhat elated by it.

As he snuck out of bed, he walked over to the bathroom suite where he closed the door and turned on the lights above the mirror. He cheeks were flushed and he could see that in the reflection that his dream had gone as far as the need to change his boxer briefs. Shit, it had been that good of a dream.

He bowed his head and pressed his palms into the marble counter top as he closed his eyes. He envisioned every act and scene that he had dreamt of as if to memorize it for his dirty thoughts later. And even if the memory did fade, he knew one thing was for certain. The girl in it was unforgettable. He may not have known who she was, but somewhere in the depths of his soul, he knew who he wished for her to be.

...

 _Confidence flowed through her veins as her innocence washed away. Something had come over her. This was not like her. Someone else had invaded her body and mind. Who was this woman that had captured her and taken control of her every thought and movement? It was like nothing else mattered besides her task at hand. The task to entertain and to arouse the shadowed man who sat in the chair across from her as he watched. It should have startled her. It should have concerned her, but she did not seem to mind because despite being unable to see him in a clear view, she felt like she knew him. That she could trust him, and so she continued her scandalous charade._

 _Her body swayed effortlessly as she removed the clothes that covered her body. She had never stripped like this before, nor had she done it for someone else. She could feel the heat of his gaze upon her as she slowly revealed herself to him. A pile of clothes scattered at her feet and soon she was completely naked and exposed. Warmth rushed through her body thinking about what she would like for him to do to her. Such wicked thoughts they were, too._

 _Time skipped and moved her against her free will as she found herself standing in front of a window that overlooked thousands of lights. Could anyone see her like this? Did she care to expose herself to more than just the man who enjoyed her company? A sense of awareness slapped her and she grabbed the curtain next to her for comfort and as a partial shield. She wasn't sure now what she was doing here entirely. The driver of her carefree existence had left her in control now and she grew bashful of her actions. But something withdrew her from her thoughts, as she noticed movement from behind her._

 _Over her shoulder, she peeked at the silent strip show he gave her in return. She watched him as he discard every piece of clothing from his muscular frame and longed for it to be close to her. The dirty thoughts that had re-entered her mind caused a sudden blush across her cheeks. The warmth only rose in temperature as he crept up behind her only tempting her with his naked body. Ana bowed her head feeling shy at his close proximity. She should have felt more vulnerable, but instead, she felt safe as if his embrace would protect her. Upon her realization, she wished for him to break the barrier between them and so he did. His hands were on her hips and she eased at his touch. Her body released all the tension she carried while her back rested on him for support. They molded as one like they were meant to intertwine together. She had felt this before, but with who and where? Her experience with men was minimal and to think that a familiar emotion could arise in her like this sent a million questions soaring through her mind. But she did not fret about it for long as his lips pressed against her back and kissed its way along an undiscovered path. His kisses set her skin on fire._ _It felt so good, so right. She never wanted for him to stop kissing her, however, something caused him to halt. No, he couldn't stop. She needed his contact._

 _"Don't stop," she begged of him. Her plea registered quickly with him and sent him into overdrive as his kisses spread like wildfire and his hands magically came to life. One cupped her breast and massaged her roughly while the other entered a territory that ignited an arousal she had never felt before. She weakened at his touch between her legs and instantly he made sure that she wouldn't fall. Over and over again, he caused a quite a stir that shook her core and plastered a smile on her face. How did he know how to touch her just right?_

 _Her breathing quickened and shortened as her orgasm continued to build. If he wasn't careful, he would make her explode in front of this window for everyone to see. She wanted that. She didn't care which way he had her, she just wanted him and her release. Her thighs trembled around his hand. "Christian, please." The words escaped her before she could think about what she had said. Christian? Was that his name? She knew of only one man with that name and suddenly her whole body was on fire._

 _Her eyes went wide as she realized who stood behind her. No, it couldn't be him. She hated him. She wouldn't let him to this to her, but as her mind screamed one thing, her body screamed another. Despite who he was, she still wanted him. Her twisted desire had been granted and here she was about to be fucked by him. This was all sorts of wrong, but all sorts of right, too. No matter how much she wished to stop it, she simply couldn't. She wanted it to happen. She wanted him even if it was just for the night._

 _Another sensation pulsed through her body as she ignored her conscious and bit down on her lower lip hard. This was too good to be true. This was everything she hoped it would be and now she was about to tumble into bliss in his hold. She felt his erection press harder into her back and she craved for more than just his hands on and in her. And as if he had read her mind, her feet rose from the ground and transported her to the bed. Her senses were on high alert now as he had left her trembling on the edge. She wondered how much more she could take before she would break._

 _At the end of the bed, he knelt as he looked at her. There was a hunger in his eyes and without hesitation, he crumbled and began to kiss her. He worked his way up her thigh and to the base of her neck. His tongue darted out at times that made her squirm. There was no strategy to his mouth upon her. Everywhere he could put it, he did. But just as before, he paused. The tip of nose pushed into her stomach and he let his hot breath spread across her skin. What was going on? Was he having second thoughts? It would be okay if he did because that's what a sensible man would do in this moment. He had to know what they were doing wasn't right, too. But she needed this. She wanted it more than anything in the world. To be with him like this made her feel things that she had never felt before._

 _To break him from his train of thought, she ran her hands through his hair. He peeked up at her with a gaze that she did not know was possible for him to portray. She was not sure what the gaze held exactly, but she was sure that she wasn't ready for him to stop either. Once more, she asked for him to continue and like a lovesick boy, he did. He met her every request. In the moment, he seemed like he would do anything for her and it sent a shiver down her spine. She half expected him to go wild on her. She envisioned him diving into her at full force, but he didn't. Instead, he raised her hips and slowly filled her inch by inch. He stayed inside her without movement for a good minute before he withdrew himself slowly that caused the sexiest sound to omit from him. It seemed like he wanted to drag this out. That he didn't want to just fuck her, but to make love to her. She was not prepared for this amount of emotion. Maybe she was reading into it too much._

 _His slow motions did not speed up, though. And while it felt amazing, her body acted out in desperation. The friction was not enough so she raised her hips higher. "Oh my," she gasped as he found the right spot that sent every sensation in her body ready for explosion. There was something about his steady stroke that made it all the better, and as she began to accept his careful thrusts, something lit a fire under his ass. The delicate and deliberate man vanished without a trace and before she could render what had happened, she was flipped onto her stomach with her ass in the air._

 _The way he moved inside made her shake violently. He had disposed of his nurturing ways and had gone purely animalistic in his need to satisfy not only her but him, too. To say that it wasn't mind blowing was a lie. It was beyond what she could handle, but she missed the tender touch he had shared with her before. He no longer made love to her but fucked her and while she knew she could express her complaints, she did not protest. It felt too good to complain. It felt better than the slow torturous game he had played even if there had been the possibility of emotions behind it before. He moved so fast that her moans were borderline inexcusable._

 _"I want to hear you scream," he gritted through his teeth. She had been pressing her mouth into the mattress to keep them from being heard. She had no idea that he wished to hear her at full volume. It was kinky and so she returned the favor. She held nothing back and it only made him move faster._

 _Ana braced herself for what she was about to endure. The eruption inside her came so quick as she followed his lead she barely found the strength to keep her legs locked in place. He moaned loud behind her as his fingertips dug into her hips. She matched him as she cried in high pitched gasps. It seemed like ages before she finally felt herself settle. His hand caressed her back and soon he removed himself from her. He said nothing. His warm lips didn't even grace her shoulder like she had hoped for, but what was she supposed to expect from him? This wasn't about his tender, love, and care. This wasn't even about her. Suddenly, she felt a bit used and disappointment washed over her._

 _When she rolled onto her back, she caught a glimpse of him walking into the bathroom. The night had started off on such a high note and now, it had ended on the lowest note possible. She felt foolish for feeling the way she did, but she couldn't deny it either. Someone had stuff a mixed bag of emotions inside of her and now she didn't know which what was right and which what was wrong. All she did know was that she couldn't stay here, and so she got dressed._

 _A portion of her memory ceased to file as she found herself staring out the window she had stood naked before only a few minutes ago. Wasn't she supposed to leave? She thought she had left, and yet here she was with her arms crossed staring out over the city. The door to the bathroom opened and she knew he was confused by her sudden change of attire._

 _"Are you leaving?" He asked._

 _Yes, she wanted to, but for some reason, she was still here. A well-scripted answer flowed out of her mouth with a response of, "I can't be your escape, Christian. You know that, right?" Her tone was much harsher than she wanted it to be. Then again, maybe he deserved a little hostility from her._

 _"What? Escape?" He was baffled by her reply._

 _Ana turned her head to the side to only see what little she could of him. She did not have the courage to face him for what she was about to say next._

 _"You only want what you can't have," she explained. "It doesn't matter what you or I feel because it's not going to happen. We can't live out a fantasy. In the end, that's all this is."_

 _A perfect little fantasy was exactly what this was. It was not reality. In an ideal world, they could not be together. It was wrong because she had declared it to be. It was that simple. They would never work out, no matter how right it felt. It was a depressing thought to have, but she had to stand her ground. However, he did not feel the same way. She could sense it and felt him try to close the distance. A part of her fluttered at the excitement that he was about to fight._

 _"You're wrong," he lowered his voice. "You're only lying to yourself if you think that a fantasy can't become a reality because it can. If you want it bad enough, as much as I want you right now, you can make it happen. And baby, I want it to happen more than you know."_

Ana awoke at his last word. Her hands were clenched tightly around her pillow and a pool of sweat had formed around her, too. Holy shit had that been some dream. She covered her face in embarrassment as her dream was still fresh in her mind. Too many things clashed for her to accept what she had just conjured in her sleep state. The confusion had carried onward outside of her dream and into reality. Even asleep, she could not stop thinking about him and rocked her more than it should.

She peered over at the clock on her nightstand. It was ten minutes past four. How in the world would she fall back asleep? And how in the hell would she face Christian at the gala after dreaming of him like that?


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - Ana

A million reasons ran through her head as to why she shouldn't go. The girl that stared back at her in the reflection of her oval mirror was an imposter, a broken girl disguised as a well put together ensemble.

Ana shifted from one foot to the other displacing her weight unevenly. Her transformation from dull to superb had been at the crafty hands of her roommate. Kate excelled at the whole girl thing while she did not even know where to begin when it came to a curling iron and eye shadow. That was foreign territory to her. It did come in handy to have a friend who was in touch with her inner beauty guru, though, especially tonight.

She patted the neatly styled off centered bun near the base of her neck held together by one too many bobby pins and layers of hairspray. So much for the ozone layer, Ana thought sarcastically. Afraid to mess up the masterpiece Kate had pinned perfectly into place, she dropped her hand quickly from her hair to the smooth cotton of her dress.

From head to toe, she bathed in a burgundy formal gown that suited her slender body better than she had expected. It was a loan, as Kate had put it, from her mini-mall that she called a closet. She was grateful for her friend's good taste in fashion, but she was even more grateful for how well it concealed her bruised body. Not a single flaw was in sight as she tugged at the sleeves that extended all the way to her wrists. She turned slightly as the long slit up the left of her dress revealed just enough skin to the wandering eye. Nope, nothing. While she appeared normal and flawless on the surface, she was anything but underneath. Her muscles still ached. Her skin was still marked. Her emotions were still rattled. She was a mess, but she didn't need everyone to know that.

Her eyes gravitated down to the clock on her phone. In just an hour, she would be swept up by a city cab and on her way to the annual hospital gala. A night filled with pretty people, small talk, and honoring the recognition of its workers. It sounded grand, but it also sounded like a long night of standing in heels and dodging a particular someone who had permanently attached himself to her mind. Ana groaned at the thought.

Her original agreement to attend had been influenced by none other than Kate, who was keen on the idea of going glam for one night after she had mentioned it casually in conversation. While most women would opt for a male date, her only option was Jose. Seeing as they already had a conflict of interest toward one another, Ana knew better than to even ponder the idea of him attending with her. It would send mix signals and the last thing she wanted was a hopeful Jose thinking the night meant something more than it actually was. Why did the men in her life have to be so damn complicated?

Men. Ana inwardly chuckled to herself at the thought of the plural term. Jose was more than accounted for, but it seemed a new found male specimen had begun to crawl his way into her life. She sighed deeply as once again, if on a never ending cycle, Christian popped into her unfiltered mind.

The nerve of him to think that he could just waltz into her life like this disturbed her. No man or person, who she had no real connection with beyond the obvious damage he had unwillingly condoned, should have affected her like this, especially all things considering. The stability of her mental and emotional state concerned her. Like a boat at sea, she swayed in the water ready to tip at any moment. The waves that moved inside her rocked her sanity back and forth. One moment she was full blown frustrated with him for what he had done, and the next she fantasized about him like a lovestruck fool.

"I can't do this," she whispered out loud. Oh, what a fool she was.

Taking a step back, she sat on the edge of the bathtub and tried to calm her nerves. The dream from the night before still sketched itself out in the corners of her mind on an instant replay. Nothing she did could erase the images. It had seemed to be etched into her imagination with permanent ink. She could not allow this to keep happening. No more thoughts of him. No more erotic dreams of him. This had to stop.

Ana closed her eyes in hope to rid him and all his baggage away for good, but it seemed damn near impossible to do so. How could she be in the same room with him tonight if all she could think about was how he made her body tingle then and now? The answer to that was she couldn't.

Just outside the bathroom, she heard a pair of heels click on the wood floor. "Are you almost ready to go? The cab will be here in ten minutes. The traffic going there has already picked up." Kate announced as she fixed her diamond earring stud into her right earlobe. She dropped her hand to her side as she noticed her hunched over appearance. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," Ana said unconfidently. "Would you hate me if I said I didn't want to go?"

"What's going on? You seemed excited about going when we were getting ready. What's changed?" She asked and tilted her head to the side curiously. "Do you not feel good?"

She did have that type of sick to your stomach feeling, but it wasn't due to illness. It was because of a whole other reason, and there was no way she could confess that to even her best friend. The amount of judgement she would get from Kate if she only knew about her scandalous dream. It was better left unsaid. No reason to fuel the fire that was already lit.

"I feel fine, I guess. Not any different than how I have felt the past few days." Ana shrugged and rubbed her wrist. "I just don't want to go."

Her excuse would not be enough, though. Not by Kate standards. Maybe she should have lied about the severity of her pain and discomfort. At least, that would have been believable and plausible.

"Ana, it will be fun. I promise." Kate pleaded.

Fun? Where would be the fun in trying to avoid Christian all night? The last thing she wanted was to be in the same room as him while her mind wanders back to the sexually gratifying dream she had. If anything, the night would be stressful and awkward. Why couldn't she had just had a nightmare?

"But..."

"I didn't just spend over an hour styling you for you to stay home. You're going. It would be a shame for everyone to miss out on how beautiful you look anyways." She stated with a soft, genuine smile.

There was the guilt trip. A classic move made by Kate. While she had taken the time to make her look less frumpy than usual, it did not change anything. She still wanted to strip down from her makeover and curl up on the couch pretending she wasn't attracted to a man that she shouldn't be.

Ana looked up from her long mascara lashes and saw the determination on Kate's face. She would force her against her will if she had to. It wasn't like she hadn't before. The timid battle she fought had been lost. Her invisible white flag waved in the air as she stood up and sighed. You win, Kate. You always do.

Reluctantly, she surrendered herself to the night, her tenacious date, and the notion that she would have to see Christian, too. This was not going to be fun, not by any means, but at least, she would look good while doing it.

...

The pavement just beyond the extended canopy that was draped out over the curb and onto the street was wet with heavy raindrops. The little amount of precipitation that was predicted for the night had turned into a full force monsoon as they had made their way to the event. Sheets of rain whipped and splashed in every direction. Puddles of water formed in every place possible that it could settle. A flash in the sky reflected in the hotel windows while a brief gust of dampening wind caused the long slit in her dress to flap open. Ana grasped the material in her hand as she stumbled her way out of the taxi cab with Kate close behind. Even the well-dressed men who were on door duty trembled at the sight of the weather as mother nature showed no mercy.

"Are you all right?" Kate asked as she noticed her peculiar stance. Hunched over and being misted by the rain, it appeared she was in discomfort to the wandering eye, but really she was just trying to keep the fabric of her dress together at mid-thigh.

"I knew I shouldn't have worn this dress," Ana sighed. "Or these heels."

"Come on, let's get inside," she replied.

As they passed under the illuminated letters that read, The Drake Hotel, the tuxedo men opened the doors. Kate and her shuffled in as the lake effect weather swirled and lashed out its mightiest wrath. The worry of her attire and the weather vanished though as she took in the sight of the hotel lobby before her. Fine detail could be found everywhere among the pure elegance that beamed from the soft carpet below her feet to the crystal chandelier twinkling high above. The well-dressed men and women scattered amongst the lobby complemented the decor as they wore fancy gowns and black tie suits. Beautiful was an understatement. It was breathtaking and utterly charming, and to think she had never set foot inside this fine establishment before. Suddenly, she was thankful for Kate's styling assistance as she blended in perfectly with the crowd and equally accompanied the vintage and classy decor.

"I told you it was magnificent," Kate chimed next to her with her girlish smile. Indeed, she had done so on the car ride over.

Unlike Kate, she had never been one to venture beyond the perimeters of where she felt comfortable. Kate's family were natural born leaders and overachievers who did not mind turning heads when they walked into a room. Crowds and events, such as this, were welcoming while striking up a conversation with prestigious individuals, even complete strangers were expected. None of that seemed the least bit interesting to her, though. A subtle, intimate setting was what she desired with people she knew. The thought of having to make small talk sparked anxiety. It was different in a hospital setting where medicine and anatomy were easy conversation starters, but here, she doubted that was what anyone wanted to talk about tonight.

Pairs of eyes followed her, some direct while others only hovered for a second. She gulped in discomfort at the tiny spotlight that followed her without warning. Many people had heard of her accident, especially since she was part of the Northwestern medical family, but that was not the only reason they had caught wind of who she was and what had happened. It was the other name attached to the accident report that had stirred the muffled words shared between those who talked. People knew her name now thanks to him, and she was not sure she was keen on the idea of that. Actually, she knew she wasn't and the tiny pot of water boiled inside her at the thought of him.

"Ana, what's wrong?" Kate asked and stepped in front of her. The glowing girl who was in her element faded upon the realization that they did not share the same admiration for what was going on around them.

"I don't know if I can do this, Kate." Ana shook her head. "I feel like people are staring, and..."

"People are staring because you look amazing." She placed her hands softly on her shoulders.

She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "No, they're staring because I'm that girl that was in a coma thanks to Christian Grey." Even Kate knew this was true, whether she would admit to it or not.

"If that's all you focus on tonight, you're not going to have any fun. Please, Ana, you need a night of fun. Trust me." Kate argued but had a point. "We don't have to stay for the whole event, but at least, try to enjoy yourself. These things are what you make of it."

Damn you, Kate! She hated when she was right, even if she secretly wished for her to agree to ditch this event altogether, take off their heels, and have a night in eating pizza. Her stomach growled at the thought of some of Chicago's finest dishes. Surely, the gala would not starve their attendees and so she requested they find the food and refreshments first. The fact that she did not protest against Kate's outlook on the night she was happy to indulge in her request.

As the walked deeper into the hotel, they saw a printed, glitter sign that designated the purpose of each room. Taking a moment to look it over, Ana found where her heart desired. One of the board rooms had been transformed to cater to the thirsty and hungry. There she hoped to find even the simplest of finger foods.

Upon entering the board room, the aroma of different cuisines thrilled her senses as they found the room lined with buffet style silver trays on one side and a wide selection of drinks on the other. While most people held fluted glasses of champagne and wine, she opted for sparkling water. Doctor's orders heavily advised no consumption of alcohol while she took pain medication. She was not about to test her limits or go against it. The outcome was not worth it.

After hovering over the cheese and fruit tray to satisfy her palate, Kate beckoned her to explore. It seemed the gala had taken up most of the hotel lobby, hallways, and ballrooms on the main floor. Her curiosity sparked as she wondered if the whole hotel had been advised to cater to this one special night on the hospital's behalf. She would not be surprised if it did.

In the French Room, blue lights cascaded the walls as white-clothed tables lined two perfect rows for people to walk down as they made their silent bids. The room had been designated for the silent auction. Only casual whispers were exchanged under the music that kept it from being too quiet and unsettling. Her eyes scanned the dozen of prized possessions that were showcased. She was no match for the numbers that would be written down on the tiny white cards. While all the profits went straight to various charities and funds for the hospital, what she could bid was not comparable. Her small donation would be made without the need of something in return. She made a mental note to remember to do so before she left.

Reluctant to humor Kate's amusement and gawk at the displayed auctioned items, she hovered near the open threshold that led into the Golf Coast Room, where tables, chairs, and many people occupied its space. Music from the Grand Ballroom was piped through the speakers at a low volume so people could speak and dine. She watched as women's dresses sparkled under the light and dragged elegantly across the floor. Men, who normally wore scrubs, white coats, and dress shirts looked dapper and relaxed as the daily hustle of being under hospital duties seemed to wash away. The boisterous tune that had brought life to the room took a change of pace as a rendition of "Young and Beautiful" by Lana Del Rey played through the speakers. The lighthearted, big band direction of the song soothed her. It was different and had a classical feel to it that matched the mood of the night and setting that surrounded her. Ana sipped her sparkling water delicately as she observed the tame crowd. She wondered where the night would take all of them once the alcohol would start following. She smirked at the thought. Even doctors and nurses liked to let loose from time to time. But, as she finally had grown accustomed to the idea of actually enjoying the night for what it could be, she froze. The glass in her hand nearly slipped from her grasp and her knees locked. She felt grateful to be close to a wall to lean on because she was sure she would have fallen, if not. Her chest grew tight and her throat went dry. There he was in all black and white. There was the man that she couldn't quite shake. The man who had invaded her life, and now her dreams, too. And just when things couldn't be any more tense, she watched him shift as if he knew her eyes were on him. Carefully, he looked over his shoulder at her.

A tiny gust of wind captured her breath and whisked it away. Did he sense her presence?

The subtle hint of a smirk grew out of one corner of his mouth. Please don't look at me like that, she thought and dropped her gaze almost immediately. A blush crawled its way up her neck to her cheeks. She could not let him see that she was undeniably affected by him now more so than ever. The betrayal of her unconscious thoughts had followed her here. Fast images of him from her dream sparked in her mind. This was not happening. She would not allow herself to think these thoughts anymore. She wanted to feel disgusted with herself, but instead, all she could feel was entirely something else.

Their brief undefined moment was disconnected though as his attention was drawn back to a tall sophisticated man and a sleek blonde who casually placed her hand on his lower back. It did not take much effort for her to figure out who the woman was next to him. Her possessive nature reeked throughout the ballroom as she made sure to claim him with every fluttering glance from the female form that passed them. What did he see in her? Ana tilted her head to the side as she tried to piece the puzzle together that was their relationship. On the surface, they were a good looking couple, but beneath something did not settle right. Her wondrous thoughts danced with an array of scenarios as to how these two came together as one.

"Ana, dear," the cheery voice of Dr. Grey came from her left and withdrew her from her fascination that was directed toward her son. "You look lovely. I'm so glad you made it."

"Thank you, Dr. Grey." Ana politely smiled. "You look beautiful, too."

"Please, call me Grace, especially tonight. I'm off duty as is everyone else." She chimed and waved her hand at the crowd of people. "Well, not exactly. I'm on-call, but you understand."

Ana nodded with a tight lip smile. Her fingers curled uncomfortably around the glass of her sparkling water. Was she on this woman's radar or something?

"Have you had a chance to explore and take it all in yet? It's quite breathtaking all the decor, don't you think? Our committee really goes over the top and outdoes itself each year." Grace rambled on not coming up for air once. Her questions seemed rhetorical as she left no room for a response on her end. "Oh, and the band this year is just wonderful. We usually have a DJ and a small orchestra, but a live band seems to have made it even better."

Completely flustered by Grace's charade of twenty questions, she had not noticed the warm body that had approached them. The sound of his deep voice caused a hitch in her breath as he began to speak. "Mother, are we violating doctor, patient confidentiality again?" Christian inquired.

Seeing him from a distance was more than enough to cause an irregular beat in her chest. Now, her heart threatened to quit altogether. The inevitable storm that swelled inside her whenever he was near had begun again. It was a mystery as to what emotion would come forward first amongst the mix.

"Oh," Grace covered her mouth and shook her head. She took a step closer to her and dropped her voice. "I do hope that I didn't cross a line speaking with your doctor, Ana. We didn't discuss anything in detail. I don't want you to think poorly of him or me, or any of the staff."

Here we go again, Ana recognized quickly that Grace's speech had picked up in speed. Her eyes flickered to Christian who found his mother's justification of her actions amusing, yet somewhat annoying. He must have been used to her usual banter.

"Dr. Grey, Grace," Ana held up her free hand as a universal signal to stop. "It's fine. I appreciate your concern, really."

"Well, if there is anything I can do," she added.

"Christian, darling," the cold, sharp voice that belonged to Elena entered the conversation. All their heads turned upon her arrival. The way she carried herself screamed bitch. "My father needs to speak with you. He wants to introduce you to someone." She announced a matter of factly as her hand gravitated to Christian's shoulder.

The plastered smile upon her nip tucked face appeared forced. If this was the type of woman Christian liked, she was way out of his league. Not that she wanted to even be in his league, but it was good to know where his preferences lied. As she shifted uncomfortably in her presence, she sensed she was not the only one who picked up on her fake facade.

"Grace, don't you look stunning." Elena leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. Now, she was not the only one who was putting on a front. "I have to say everything looks spectacular."

With her hands clasped together in front of her, Grace responded, "It's good to see you, Elena." She said tight lipped. "The committee really went all out per usual. I'm very pleased with it all."

"As you should be," she smirked on cue. Ana rolled her eyes and he had seen her do so. Shit!

The intensity of his stare increased the temperature in the large room from pleasant to warm. Silently, she pleaded for him to look away but he did not seem to take the hint. He had watched her roll her eyes at his fiancé's comment, and yet, there was no anger behind them. If anything, there was amusement that hovered over something else. What it was exactly she could not tell?

A wave of dizziness came over her as his stare haunted her. The way he looked at her now almost paralleled the way he had looked at her in her dream. It sent a chilling shiver down her spine. She had been here for no more than fifteen minutes and it had already proven to be too much to handle. What could that possibly mean for the rest of the night?

Ana pressed her back harder onto the wall to keep her balance. Her unstable stance went unnoticed by the two women, but not by Christian. With his eyes glued to her, his lips parted as if he were about to express his concern, but was quickly diverted back into the dull conversation that Elena conducted.

"Well, I'm sorry to intrude like this, but I must steal Christian away. You know how important these events are for business opportunities." The diamond ring on her finger sparkled under the light.

"Of course," Grace nodded and shuffled inside her clutch. "Excuse me, I have to take this."

Before she was out of earshot, Ana could hear her attend to what sounded like a work related call. While she was happy to no longer be cornered by Christian's mother, she felt the extreme discomfort of being stuck with Christian and Elena.

"Come, Christian. We can't keep father waiting." Elena chimed and looped her arm through his in her efforts to guide him away. She began to wonder if his presence being requested was even true at all. It was no secret that Elena did not like her. The woman possessed the urge to be nasty, and a little white lie to halt whatever chance he had to talk with her seemed likely. If anything, Elena was doing her a favor.

As they both turned their backs to her, she let out a sigh of relief. The bitch may have completely ignored her, but it was better than her impersonal remarks like the ones she had made with Grace. She was curious to know what his mother thought of their relationship. In no way was she over the moon happy with her soon to be daughter in law. That she could tell in the brief time they spent together.

"That woman is really a piece of work," Kate mentioned.

Ana pushed off the wall and straightened her dress out. The idea of Kate being a silent witness to the small, wordless encounter she had with Christian made her uneasy. She was the queen at deciphering the obvious.

"I'll say," Ana replied in a small voice and drank the rest of her sparkling water. Suddenly, she wished for it to have a kick. Liquid courage was something she could use right about now.

"It's funny, though." She laughed.

"What is?"

Kate sipped her champagne nonchalantly. "She's so focused on herself that she didn't even notice her man staring at another woman." Crap! She had witnessed the entire thing, at least, the part when Christian had shown up.

"I think he still feels bad about what he did," her voice was a little too high and a little too quick.

"Or maybe he has lost an interest in blondes," Kate added.

"What are you inferring, Kate?" Ana snapped.

"All I am saying is, from the moment that man woke up you have been the first thing on his mind whether he realizes it or not." She explained. "And I think he has more than an apology on his mind."

This was not happening. She did not have to listen to this, not from Kate.

"That's ridiculous!" Ana exclaimed and placed her empty glass on a passing tray. "We are talking about the man who almost killed me, remember?"

"I know. I'm sorry, Ana." Kate dropped her attraction intuition. "It's just I couldn't help but notice that he was staring at you the entire time his fiancé was next to him. You just notice these things."

 _That makes two of us_ , Ana inwardly noted. It didn't matter where his line of vision had been, though. He was with Elena. He was devoted to her and every single business person under the roof tonight. No matter what he wished to speak to her about, he would be too distracted, and that was fine by her. The better the chance she had to avoid him, the better her night would be.

"You promised me fun, right? Let's do that." Ana quickly changed the topic.

The dimples in Kate's cheeks formed as she smiled mischievously, grabbed her wrist, and headed for the Grand Ballroom.

Inside the ballroom, the band took center stage at the end of the room as they struck up a new cover song that pleasantly went over well with the crowd. The dance floor was thin, but grew as the tempo picked up. People of all ages moved to the heart of the dance floor as a variety of dance styles blended together distinguished by a difference in generations. It really was a sight to see, and so Kate and her got a closer look. Near the edge of the dance floor were small, round tables set up and they took a seat. They watched as people made fools of themselves and danced to the music. They sang along with the songs that they recognized. Before she could realize it, she was actually having fun. The thoughts of Christian that had penetrated her mind were pushed back into the cluttered files of her brain. All the troubles and worries that had consumed her had faded for the time being, and it was refreshing. But it was not long before their undeclared girls night was interrupted by a tall, dark, and handsome man who asked Kate to dance. Kate head turned immediately in her direction for her permission to go in fear of leaving her alone. It was nice of her to be concerned about her, but she also knew that she had craved for some male attention all night.

"Go!" Ana shouted. Kate mouthed, _thank you_ to her as she took the hand of her dance partner and was soon lost in the crowd on the dance floor.

As one song faded out, another faded in. Ten minutes passed before it dawned her that she would most likely not see Kate until later in the night or the early morning depending on how well she hit it off with the guy. The few times she had gone out with her, she knew that possibility of her becoming infatuated with a man and not seeing her for most of the night was not uncommon. So, now she had a choice to make. Either she could walk around the hotel and explore or call a cab. She debated the idea of heading home. With Kate occupied, she really did not see the point in staying. If Kate did wonder where she had went, she would blame it on being tired and weak. Surely, she would understand that.

"Would you care to dance?" His voice startled her.

Standing next to her table, Christian towered over her in all of his glory in his crisp suit. He was very attractive and did clean up well. For someone who had just been in a serious accident not that long ago, you could never tell. Then again, maybe that's how he wanted it to appear. They both hid the scars that would forever remind them of what had happened.

"I don't think your fiancé would like that very much," Ana replied.

"She doesn't dance," he informed her.

"I still don't think she would like it."

Christian cleared his throat. "It doesn't matter what she would like," he stated. "What matters is what I like and right now I would like to dance with you."

Was he trying to create a scene? If he really wanted to dance, he should be pleading with the woman he came with, not with her. Some men were idiots, and right now he was one of them.

"And what if I don't want to dance with you?" She challenged him. The courageous girl that hid within her decided to shine. Where had she been early?

"I guess that's fair." There was defeat in his voice. "I understand why you wouldn't."

"I think it's for the best that we don't."

He closed his mouth and pushed his hands into the pockets of his suit pants. A brief moment of silence went by before he spoke again. "It's just a dance. A innocent action between two people." Why the hell was he so determined?

"Then dance! You don't need me." Ana waved her hand out to the crowd. "I'm sure there are plenty of women who would love to dance with you."

"But I don't want to dance with any of these women." His eyes scanned the room before falling back on her. "I want to dance with you."

The brave outspoken girl quickly crawled back into her hole. She had left her when she needed her the most. How was she supposed to respond to that? Her words were a jumbled mess on the tip of her tongue.

Christian reach out his hand toward her. She stared at it like it was a foreign object that had just been presented to her for the very first time. "One dance." He spoke. Ana shook her head and blinked rapidly. His hand moved closer to her. "For Christ sake, Ana, it's just a dance." His tone flared with annoyance.

"If I dance with you, will you leave me alone the rest of the night?" She asked.

"If that's what you want," he replied.

Non-verbally, she agreed to his request and placed her hand in his. He helped her up from her seat and they walked out on to the dance floor. This was all sorts of wrong. If Elena saw them dancing, she would surely have a fit. If anyone recognized the two of them together, it would stir controversy. He had to have known this, but clearly he did not care. For a man who upheld his image, he was going against everything he was taught at the moment.

Brushing past a few couples, they found their spot on the dance floor. Ana inhaled a deep breath as he clasped her hand tighter and placed his other hand on her back. She shuddered at his touch in the hope he didn't notice. The music settled into a softer tune of "All of Me" and she rolled her eyes as the mood changed from upbeat to slow. Perfect timing.

"I was surprised to see you sitting there." He remarked. Her determination to look anywhere but at him was diverted. Like a silent command, her attention was drawn toward him. "I thought someone would have surely swept you up."

"Well, I was actually quite enjoying sitting there until you showed up." Ana retorted.

"No, you weren't." Christian shook his head as they swayed on the dance floor. "You looked miserable sitting there. Why were you all by yourself?"

"If you must know, I wasn't alone for very long." His eyes narrowed upon her explanation. "Kate, my date, she got asked to dance right before you showed up."

She could see the gears in his head turning. _Kate, her date._ The assumption he must have made from her comment amused her. If she was not mistaken, he was trying to understand where her preferences lied at the moment.

"I see," he nodded and looked off in the distance.

Ana began to laugh. "She's my friend. I asked her to come with me because I didn't know who else to ask." Why she felt the urge to explain to him what her relation to Kate was baffled her. She should have played it out that she rooted for the other team that way he would stop with his charade of attempts. But no, instead she blurted out the truth. _Fool!_

"Ah." A sign of relief came across his face in the subtle hint of a smirk.

In his hold, she felt like putty. The wall she put up in defense somehow always came down whenever she was close to him. Why was that?

The fear of her mind slipping into remission of her inappropriate memories of her dream alerted her. Not now. Not here. Not when she was nearly pressed up against him. The tingle in her body returned almost instantly. She had to do something about it. She could not let herself focus on him like that.

"Aren't you breaking some type of business protocol being out on the dance floor?" She inquired.

"Even business men need a break."

"By dancing with other women besides their fiancé?" Ana raised her eyebrow. His jaw stuck out and his eyes flared with caution.

"I told you, she doesn't dance." He simply stated and breathed heavily out through his nose.

Ana rolled her eyes again. "She may not dance, but that doesn't mean she wants her fiancé to be dancing with someone else." Was that anger she sensed? "Look, I don't know you or her, or your relationship, but I'm telling you right now you're not making yourself look good."

"And what does that make you?" It was his turn to challenge her. "You are out here on the dance floor with me after all."

"Not by choice."

"Ana," the sound of her name rolling off his tongue made her breathing uneven. "You always have a choice. If you really didn't want to dance with me, you wouldn't have, but here you are."

No, he didn't get to play the victim here. She was the victim. If she hadn't agreed to dance with him, he would have bothered her for the rest of the night. Every corner that she turned he would be there waiting. She turned her head away from him. What was he hoping to achieve? It seemed the further she pushed, the harder he pulled. All because he was stuck on a stupid notion that he knew her from somewhere. He didn't. He was delusional.

"I still have the choice to file charges against you which is seriously crossing my mind right now." Her words escaped her out of pure frustration.

"If that's the way you feel," Christian responded.

So, now he wasn't up to challenge her?

"How are you even walking around without any repercussions? You had alcohol in your system. Isn't that enough without my involvement to have you in some sort of legal trouble?" She asked curiously.

Christian licked his lower lip. His mouth was distracting.

"Let's just say I have a very good legal team that took care of that." He remorsefully answered.

"Oh," Ana understood what he meant. The accident report was filed, but the detail about his intoxication clearly never made it into the report. She could only imagine the corruption that played a role in that deal. Honestly, it disgusted her.

There was nothing further stated about his legal indiscretions as they continued to dance in silence. Her efforts to avoid his eye contact resumed as she slowly drifted her gaze over all the happy couples. His hand on her back pushed her in closer which caused a hitch in her breath. Now, he was too close for comfort. The arousal that she had experienced in her dream like state fluttered forward without warning. When it came to him, she was so hot and cold. Their spat only a minute ago had seemed to fade into the background as the music caressed their souls. This was really becoming too much for her to handle.

As her eyes darted feverishly around the room to take her mind off of him, she spotted Kate. She looked pleased with her choice in dance partner. Somehow she must have sensed she was being watched because she looked in her direction and an instant panic washed over. Oh no, Kate saw her with him. Her eyes grew big. She could see her mouthing the question, Is that Christian? It only insinuated more panic and the need to flee.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this." Ana's words stammered out of her mouth for the third time that night. Taking a step back from him, she placed a hand to her forehead. "I have to go."

Quick and without further explanation, she turned on her heel and lifted the hem on her dress off the floor. She pushed her way through the crowd of dancing people one by one. Each time her shoulder collide with someone, she felt the twinge of pain erupt. Now more than ever did she want to get away. The music, the air, everything felt like it was suffocating her. As fast as she could, she dashed out of the ballroom and down the hall filled with stylish people. No one cared to notice the frantic girl that rushed past them nor did she want them to notice. All she wanted was to clear her head.

Rounding the corner to the lobby, she saw the storm outside bellow. Her heart desired to be drowned in the rain and feel the thunder strike around her, but her conscious advised her otherwise. Instead, she continued on into a small space just off the lobby entrance where she leaned up against the wall and closed her eyes. What the hell was she thinking? Dancing with Christian? With a man who was basically married and had put her in a coma? Did she not have any dignity? Apparently not.

"Ana." His breathless voice met her ears. Shit, he had followed her. Had people seen?

"Go away, Christian." She demanded with her eyes closed in a desperate plea.

"I came to see if you're alright," he proclaimed. "You just took off."

"Clearly, I'm not!"

A child could have come to the conclusion that she was not okay. Why did he care anyways? His concern should have lied with Elena, his fiancé, the woman he was supposed to be paying attention to, not her. She didn't want his concern. She didn't want anything from him. The more he tried to pry into her life, the more she felt less in control of it. How could she make him see that?

Inspiration from the unlikeliest of places sparked within her fragile mind. The words poured from her memory from the night before as she had stepped past the threshold of sleep and into her imaginary world. How perfect they would fit now.

"I can't be your escape, Christian." Ana sighed and opened her eyes. There was not much empty space between them in the small space that he had forced himself into with her. His hot breath could be felt on the skin of her cheek as he searched for a response. Her statement had caught him off guard.

"Escape?"

Ana pressed her shoulder blades into the wall to distance herself as much as she could from him. No man followed a woman like he had unless he had intentions. It was obvious to her now. What those intentions were, she could not positively answer. She could only make assumptions, and she feared that those assumptions could be true.

"I don't know what's going on, but you have to stop _this._ " She motioned her hand between the two of them. "It's not right."

"But what if I don't want to stop?" Christian replied quickly.

The caged butterflies in her stomach begged to be free. Only he could summon them to dance like this. He had to stop this. He could not possibly want this to go any further if he had any ounce of respect for himself.

Ana sighed once more and collected the scripted words she had clung on to in her dream. "You only want what you can't have." To hear her say it out loud sounded odd, but fitting. "It doesn't matter what you...or I feel because it's not going to happen. We can't live out this fantasy you have. In the end, that's all this is."

Dead silence rang on his end. He looked mad, but more than anything he looked stunned. Like her words had touched him in a way that no words had before. What she had said had to have stung, but he needed to hear it. Clearly, she was the only sensible one that saw it for what it really was even if took every ounce of her to hold her ground. With him so close, she wanted nothing more than to grab his face and kiss him. It was wrong to think that, but it was the god honest truth. If she hadn't been sure about her feelings for him before her dream, she was now. However, that didn't make it right.

To be attracted to him felt like a sin. A sin that she wanted to wash away or bath in entirely. That's how damn confusing he was to her.

Christian stuck out his jaw and nodded his head slightly. The initial anger had subsided. Now, he just appeared in awe and scrambled for something to say. His tongue darted out his mouth and across his bottom lip. His chin rose up and his eyes softened. "You're wrong." He stated. "You're only lying to yourself if you think that a fantasy can't become a reality because it can. If you want it bad enough, as much as I want you right now, you can make it happen. And baby, I want it to happen more than you know."

Had that not been the exact same response he had given her in her dream? Word for word. Same intensity. It was like they both had read from a script that had been written solely for them, but it wasn't possible. There was no way he knew what he had said to her then. Unless...a bitter chill ran down her body.

 **Author Note: To see what Ana's dress looks like and listen to the songs from the gala, head over to my blog. .com**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 - Christian

"Tell me about her," Dr. Flynn demanded in his soft, endearing voice.

Christian stood with his hands on his hips in front of the window that overlooked the hustle of the city. He watched the world below him as he pondered the prying statement made from his therapist.

For years he had spent his time staring out windows, sitting on couches, and even lying on floors to discuss the depths of his complex mind. For hours, he had relied on a single man with a psychology degree and his rich experience to decipher his latest complications or revelations all depending on his current events. This time was no different.

"I've already told you about her," he sighed and dragged a hand over his tired face. "What more can I say?"

"I'd like to hear it again. If that's alright with you?" Flynn asked.

No, it was not, but he knew he wasn't shoveling a couple hundreds of dollars into Flynn's bank account on a weekly basis just to stand in a silent torture amongst his presence. Just like a house of cards, he collapsed upon his inquiries. His stubborn like tendencies did not even stand a chance, not with him, and not with her.

"Ana," Christian began. How could he convey who she was to him into words? "I can't help but feel like I know her. Like we've met before." He bowed his head and placed his hand on the glass of the window. "And every time I look at her or think about her, it just eats me up inside."

There was a long pause before Flynn proceeded with his observations.

"Why _do_ think about her?"

Wasn't that what he was supposed to tell him? He was the mastermind of human puzzles. Speaking of her only made him tense, more so than usual. She was a sensitive subject. Flynn knew this, and it was his duty to wake the beast inside him that carried so much confused and pent up emotions.

"I was hoping you could answer that, doc." Christian's sarcasm caused a short chuckle from him. "I don't know. Her name was the first word I spoke when I woke up from my coma. She was the first person I saw, and somehow she continues to be the last thing on my mind every night before I fall asleep."

Pushing himself away from the window that he had used for support, he turned around and shrugged his shoulders. "I came here today in hopes of seeing her, and I did." He focused on the mural painting on the wall. It was abstract and loud, just like this thoughts.

"Go on," Flynn encouraged his open book mantra.

"I think I was more pleased to see her than she was to see me." His voice fell upon the memory. He closed his eyes tight as he continued to unravel his soul. "She hates me. She has every right to. I did fuck up her life, but I can't help but feel there's a connection that goes beyond what I did to her."

Flynn nodded his head and scratched a few notes down onto his notepad that rested on his knee. He wondered what sort of remarks he noted in that little soul catcher he carried everywhere with him. How many souls did it hold? And what secrets of his did it reveal? Even outside of his usual office setting, he appeared professional and equipped to tackle his demons with him.

Selfishly, Christian extracted the idea that he was Flynn's favorite. He was fucked up, complex, and infatuated with a woman who was not his fiancee. He was a psychologist's dream.

"This connection, have you ever thought that maybe you're reading into it too much? That maybe it doesn't go beyond what happened and it's just your guilty conscious that's creating this idea of a deeper connection." His insightful statement was something to think about. "Or, maybe it is entirely something else. Something you can't admit to yet or you haven't been discovered yet."

He hated when he did this. Never a solution, only more open-ended questions to fill his already frustrated mind. "But which one is it?" He complained.

"That's something you'll have to figure out for yourself. I can't give you a definite answer, Christian. You know that." Flynn set his pen down and looked up at him. "You have the answer, you just have to find it first."

...

 _You have the answer, you just have to find it first_ , those words echoed in his head loudly as his hands were full with the woman who continued to stir the madness. Like a well thought out dialogue, he paid close attention to every fine detail that radiated from her in hopes to reveal the answer he so desperately sought. But, his sporadic mission had seemed to only push him further away from any positive progression.

The music played out as he held her possessively in his arms. She had succumbed to his request. He had been sure she would have told him to go to hell or storm off, but his persistence had worked his favor.

A tiny hollow ball rattled inside his head thanks to Ana's persistent need to point out several times of his disloyalty to Elena. Was he outline for asking another woman to dance when his fiancee was perfectly equipped for the task? Abso-fucking-lutely. But that didn't stop him. He betrayed her and himself the moment he put one foot in front of the other and found Ana sitting in the ballroom all alone. What could be chalked up to an innocent gesture from a strangers' point of view was nowhere near innocent. He had intentions, but what those intentions were was still a mystery to him. All he did know was that he needed to see her again, to speak with her, and to figure out what she could possibly mean to him. However, his attempt to find the answer he searched for continued to fail miserably. Ana's stubborn and agitated mood flared more so than ever around him tonight, but could he really blame her?

He had to ease her guarded mind, but how? She was a kingdom that demanded protection, specifically from him. What he wanted was to be able to walk through her gated doors and solve this puzzle that started and ended with her without the obstacles. Instead, he found himself trying to find a way to scale the walls that she built. He needed for her to let them down, even if it was only for a minute.

Drawing his attention back to her, Ana's eyes skimmed the room over his shoulder as her long lashes fluttered fast. It fascinated him to watch her transformation from a strong opinionated woman who threatened him openly to a girl who shriveled up within his hold and had become a bundle of nerves. Did he do this to her? His mind drifted to the possibilities and unconsciously he pulled her in closer to him. Her perfume drowned him in a sweet scent that he embedded into the Ana file of his brain. The file that held all his questions, memories, and mental notes of her. Fuck she smelled good. She looked good, too. His eyes fell down the front of her dress, and suddenly he felt embarrassed for letting himself do so. What the hell was he doing? He was a perfect example of what not to do as a man who was in a relationship. In that instance, he felt the guilt swallow him whole but not for long as her voice directed him back up to the surface for air.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this," she uttered and their connection was gone. "I have to go."

It happened all so fast. One moment she there before him and the next she had vanished into the crowd of people. Where in the world did she possibly have to go? It wasn't like she was fucking Cinderella. It wasn't even midnight yet nor could she possibly have a curfew to abide by. _No, she has a moral conscious, you idiot._ An invisible hand slapped him hard with reality. That was the logical explanation for her sudden departure that had left him solo, not some fairytale bullshit. And yet, it felt like the moment had been taken straight out of one because the next thing he knew he was chasing after her aching limbs and all.

Christian cringed as each step sparked a new radiating pain throughout his body. Sometimes it had escaped him of what had happened to him in that early hour of the morning. That he had screwed up and put himself through a brief, but a brutal boxing match that had left him in the ringer for far too long. It wasn't until a moment like this that he was cruelly reminded that even picking up his pace was a challenge for him. However, the adrenaline that flowed through him like white water rapids pushed him onward without a second thought of the pain he felt. He had to go after her.

What was it about Ana that made him pursue her? That was a loaded question.

Unable to give a short answer to his quick thought, he continued his pursuit to locate her through the crowd. Every time he caught a glimpse of what he assumed was her, he only found disappointment. Damn, she was quick even in heels. Heels that elongated those legs of hers that were intoxicating. _Shit, Grey, stop!_ Where was his head at? Well, he knew where he wanted it to be. _Seriously, knock it off!_

Taking a moment to regain himself from slipping down a slope that he was sure would only further his immoral judgements, he inhaled and exhaled deeply. He had to find a steady ground. He had to grasp his purpose of following her, otherwise, he would do something stupid like him pushing her away further than she already was.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the fabric of what appeared to be her dress vanish behind a wall just off to the side of the lobby. He glanced around at the warm bodies that inhabited the entryway of the hotel before he darted off in her direction. The amount of liquor that swam happily through them was enough to keep them distracted from the partially panting man who chased after a woman that he shouldn't be.

As he rounded the corner of where she was, he found Ana up against the wall with her eyes shut tight. Her bottom lip was slightly tucked inside her mouth and her palms gripped the fabric of her dress. She appeared to be in some sort of pain or discomfort. "Ana," he said her name breathlessly to capture her attention.

"Go away, Christian," she demanded sharply.

From her expression and her plea, he knew now that her sudden departure from the dance floor was entirely about him. It was always about him when he was involved, no surprise there. Maybe he shouldn't have chased after her. The girl wanted space from him. She wanted to breathe and all he did was suffocate her. Seriously, what the fuck was he doing?

"I came to see if you were alright," he lied. " You just took off."

Before he could even further explain and try to redeem himself, Ana blurted out, "Clearly, I'm not!" Her words absorbed through his thick skull and into the sponge of his brain where it echoed loudly. She was not okay. Even he could see that with the naked eye that she wasn't. This was all his fault. Regret was on the tip of his tongue now. He wanted to apologize on bended knees for being a righteous fool. That he would never bother her again and would move on with his life, but deep down he knew that was not what he wanted. She was a million scattered puzzle pieces and all he wanted to do was solve her.

He watched as her chest rose and fell with a sigh. _Just walk away. That's what she wants,_ he told himself, but his feet were glued to the ground. There was no chance of him going anywhere. Not when her pink lips were parted slightly. He wanted to hear what she had to say even if it another request for him to leave her alone for the thousandth time.

"I can't be your escape, Christian," Ana spoke firmly. She cast her gaze upon him behind her long lashes. Something hid behind those beautiful eyes and he stared at her for a long second. There was a familiarity in her statement like he had heard it before.

"Escape?" What did she mean by that?

They were too close for comfort. Being in her proximity with only a breath between them was dangerous, and clearly she knew that, too.

Ana pulled her shoulders back and pressed herself up against the wall as far as she could. No matter how hard she tried, the distance between them was minimal. It stirred crazy thoughts inside his head. The way she looked right now would do that to any man, single or not.

"I don't know what's going on, but you have to stop _this,_ " she stated and dropped her gaze. Her hand motioned to him and her. "It's not right."

What was _this_ exactly? Even he did not know how to label it.

A moment of clarity shined through the fog and clouds in his head. Ana was right. This was all wrong. Whether he would admit it or not, he knew he had crossed a line. This wasn't about making amends anymore. This was about something entirely else. Something that he could not fully grasp, yet. But, he could not just walk away. Not when she evidently recognized that there was more to the equation that they made up. There was only one way to find out.

"But, what if I don't want to stop?" Christian challenged her statement.

The knot in his stomach pulled tighter. While one side of the internal rope screamed guilt and sensibility, the other side tugged with hope and curiosity. It was like he was split into two. Had the accident and years of digging himself into self-deprecation caused this loss of sanity, or was it simply just her? Ana's eyes twinkled with an emotion he could not conclude from his brash inquiry. She drew in her bottom lip and shook her head. Denial was written all over her face, yet he sensed an ounce of curiosity within her, too. What wouldn't he give to know what was going through her mind at the moment unfiltered?

Voices of people from the lobby just beyond the short wall that concealed them caught his attention. He easily tuned out the world around him whenever he was in close quarters with her but was reminded that despite his mental departure reality was always around the corner. The tiny sigh next to him kept him from returning back to the real world, though.

"You only want what you can't have. It doesn't matter what you, or I feel because it's not going to happen." Her voice vibrated a memory to life. "We can't live out this fantasy you have. In the end, that's all this is."

Holy shit! Frozen in time, he stared at her in awe. Had he just imagined her saying all that or had she seriously just recited the exact same speech that had been given to him by the mysterious girl from his dream the night before? Holy fuck! No, it was not possible. He had to have heard her wrong or this was the strangest coincidence he had ever encountered. Spontaneous chills ran up and down all of his body.

 _You're officially losing it_ , he told himself. For a brief moment, he wondered what Flynn would make of this. Sometimes he wished he could carry him in his back pocket. Unable to get his professional opinion, he had to pick apart the moment by himself. The amount of confusion that lingered in the bubble he had created that now Ana inhabited was about to burst. There was simply no way she could know what she had said to him had been vocalized to him once before, even if it was in a dream. However, Flynn's words from their last session resonated with him.

What if by chance this wasn't a coincidence at all? That she knew of what she said because...no. Even that was a far fetched thought for him to have. There was no way she could have known the script that had been written in his dream. But, the longer he contemplated it, the more vivid the memory of his dream became. Maybe the mystery girl wasn't a mystery after all. Maybe it was Ana, just like he had hoped. How fucked up was that?

A wild idea occurred to him and he stuck out his jaw. He was going out on a limb here, but he had to try. He had to say it because it was so damn fitting. There was a war going on inside of him and the only way to keep it from tearing him apart was just to do it. So, he did.

"You're wrong," he replied and took a step closer to her. "You're only lying to yourself if you think that a fantasy can't become a reality because it can. If you want it bad enough, as much as I want you right now, you can make it happen." Her breathing had become shallow. "And baby, I want it to happen more than you know."

Ana's mouth hung open as she gasped at his blunt response. The wheels inside her head were clearly turning. Either she was in shock that he had said such a thing or she was just as confused as him about this strange moment of deja vu. As she tried to think of something to say, he was overcome with an arousing sensation. Just like the man he had portrayed in his dream, he wanted to do things to her. Things that would leave her panting and begging for more. Goddamn, he really was going to hell, but he honestly didn't give a fuck. He didn't care that he had come here with another woman. He didn't care that he had an image to uphold. All he cared about was letting go. He longed for it.

"This is too weird," Ana covered her face. Under her breath, she mumbled, "This isn't happening. It can't."

"But it is," he removed her hand from her face. "Ana..."

"I need some air." She announced and quickly moved around him and out toward the lobby.

Her instinct to run away from him had become a habit of hers. All he wanted was to talk to her. Dr. Flynn had been right. He had to find the answer for himself and here was the first clue. It was insane, but it was something. The connection that he wonder about was not just what lied on the surface. It was something deeper and he had just stumbled upon it. Now, he was more sure than ever he needed to follow her. It wasn't a matter of making sure she was just okay. It was a matter that would confirm whether he was insane or not because right now, he definitely felt borderline crazy.

Christian stroked his chin hard and groaned. He rounded the corner back out into the lobby that scattered people everywhere. His eyes scanned for not only familiar faces that could halt him in his quest to stop Ana from running away, but for her as well. She was quick one, however, not quick enough to divert his wandering eye. Ana stepped out under the hotel canopy with her arms wrapped around her tightly. _For heaven's sake!_ Putting one foot in front of the other, he went after her.

Outside, the wind had died down along with severity of the storm. The sky illuminated as a distant lightning bolt lit up the night while heavy raindrops continued to hit the pavement and everything in its path hard, including Ana. He shook his head in frustration as he watched her become soaking wet in her attempts to escape him. Her arms fell to her sides and she tilted her head back.

"Ana, please come back inside." He shouted over the rain. "I just want to talk."

"Just leave me alone, Christian." She said as her chest rose and fell.

Unable to keep his distance from her, he stepped out into the rain. The suit he wore would be ruined, but he didn't care. He approached her as his clothes became heavy and drops of water gathered at the tip of his nose. She turned her head toward him. Her eye makeup ran down her face.

"What do you want me to say?" Ana asked with defeat in her voice and looked back out at the street.

The rumble of thunder gave him time to think. "That what just happened has happened before." He answered. "You dreamt it too, didn't you?"

Ana bowed her head.

"I don't know what to think of it. I don't even know how it's possible," Christian spoke. "But we had the same dream. You know that it's true because otherwise you wouldn't have said what you said back there. I don't know why you said it, but you did."

"And I meant what I said. Just stop." She looked at him again.

"But don't you understand? We have a connection."

"The only connection we have is the fact that you hit me. You put me in a coma!" Her tone was harsh. "I almost died because of you."

"And I'm so sorry about that," he quickly replied.

"I know. I know because for some reason you have to keep telling me that. For some reason, you can't just leave me alone because of this connection bullshit." Ana threw her arms up in the air. "People have similar dreams all the time, Christian. It doesn't have to mean anything, though."

Even in the rain, he felt hot. She was on the denial train and it was pissing him off.

"It means something. It has to." He was so sure of himself.

"Do you hear yourself right now?" Ana exclaimed. "You honestly believe that? Look, maybe things aren't great at home or even in the bedroom for you, but I don't want and shouldn't be a part of this fantasy that you're living in. You and I, we can't and never will happen. Do you understand me?"

More than anything he wanted to silent that perfect little mouth of hers. The more she pushed him away, the more he wanted to fight for what he knew was right. You don't put all this effort into something or someone just for the hell of it. If that wasn't a fucking connection, than what the hell was?

"I meant what I said earlier." He stepped closer to her. Her eyes flared with warning. "You can't stand here and tell me that after what you dreamt of me doing to you doesn't give you the slightest interest as to what it could be like in reality. The way I made you feel. The way we felt together. It doesn't make you wonder?"

The way her body tensed told him that it did, but he knew she wouldn't admit to that. She was too stubborn at the moment to give him that satisfaction.

"Here's something you should know about me. If I want something bad enough, I'll get it. Do I make myself clear?" Christian raised an eyebrow.

"And what if I don't let you get what you want?" Ana retorted. Her eyes fluttered up and down from his stare to his lips.

Extending his hand toward her, he brushed her wet hair off her shoulder. She inhaled sharply at his gesture. "I've never been one to back down from a challenge." His voice was husky and low. What came over him next he should have known would leave him with an additional pain to the ones he already carried.

With both his hands, he grasped either side of her face and kissed her. The raindrops that soaked them made the kiss wetter than he had hoped for, but still exceptional. In his leap of faith, he knew that it would catch her off guard. He knew how desperate and wrong it was to kiss her like he had, however, that did not stop him. She could protest all she wanted. Her body would betray her every time and it did. The subtle change in her body language told him that, but it did not last long. Their disconnection happened so fast that he before he could stop her from breaking away, she slapped him hard. He had his fair share of blows to his face and body before, but not like this one. The slap would leave a mark. He grabbed his face and stared at her bewildered.

"Don't you ever do that again! What is wrong with you?" She shouted. "Do you not have any respect for yourself or your fiancee?"

"Ana, I..." Christian stuttered. She had some force behind that hit. His cheek stung badly.

"Don't follow me this time, please." Ana asked of him as she turned on her heel and walked down the sidewalk. It took every ounce of him not to because as she departed in a heated mood, he saw her touch her lips.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Ana

Warm tea soothed her cold hands as she sat curled up on one end of the couch while the tenacious Kate occupied the other end. She had prepared herself for this moment. The one that would beg of her to share every dirty little detail from the night before. Honestly, she wished she hadn't played eye spy from across the dance floor because then they would not be having this conversation at all. But she had and now she felt like she was in an interrogation room being poked and prodded by her line of questioning.

Ana set down her cup of tea on the coffee table and carefully ran through the scene of events. Her chest constricted with the memories. Her heart swelled with the rush of emotions she had and continued to feel for him. Her lips tingled at the mention of his head spinning kiss. This detail she almost opted to remain a secret, but instead, she shared reluctantly. As the truth left the tip of her tongue, she glanced over at Kate who was wide eyed and mouth gaping at her in shock.

"He kissed you," she reiterated the breaking and extremely confidential news that she had just shared with her. "Wow."

Ana rubbed the palm of her right hand that had left her with the stinging reminder of her encounter with Christian. It had happened so fast in the moment, and yet, now it played out in slow motion.

"Was it good?" Kate asked curiously. She was unbelievable sometimes, particularly right now.

"It doesn't matter," she shook her head.

Her eyes peered at her with suspicion. "That means it was."

"Like I said," Ana spoke a little louder. "It doesn't matter. It's not going to happen again. I told him to stay away and hopefully he finally got the message through that thick head of his."

"It is an odd way of apologizing," she pointed out humorously. There was a long silence before Kate spoke again. "I'm sorry, Ana. I know you just want to move on from what happened, from him. I think he really does want to make amends, even if he has a strange way of showing it. I hope for your sake that you're right and that he finally took the hint."

As much as she wanted to distance herself from him, she knew that it wouldn't be that easy. It never had been since she woke up in her hospital bed. This wasn't just a minor mishap that could be forgotten. This was something that shook the world beneath her feet in a way that would haunt her for months, maybe years, but hopefully not a lifetime. She could not imagine a lifetime of feeling like this. The pain, the torture, the bundle of emotions that quaked just at the mention of him. Something or someone would surely come along and help her erase it all. For now, though, she had to endure what life threw at her and she had to handle it to the best of her ability because she didn't have a choice. She never did the instance their worlds collided.

"In all honestly, I would just like to forget that last night ever happened." Ana sighed.

"Maybe for you, yes, but for me," Kate whistled. "Let's just say it was unforgettable in a very good way."

Well, at least one of them had a good night. _Shut up, you're night wasn't all bad. Stop lying to yourself,_ her conscious kicked her swiftly. The unravelling of Kate's night filled her ears, but she was lost in thought. There was no concentration to be had outside her bubble that trapped her against her will. All she could think about was how incredibly mind boggling last night had been for her, and it all started with her stupidity. If she had never given him the satisfaction of one dance would she be here contemplating her feelings like a detective on a high profile case? The answer to that was no. No matter if she had denied him, he would have pursued her. He was too stubborn and too caught up in the notion of their irrefutable connection, according to him.

Her mind dug through to the bottom of her pile of problems and confusion that dealt with him to find the revelation they had discovered. While he had been outspoken about it, she remained silent. She didn't want to dwell on it in fear that he may be right. That it meant something and that something meant there was more to the puzzle that they made up. There was no logical conclusion to how or why they stumbled upon a replica of each other's dream, at least, not one that she could find. It was far fetched and coincidental by her standards, but even then she knew that she was only being rational when their situation had the potential of being irrational. He proved that to be true. What she wouldn't give for some simplicity in her life right now.

Rising from the couch, Kate smoothed out her long and silky locks of hair. "Where are you going?" Ana asked unable to recall a single word she had just said to her about the man she found herself canoodling with at the gala.

"I have a date," she smiled. "A lunch date, but a date nonetheless. I just said that."

"Sorry, you know it's hard for me to concentrate," Ana responded. Her hand guided to her head.

"I know. I would have a hard time too if a successful and ridiculously good looking man was chasing after me too." Kate teased. She held her hands up in defense. "I'm kidding, sort of. You know if he's really causing trouble, I could just give him a swift kick to the.."

"That wouldn't be necessary, Kate." She interrupted. "But, thanks. I think I can handle him and if it gets to that point, I'll gladly kick him where the sun doesn't shine myself."

"That a girl," she laughed. "I'm off. If you need anything, I'm just a phone call away."

"I'll be fine. Have fun of your date."

With a pep in her step, Kate was off to get lost the world of romance while she found herself only in the literary form. She sipped her tea as the rain outside picked up a bit as it hit the windows in rhythmic timing. Today was the perfect day to take her mind off things and read a book that would seclude her from her real life problems. As she rose from the couch wincing at her aching body, she made her way to the tiny book shelf in the living room and ran her fingers over the spinal bindings of the books. Which one would do the trick? Hmmm...

Breaking her from her decision making, a startling knock on the door made her jump. Had Kate forgotten something? Had she locked herself out for umpteenth time? Ana shook heard. She was a repeat offender for forgetting her keys. A cruel thought of making her wait outside in the rain for a minute put a smile on her face. That would teach her a lesson. _Not today, she has a date,_ she reminded herself and walked over to the door.

"I'm going to permanently attach your keys to you, Kate." She announced loudly for her to hear from the other side of the door. When she opened it, she frozen like the snow queen herself had cast her wicked charm on her. "Christian," the whisper of his name passed her lips.

What the hell was he doing here? She gulped hard at the sight of him. Wet spots from the rain temporarily stained his jacket and jeans. The corners of his lips twitched upward for only a brief second before he produced his mouth into a straight line. His stare that had pierced her soul as it did the night before had an equal intensity about it. _Oh no,_ Ana panicked. Unable to detect his intentions of showing up at her doorstep slightly terrified her, yet thrilled her all at the same time.

"I just want to apologize about last night," he announced. "I was way out of line."

Out of line? She wasn't entirely sure if there was even a line that divide right from wrong when it came to him. Crossing her arms, she raised her chin high. She had to appear strong and unamused by his surprise appearance when internally she was a candle that quickly melted beneath a flame. "Okay, apologize then."

The rain continued to soak him like a slow transition.

"I shouldn't have kissed you," he shook his head. Thin creased lines formed in the middle of his forehead. "I don't know what came over me, but no matter the case, it wasn't right. I'm sorry and I will respect your wishes and never bother you again."

He really had come all this way to apologize. She had half expected him to continue his charade from last night, but that simply was not the case.

Guilt simmered in her chest for some unknown reason. After her endless attempts to ask of him to quit bothering her and proclaiming ridiculous inquiries that pertained to them, he was doing so. He had finally decided to listen, to act upon her requests. Christian would no longer be that nagging thought in the back of her mind. Her life could press play and feel fresh again. However, a single thread was still attached to him. It was unbreakable. Even if he were to walk away and never speak to her again, she could never fully wash him from her mind. Her soul was scarred because of him. Her memories were laced with his indiscretions and perfectly formed physique. Her lips were forever graced by his touch. Christian Grey was no longer the man that had tripped into her life under horrible circumstances. He had twisted his way in and collided with her to the point that they couldn't unravel. Ana internally kicked herself for what she was about to do.

As he nodded his head, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket and turned quick on his heel. What needed to be said was now released out into the open. What more could he say at this point? His apology had been clear and now he had to stay true to his word, but watching him walk away was unacceptable. She could not explain what came over her in that moment, but that next thing she knew her mouth was open and she had asked, "Do you want to come in?"

Christian spun around sharply with utter shock upon his face. She held her breath waiting for his response. He was not the only one who was taken aback by her comment.

With his eyebrows furrowed, he looked down at the ground before he lifted his gaze back up. "Do you plan on slapping me again if I do?" He subtly smirked.

"That all depends." Her tone was much lighter now. "Do you plan on behaving yourself?"

"I'll try my best." Christian remarked.

Ana stood blocking the threshold debating her decision to invite him in. She still had a chance to shut the door in his face. She could end all the nonsense that floated between them right then and there, but instead she stepped back and let him inside.

Now, the question wasn't what the hell was he doing, but what the hell was _she_ doing? A part of her felt instant regret knowing that this was dangerous waters she was about to tread. It had been less than twenty-four hours since he had lasted kissed her and left her hormones skyrocketing over the skyscrapers of the city. Of course, he didn't know that. He could never know that. It was inappropriate on so many levels.

Upon entering, he stepped out of his wet shoes and shrugged off his jacket.

"I can take that," she offered to take his jacket from him. The quick brush of their hands caused an metaphorical electric shock between them. She chose to ignore it. "If you want I can throw it in the dryer for you."

"Yes, please." Christian rubbed his hands together. His eyes danced around her place taking in the sight her sanctuary. A man of luxury could not find amusement in the shoebox she lived in. She was sure of it, and so, she left him to make his silent judgements as she walked just beyond the kitchen into the makeshift laundry room.

Pressing a few buttons and throwing his jacket into the dryer, she leaned against the machine with her palms flat against the cold metal. _Good job, you invited him in and now you have no idea what to do with him,_ she quietly judged herself. If she could hit rewind, she would. Her impulsive move had backfired quickly. What on earth would she do with him now that he was inside her home? What would they talk about? She had been foolish. She should have just let him walk away, but she hadn't. This was her fault, not his.

Ana sighed and gathered herself before she had to tolerate his presence and her decision once more. As she stepped back out into the kitchen, she noticed him staring into the living room. It did not take much for her decipher where his gaze had landed upon. The dead bouquet of flowers he had sent her remained the centerpiece of her coffee table. _Shit!_

"Would you like something to drink?" She tried to divert his concentration away from the physical reminder of him in plain sight.

"No thanks," he replied. Her diversion had worked. "You have a lovely place."

"Thanks," Ana replied and poured a glass of water for herself.

With her back turned toward him, she could feel his penetrating stare on the back of her head and other parts of her body. The man that stood just moments ago on her front step had changed. The atmosphere in the room had shifted. She took a sip of her water to try and ease the gradually rising heat to her cheeks. Maybe it was time to address the elephant in the room.

"I'd thought you would have thrown them away," he ended the dead silence. "The flowers that I sent you. I knew you got them, but I'm surprised to see you kept them at all."

"Like I said before," Ana turned around and leaned the small part of her back against the counter. "They are beautiful. Well, were beautiful."

It appeared like he wanted to add something, but refrained himself from doing so. If only he had refrained himself from kissing her last night maybe she wouldn't have been so inclined to have him as a guest now. That was a lie, though. No matter how hard she tried to forget about their bizarre unconscious connection, she knew that it had happened and needed to be addressed. The timing of last night just seemed to overwhelm her. Now, her head was on a little straighter. She could think a little more clearly.

"Look, I know last night was a bit much and things got a little weird," Christian initiated the conversation.

"Weird doesn't even cover it."

He nodded his head in agreement.

"Can we at least talk about it, though?" He shrugged his shoulders. His stance showed signs of fear that she would shoot him down again with the idea. "I know that you didn't ask for any of this. I know it's extremely overwhelming for you, but it's for me, too."

"I know that," Ana responded. She would have to be blind to not see that.

Equally, they were both bombarded with questions and emotions that neither of them were prepared to feel, but each to their own had a way of dealing with it. While she was more reserved, he approached it with open arms. His confidence to address any situation was somewhat admirable, yet somewhat annoying, too.

"Ana, I'm not trying to make you suddenly change your mind about me. I hate the fact that you will probably resentment me to some extent forever. I don't blame you for that, but what I would like is for you to stop ignoring what's going on between us." He sighed. "You and I both know that after last night that there is definitely some sort of connection."

"But, what if it is coincidence?" Her theory was a long shot.

"Do you really believe that, though?"

"No," Ana bowed her head.

"Neither do I." Christian stepped forward. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but we should."

He was right. They should talk about it, but their X rated dream was not a topic she wished to discuss freely and openly.

"And what conclusion will that bring us? I'll admit that we had some freaky dream," her cheeks flushed red. The corner of his mouth twitched up again. "And I'll admit that there probably is some deeper connection going on for that to even be possible, but what else really needs to be said?"

Christian's eyes peered at her. He placed his hands on the back of a kitchen chair and leaned in a bit. "Oh, maybe the part about us fucking." Her breath was caught in her throat. The way he said _fucking_ made her whole body go hot.

"We could have shared any dream and that's the one we both conjured up." His tongue darted out of his mouth and licked his lower lip. "It's interesting, isn't it?"

"Not really," Ana put her guard up. "People have sex dreams all the time. Sometimes they even envision the other person as someone they never imagined of doing it with."

"And how many sex dreams with random guys have you had before, Ana?" Christian quickly inquired.

 _Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit._ Had he seriously just asked her that? It was so personal. She did not like where this was going. Her name rolling off his tongue echoed in her head. He was getting under her skin in a good and bad way.

"None besides you. Is that what you want to hear?" She placed her hands on her hips. "It was just a dream. That's it. We don't need to discuss it any further, okay?"

The familiar frustration that occurred whenever he was around was very much present at the moment. Yet, her body betrayed her as she felt the connection they shared wanting to draw her closer to him.

"Maybe you should go," she advised him. "Maybe it's time you hold on to your promise and just stay away for good."

"Why did you ask me to come in then? If it's not to talk, then why am I here, Ana?" There he went again dropping her name. Her palm tingled with the sensation to slap him again for being such a smart ass.

"Honestly, I'm asking myself the same question."

His eyebrows rose in curiosity from her response. The answer was there, but she could not find it. She could not form the right words to tell him why she hastily wished for him to not turn his back on her. The fear that burned inside her sparked wildly because as she debated what to do or say next, he moved closer to her. He inched forward like a panther stalking its prey. Her breathing became staggered and she pressed her thighs together.

"I lied." His hot breath touched the skin on her face. He placed his hands strategically on either side of her. She was trapped. "I don't feel bad about kissing you and I don't feel bad about wanting to kiss you this very second, but I won't. I know where you stand. I know how you feel. So, I'm not going to kiss you, unless you want me to."

It was next to impossible to stay strong with him so close. Her barriers were crumbling faster than a house of cards knocked over by a gust of wind. How could he do this to her? How could he make her feel so desired and unfazed by his indiscretions? Out of all the men to be attracted to, to feel the need to be involved with it had to be him?

Her hand tingled with the urge to rise and strike him. Maybe he needed some sense slapped into him again. Maybe he needed to be reminded that he needed to stop chasing after her. That there was a ring on another woman's finger that claimed him rightfully hers. But, as she drew up her hand his fingers wrapped around her tiny wrist and held it in place.

"Don't you dare." He warned her. "I've done nothing to you to deserve that again."

"You've cornered me in my kitchen," Ana breathlessly answered. Her words twisted the edge of the knife deeper into his gut. "You have a fiancee, remember? Or have you once again forgotten all about her?"

"I don't give a shit about her right now." Christian snapped.

"Well, you should!"

"The only thing I care about at this moment is you. I care about how much you hate me right now. I care about how much you're trying to deny me." His tone was like a fishing line reeling her onto shore. She tried to fight against his pull, but he was the one clearly winning. "Tell me that you didn't like it and I'll go. Tell me that I repulsed you when I kissed you. That you haven't replayed that dream over in your head and wondered what it would be like in real life. Tell me all of that, and you'll never see me again."

Was it that simple? His ultimatum was handed to her on a silver platter and all she had to do was tell him the truth. That she didn't enjoy it and that she had wiped away the memory with ease. She would no longer have to deal with him. To feel him suffocate her and question his morals. The words were ready and waiting in her throat, but she couldn't quite get them up and out of her mouth. That's when she knew that she had officially lost her fight.

With her free hand, she grabbed his shirt and kissed him. She had been the initiator. She had stepped over that imaginary line this time. Not him. The girl that inhabited her body was a traitor. She had completely blindsided her and come out of left field. Who was this girl and who let her loose? She was unstoppable.

The hand that Christian gripped tightly had become freed. It gravitated to the back of his neck while his hands pressed against her hips. She winced at the pressure. Her body was still sore in random places from the accident. Thankfully, he had not mistaken it for a pleasurable moan and moved his hands to her back. His embrace was tender, yet needy. His lips moved at lightning speed. Damn, he was a good kisser. Her dream did not do him justice when it came to his soft lips upon hers and the rest of her exposed skin.

Swiftly, he dropped his hands down to her ass and lifted her up on to the counter. He did so, but not without an audible moan of pain.

Between her legs he moved in and he placed his hands carefully on her thighs. She felt like she was back in high school all over again. Making out in the kitchen, but this time with a guy that was far too good looking for her and way out of her league. Not to mention, who had caused the aches and pains that radiated through her body. This was so wrong, but it felt so good. She hated herself. She wanted to stop, but she couldn't. She let Christian run his mouth from her jawline down to her neck. She let him slip a hand just underneath the hem of her shirt to feel her skin. She was about to let him go so much further until the tiny grunts that they continued to make back and forth from their discomfort finally go to her.

They were incapable of doing anything without sounding like two people who had aged beyond their years. While it may seem humorous to view it that way, it was definitely not. What had happened to them to make them feel inferior to normalcy was sad, but it wasn't permanent. With time they would regain strength again, but it wouldn't be overnight and no way would having an intense make out session that was becoming a little more physical than she had planned would help that either. But, that wasn't the only reason that made her drown the girl that had emerged. There were so many other factors that played into her decision to not go any further than this already had.

"Christian," she mumbled. "Christian, please stop."

"Did I hurt you?" He asked worried.

"No." Ana bowed her head. "We can't do this."

"But, you kissed me. I thought..." Christian argued.

"I did and I shouldn't have. I don't know what I was thinking. You were just there and I was just," she bit the inside of her cheek as she thought. Her hands covered her face. "Go home, Christian."

The weight of his body pushed her legs apart further.

"I don't want to go home."

"Go home, Christian!" Ana snapped and uncovered her face. "For crying out loud, go home to your fiancee. What you're doing her, to me, it's not fair."

He stepped away from her and ran a hand down his face. For a second, he looked lost like he understood the situation for what it was for the first time since he began his pursuit on her. After it passed, his expression turned to stone.

The beeping of the drying machine came on cue as if it knew that it was time for him to leave. His stay had been long over due, and to think that she could have avoided this bundled mess if she had just kept her mouth shut and closed the door ten minutes ago.

"I'm going to get your jacket. When I come back, I want you to go home. Don't argue. Don't even try to change my mind or think about coming back." Ana lectured him with her eyes focused on the floor. "If you know what's good for you, you'll do just that."

Christian didn't say anything. He stepped back and out of her way as she hopped off the counter and kept her head low. As she retrieved his now dry jacket, she mentally beat herself up over her decision and over actions. He wasn't the only one with indiscretions now. Her name had been added to that list and she didn't feel good about it.

When she returned to the kitchen, Christian was nowhere to be seen. Outside the large window from her living room that faced the street, she saw him. He walked in the rain to his car. A part of her almost went after him to give him his coat, but it was no use. Just as fast as a raindrop fell and hit the ground, he was in his sports car and driving away like a bat out of hell. The warmth of his jacket soothed her in an odd way and immediately she tossed it over the chair to rid herself of the reminder of him.

"What am I doing?" She moaned to herself and took a seat at the kitchen table.

Opposite of where she sat, she saw a small rectangular card that was not there earlier. She reached across and picked it up. Her breath hitched and she flipped it between her fingers. He had left his business card. He had left a way to get in contact with him, but why? The man never listened. No matter how many times she asked him to stay away it only seemed to make him want to come closer. And the message he wrote on the back of his card made that blatantly clear:

 _Thanks for the confirmation. When you're ready, I'll be waiting._

* * *

 **I just want to say a quick thank you to all of my readers. You've have been nothing but supportive and kind. I'm so happy that you are enjoying the journey of this story. Also, I wanted to mention that I would love for you all to connect with me at my blog .com, on Wattpad, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, too.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 - Christian

Five days. Five long and grueling days of torture he spent with his phone permanently attached to him. Day and night he found himself picking it up mindlessly in hope that she would call, text, or email. Every time the familiar ping or vibration drew his attention back to the small rectangular device his heart would skip in hope that it was her, but it never was. Why hadn't she contacted him yet?

He took a leap of faith that day in her quaint, but cramped kitchen as his body was set on fire. The turn of events that had led him from an innocent attempt to make amends to a full blown make out session on her behalf still rattled fresh inside his brain. Her urgent lips tasted divine. Her hands searched him like an undiscovered map. He wanted that again, badly. It was all he could think about, and yet, he tried so hard to keep it locked away. The more he replayed the scene and depicted every detail like a sports analysis, the more he disconnected from the world around him. That was something he simply could not do, but she had left her mark. She was imprinted in his mind, on his body, and in his heart. How could one woman, one beyond frustrating woman do this to him?

 _Focus, Grey,_ he tried to shake the thought of her as quick as it came flooding back. It was nearly impossible to have any sort of concentration when she lingered around like she did.

The message he had left her had been abrupt and bold, just like the way she had kissed him. He had not expected that. He had been sure that day he would have walked away from her place empty handed. However, he was granted the confirmation he had sought for from the moment he laid eyes on her. The feeling was mutual. It ripped at the seams to be explored, but her reservations and morality always seemed to win. It angered him that every time she let down her guard and embraced him, she was quick to shield herself at a moments notice. But could he blame her? He had wronged her from the moment their lives collided, literally. How could he possibly be mad when she had every right to turn him away?

The Ana file in his brain had officially begun to overflow. He had no other option but to turn his back and leave as soon as he did that day. Her mixed signals had become too much. While she had confirmed for him what he wanted to know, he could not longer be the pursuer. If this was ever going to be something more than a one sided game, he had to put the ball in her court with that message. _Thanks for the confirmation. When you're ready, I'll be waiting._ And so, he did.

Running his hand down his face and stroking his chin, he sighed heavily. Five days. The waiting game had begun to take its toll. Maybe his expectations had been too high. Surely, she would have popped back into his life by now. Instead, he remained with an empty void of hope that was slowly diminished before him.

A soft knock on the door drew him from his plummet of internal sorrow. He raised his eyes from his lap to the man who slipped into his office with a strained look of concern written across his face.

"So, all the whispers are true. You are in the building today." Mr. Lincoln noted. His crisp, clean suit moved almost as elegantly as he did.

His arrival through the revolving doors of Lincoln Corporations had caused quite a stir of curiosity. It had been publicized that upon his accident and recovery process he was not due back until he felt apt to fit and uphold his role with the company, or something along those lines. But for fuck sakes, if he had to endure another day in his apartment with the constant flow of wedding vendors that Elena had to meet with, he would lose it. His level of concentration there was shit, but so far since he stepped back into his office it seemed to be about the same. Different distraction, though.

The wedding. The big day. Unlike Elena, the stress that had stemmed from all of the planning did not weigh heavy on him as it did for her. From the moment he proposed, she had been in full swing with all the arrangements. She took full responsibility and control regarding their marital nuptials, and he was perfectly fine with that. His focus needed to be on the company that he would soon have under his feet. The power and control was within reach, but he could not do so

amongst the chaos that surrounded him. His hopes of being in the right setting would help accelerate the right state of mind.

Christian sat up straight in his chair and lifted his chin high. The muscles that wove through his back ached in his sudden change in posture. He rolled his shoulders subtly to ease the wave of pain that slowly traveled down his back. He refused to let the repercussions of his mistake be smeared out in the open for everyone to see, especially his boss even if he understood his circumstances. The concern for his well-being was old news. He was fully aware of what happened and how he felt. There was no need for the choir to preach it to him. His self-deprecation already thrived at all hours of the day and ate away at the last bit of virtue that he had left. But, this was no time to head down that dark and twisted path. Instead, he flickered on the part of his brain that illuminated brightly with confidence and strategic, critical thinking that had placed him comfortably in the world that defined him.

"You couldn't stay away, could you?" He alluded to his substantial presence before him.

"Would you?" Christian fired back.

Mr. Lincoln smirked and pushed his hands into the pockets his pants.

"No," he replied. "But, I've never had a reason to stay away."

William Lincoln was a man of business 24/7. Nothing stopped him from showing up, taking charge, or degrading the smaller businessmen of the world on a daily basis. Not even the birth of his child. He recalled Elena airing her father's dirty laundry one night over many glasses of wine in bed. She shared with him as her mother went into labor, her father conducted a business transaction just outside the room. It wasn't until an hour later after she had arrived into the world that he finally held her, and even then it was only for a minute as he had been summoned back to his duties. This insight into his life left a bitter taste in his mouth. He felt a twinge of sympathy toward Elena, but as the old saying goes, the apple does not fall far from the tree.

After the passing of her mother at a young age, Elena was engulfed into the world her father created and built. She was raised on deadlines, not taking no for an answer, and a great deal of wealth. Her definition of a normal childhood was spent in the skyscraper her father owned and her education was swayed on her exposure to the business world from the age of nine. It molded her into the cold, driven woman that she carried proudly on her sleeve.

Maybe that was what had drawn him to her despite her subtle game of seduction back in the day? She owned her role with the highest confidence of any woman he had ever met. She did not dismiss who she was, even despite the countless derogatory names she had been called. To come across a woman who accepted that awakened him. Women his age simply could not compare. He wanted someone who had experience and alike minded approach to business and life. He needed someone who he could intelligently strike a deal with, but also take to bed every night and let out his stress in the most erotic ways. Elena had been that woman, but somewhere along the path something changed. What he once thought he sought for in life in his career and in a partner suddenly had shifted. It shook him to his core. No longer did he feel steady on his path. Now, he questioned it and felt the need for a diversion, but how could he do that without losing everything he worked so hard for in the process?

Christian inhaled deeply at the thought. How could he identify himself anymore when he was lost within?

"Elena told me that you've been working from home. You know you are technically on a leave of absence, right?" Mr. Lincoln reminded him of his option. Most people would gladly accept time off. Not him.

"With all do respect, sir, I never wanted the leave of absence in the first place. It was you and the board who wanted that, not me. I'm alive and I'm perfectly capable of attending to business, so here I am." He responded in a clipped tone.

With the slight nod of his head, Lincoln walked over to the window that overlooked the north side of the city. It was an endless see of buildings, people, and traffic. He watched as his boss's shoulders fell and rose before he spoke again. "I admire your tenacity, Christian. Don't think for one second I don't take note to how dedicated you are to this company. It assures me that once I retire that my business will be left in good, hard working hands." He paused. Shit, he didn't like his brief moment silence. "But, with all do respect, this is still technically my company and I still have a full say in all things, including you."

Where the hell was thing going? This was not the same man he had interacted with at the gala. He had been kind, charismatic, and now to think about it totally out of character from the man he knew. His ability to turn it on when it came to business was typical. However, he did not have a unselfish bone in his body. He felt like an idiot now that he hadn't recognized how unusual he had been. He should have known that a lecture would come from the boss.

"Your leave of absence was not a choice. It was a request." Lincoln glanced over his shoulder. "One that I hoped you would take seriously despite after what had happened. I know you don't want to stay away, trust me, I get it. You're more like me than you may care to admit, but I can't hand over my baby to someone who goes off on a binge and nearly wrecks himself."

His baby. Had he been referring to his company or Elena? Or both?

"It was an honest mistake, sir. One that I don't plan on making again." Christian stated firmly.

"I don't think you will, Christian." His facial features soften, but instantly hardened upon his next statement. "You're right. It was a mistake, but it doesn't change the fact that I had to clean up your mess. What you did not only could have ruined your image, but _my_ company's image, too."

There was no subtly in his voice that his company trumped him, and he was right. He had worked relentlessly with the public relations department to ensure that a few minor details, that weren't minor be any means, were not made known publicly. The press would have had a field day if it had been released that he had been under the influence at the time of his crash. A upcoming young business mogul who was about to be handed full control of one of the best companies not only in the city, but the nation, could not have that kind of negative press attached to his name. Nor could a prestigious company uphold the acts of someone who was so careless and reckless as he had been that night.

William Lincoln was all about the elimination of even the slightest chance that his company could lose its reputation. It was not uncommon for unethical departures of employees at the compensation of an in-house settlement. Checks and written agreements weren't consistently distributed and signed, but when the situation arose it was handled to this extent. The same went for several parties involved in the direct interaction of his incident to make sure the essential piece of information never saw the light of day. Lincoln was honestly worse than any politician or government figure in the city or state for that matter.

So, why did he tolerate that kind of behavior? Why did he put his time and effort into a company that was corrupt? Because despite the unethical actions, it was a lucrative business with a household name. People either wanted to work for or with Lincoln Corporations. It was smart business, but that didn't mean he agreed with how things were handled internally, even if it was currently worked in his favor.

The direction of the company once it would be legally possessed in his name would have be altered for the better. Things were going to change for Lincoln Corporations, and there was nothing William could do about it once all things were set into place, so for now, he had to play by his rules.

"I know," Christian hung his head low. "I know I could have partially jeopardized the company and myself. As I said, I intend to not make that mistake or any by that matter again."

"Good," he smirked. As soon as his pleased expression appeared, it was gone.

The sole of his shiny designer loafers padded across the tile floor as he took a seat in the chair across from him. He had hoped that Mr. Lincoln would have made his statement known and left him be, but clearly he had something else on his mind. "How is the wedding planning going?"

"That's a question for Elena." Christian leaned forward. He stifled his urge to groan at the ache that coursed through his back again. "She seems to have it all under control. I figure why get in the way when she knows what she's doing. At this rate, all I have to do is show up."

A boisterous laugh bellowed from Mr. Lincoln's stomach. Funny how a change in topic could completely change his mood.

"When Lydia and I got married, I let her do all of the planning. She just told me when and where." Another chuckle escaped him. "That's Elena niche, just like her mother. She's good at things like that. Probably for the best to just let her take the reigns."

It still baffled him how a man of such intimidation softened to the idea of his daughter sleeping with one of his employees. He should have been fired. He should have been kicked to the curb letting the door hit him on the way out because that's what most bosses and fathers would do. Not William, though. He carried the title as a father, but in no way represented or acted like one. Instead, he saw it as a business opportunity. As a way to ensure his company would sustain profits and legitimacy while keeping his daughter happy. Lincoln Corporations would remain in the family name, just under new management. There was always an ends to a mean when it came to him.

The door to his office busted open in a haste. As if she had sixth sense of knowing that her name had been spoken in conversation, Elena walked in unannounced putting one heel in front of the other. So much for knocking. What if he had been in a meeting?

"There you are," she sighed and removed her sunglasses. "Taylor told me you had come to the office. I thought he was joking, but here you are. Hello, father."

Just when he thought he had escaped her madness, she had followed him to the one place where he thought he could be safe for a few hours. Damn Taylor for his brutal honesty. Next time he would have to advise him to lie or stall her. He hadn't been this agitated with her in awhile. He chalked it up to the stress of his accident, the wedding, and his fascination with a certain brunette.

"Hello, dear. I better get back to work." Lincoln said and rose from his chair. "I'll let you two be."

"No, stay. I have some news." Elena gestured for him to sit again. "I was going to tell the both of you, but this works out perfectly since you're together."

Christian scanned her as she walked into the center of his office. The scent of her strong floral perfume could be smelled from a mile away. She wore a long cream colored trench coat with a tight little number that fell just above her knees underneath. No matter how much she infuriated him from time to time, she did know how to dress impeccably well. The attraction was still there, yet he knew that it had been drifted elsewhere as of lately.

Hanging from her wrist, he noticed she carried her favorite designer travel sized bag. Immediately, he knew why she had come so urgently. She was going somewhere.

"I just got the most amazing call," Elena informed them. "Do you remember that famous French designer, the one that made all the headlines last fall in the runway show that I attended in Prague?"

Honestly, he didn't remember. He knew she had attended a show, but if she had made any mention of this so-called designer, he hadn't been listening. In light of not ruining her moment, he nodded his head and pretended that he knew of what she spoke of.

"Well, he's coming to New York City tonight. He'll be there all weekend and a friend of mine told me that he would be willing to meet and possibly design my dress." She puckered her lips. "Isn't that great?"

"But I thought you already had a dress picked out?" Christian asked. He looked to her father who was equally unamused by her excitement. Women and designer fashion.

"I do, but I'm not about to pass up an opportunity like this one." She placed her hands on her hips.

Her father cleared his throat. "Won't this push back the wedding?" He asked. "You can't possibly have another dress designed, made, and fitted in time."

"I have no doubt that I can have him design, make, and fit me into my dress my the time I say, I do. It's me we are talking about here." Elena puckered her lips. "If I learned anything from my old man, it's how to drive a high bargain. Once I mention that I've already worked out a few spots with different media groups, he'll get the ball rolling. I'm about to make him a well known name in the states."

"That's my girl," Lincoln winked at her.

"When are you leaving?" Christian leaned back in his chair.

"In an hour. The plane is being prepped for my departure, and don't worry I checked with your schedule father to make sure that you weren't in need of it." She assured him. "But I have to get going if I want to make it there before he gets into JFK. I'm meeting with my friend so we can get a few sketches ready."

"When will you be back?"

"Late Sunday," Elena answered him and walked over to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "I wish you could come with me, but I know you can't. Plus, can't spoil the surprise for the big day now, can I? I'll call you when I land."

"Okay. Travel safe." He tilted his head up as she placed a light and quick kiss on his lips.

"I'll walk you out," Lincoln rose his seat as Elena replaced her sunglasses on the bridge of her nose and removed a scarf from her bag. She carefully draped it around her neck and gave him a final wave before she disappeared out of sight.

Upon being left alone, the silence and his nagging thoughts consumed him once more. His hopes of being productive seemed unattainable. He wanted to dive into the countless emails left unread and go over the stacks of paperwork that had been piled neatly in the corner of his desk. But, as his fingers hovered above the keyboard and his eyes glanced over at all of the untouched files, he felt unmotivated and irritated. How in the world was he going to run a company if he was unable to prove his worth?

 _This is pointless,_ Christian thought to himself. He checked the time on his phone. Not a single notification cluttered his lock screen and he groaned in frustration. Obviously, his mind was off tucked away on a temporary vacation that he was not ready to come back from just yet. So, what could he do to preoccupy his mind if work wasn't going to do the trick? His body twitched with the need for stimulation. He could not recall a time before this when he didn't know what to do. His schedule had always been booked. There was always something on the agenda, but not today.

The sinful part of him knew how he liked to spend his free time, especially now that he was fiancee-less for the weekend. He gulped at the mirage that played out in his head. He fantasized the memory of his wet dream that was stuck in replay every other night. On the other nights, he still dreamt of her, but in much more innocent terms. None of the scenes that came to life whilst asleep made sense, though. It was like it was an out of sequence movie that he could not decipher yet. But every time it played its scattered show, she was there.

 _Come on, Ana,_ he begged internally for her to make her move. Her will power to stay away was impressive. He had no self-control when it came to her. He wanted her. He needed her after the stunt she pulled. The throbbing between his legs wasn't getting any better, and it was all her fault. Lost in thought of how she tormented him, he caught himself pressing his palm to his crotch.

"Shit," he swore.

Elena probably wasn't even out of the building yet, and here he was about to jerk off to the visual image of another woman. How fucked up was that?

Somewhere in the logical part of his brain, he knew what needed to be done. He knew no matter how long he put on his charade his feelings toward her had begun to fade. Ana wasn't even to blame for that. The lack of an emotional connection had started its disconnection before he had walked out his apartment and set on quest to drink himself stupid. The stress of his relationship, of his career, of his future all sat on his back like a thousand pound weight. Each day it weighed a little more, and each day he wondered what the hell he was doing with his life.

As he fought himself to not slip into the darkness that held his soul and all the questions that continued to build up, he picked up his phone and contacted Taylor. "Taylor, how far are you from the office?"

…..

Thirty minutes later, he stepped out onto the sidewalk where the sun beat down on the back of his neck. It had warmed up compared to the breezy, chilly morning he had endured on his way the office. There was no need for his suit jacket anymore.

As he shrugged it off and Taylor rounded the car to open his door, his attention was redirected to the gut wrenching sound of screeching tires and the loud impact of two colliding cars. People who walked the sidewalks gathered at the at the intersection to see the commotion that no one could avoid. He did not need a closer look to know that someone had blown the red light and hit another car. He just hoped it wasn't too serious.

The indescribable feeling that washed over him had tensed every muscle in his body. All he could think about was how similar the sound of his car and Ana's must have sounded when he had hit her. He had no memory of the actual crash, but it didn't take much for his imagination to paint the pictures inside his head. His hands shook at the thought. "Taylor, call 911." He ordered him.

"Already on it." Taylor withdrew his phone and placed it to his ear.

If anyone was hurt, immediate medical attention needed to arrive. He had no idea if any of the onlookers had done so, but it was better to act than do nothing at all.

Instead of his day spent out on the lake like he planned in his thirty minute wait for Taylor to arrive, he debated the idea of calling Flynn. Never in his life had he experienced the notion of PTSD. There was nothing traumatic enough to render an episode, until about a month ago. He hadn't even seen the accident happen, but the noise alone had done a number on him. He felt physically shaken by it. The urge to hurl his breakfast onto the sidewalk tossed and turned in his stomach. No one even noticed or cared that he was emotionally breaking down in public, except for Taylor, who approached him with a steady hand.

"The ambulance is on its way." He informed him. "Sir? Are you alright?"

"I'm, I'm," he uttered repeatedly unable to speak. His mouth had gone dry and his ability to form a sentence had escaped him. He was in shock.

"I think you should sit down," Taylor advised. "You look whiter than a ghost, sir."

His strong and directive hands guided him toward the open door of the car as his eyes scanned the crowd. Unsure of what he was looking for, he frantically searched the nearby sidewalk. His pulse raced. His palms went clammy, and amongst the sea of people that he saw her. How in the world he knew she was close was beyond him? Some people call that intuition. He called it fucking luck.

Next to his office building, she pressed her body against the exterior and covered her mouth with her hand. Her eyes were shut tight. Her legs looked like they were about to give out from underneath her. She appeared to be in pain, but not the kind that one would assume. It was a type of pain that only he could understand. A pain that had just engulfed him in a matter of minutes.

"Taylor, start the car. I'll be right back." He stated firmly. The questioning of his sanity could be heard as he left Taylor to his assigned task and made his way quickly toward her. A million thoughts crossed his mind as to what he would say or do, but the only action he followed through with a tight embrace.

With his arms, he circled her shaking body. For any normal person, they would have pushed him away. They would have screamed something obscene at him for being so bold, but she didn't even flinch. She remained tucked in his arms holding on to the jacket he had left at her place.

* * *

 **Author's Note: First off, thank you for all of your lovely comments and support. I noticed a few of you followed my blog, .com and my Wattpad account. Thank you! All of the links are in my bio if you want to follow me. Why I am really writing this note is because I'm going to by flying out of town this week and will be gone until the end of the month. I don't know if I will have time to write or update, so I wanted to make sure you guys knew what was going on and weren't left wondering when I will update next. There is a possibility that I could update sooner rather than later, but not promises. Just be patient and I'll back in two to three weeks. Thanks! Xoxo**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - Ana

For such a warm day, her body chilled to the bone and froze upon an instance's notice. Her drastic change in demeanor washed away any normalcy that rendered close and faded into the background. The emotions that engulfed her like a tidal wave drowned her without warning. What had happened to the confident and determined girl that carried her head high? Where was the courage she had built up over the past five days to finally make her move in the never-ending game that Christian and she played that would ultimately put an end to their inappropriate charade?

It all happened so fast. One moment she had been looking down at her phone to refer to her directions that led her to Lincoln Corporations and the next she was pressed up against the exterior of her destination like a frightened child. The moment the impact of the cringe-worthy crash had met her ears some internal switch had flipped. With no control of the matter, she succumbed to the state in which she could not make sense of why she had reacted the way she had. All she knew was she wanted to escape. She wanted to distance herself from the accident that had indirectly affected her because the emotions it brought on were too much.

Tears threatened to show on the surface. Her body quaked as if the sidewalk underneath her feet moved violently. She didn't want to feel like this, but she didn't know how to stop it either. The present day seemed to vanish while her past surrounded her and wrapped her in a tight blanket. While the memories of that fateful day did not store properly in her brain, the mental images carried out like a film set on fast forward. She had been thankful to not have remembered the initial impact of her accident. To be conscious through something as graphic as that could severely disturb a person. However, as the collision of the vehicles had forcefully hit one another within close range of her radius, she could not help but revert to her imagination of what could have been. She pictured her head hitting the interior of her car hard as her body flailed wildly. She imagined the instance bruises that had most likely formed and the blood that dripped in a steady stream from places that it shouldn't. Ana wanted nothing more than to hit pause on the remote that controlled her mind. She was alive. She was walking, despite her aches and pains. She was grateful to have survived, and yet, here she was reliving a moment that she never thought she would have to face.

Make it stop, her internal thoughts screamed under all the turmoil that climbed its way up to the surface. What she endured in this moment felt like a bad episode that needed to end. She hated every bit of it. But more than anything, she trembled at the idea of how easily she broke down just from a sound that completely stripped her from her sanity.

Ana pressed her back harder into the building and closed her eyes. She brought an unsteady hand to her mouth. Tiny whimpers slipped passed her lips, but no one seemed to direct their concern toward the shattered girl in the corner. Not that she could see anyways with her eyes shut, and not that they should when matters were much worse only a few feet away. Or she assumed. She had no idea how bad that accident had been. Nor could she find the strength to look in fear that it would only make her feel worse than she already felt.

As she continued to surrender to her defiant emotions, something happened. The suffocation that shriveled her lungs and blocked her airway seemed to reopen. The tension of her body began to ease. The tight blanket that suppressed her memories dissolved to let a new hold embrace her. One that was welcomed and soothed her soul.

The common reaction to a complete stranger hugging you would be to push them away, but that response never rendered. The scent of his warm cologne gave him away. Instantly, she knew who this so-called stranger was that pinpointed her out in the crowd and courageously captured her. But the question of who he was no longer bothered her more so than how?

Her mind ran wild with possibilities, recognition, and wonder. The questions she mentally conjured towered over the skyscrapers of the city. Higher and higher her confusion built on the foundation of her never-ending internal struggle. She wanted to say something. She wanted to do something, but she had temporarily lost her ability to function. However, before she could will her way out of the mess that had frozen her, she felt her world shift again. This time, it was in a way that didn't drop her heart into her stomach, though. This time, it was a natural shift that put one foot in front of the other toward a sleek, black car.

With her head hung low, she moved her way into the vehicle without protest. "Taylor," Christian stated an underlying request to the man in the driver seat. The motion of the car that fought the onslaught of traffic rocked her body and she felt the leather underneath her legs move as her personal bubble was invaded.

"Ana," his sultry voice met her ears barely. While her physical state was very much in the present, her mind was somewhere else. Every spoken word sounded muffled as if she were underwater. She desperately wanted to snap out of this daze that consumed her.

The touch of his fingers brushed against her skin as he moved the hair away from her face. Slowly, she raised her gaze to meet his. "Breathe, Ana." His demand escaped his perfectly sculpted lips. The way his mouth moved captivated her. Somehow the simple phrase guided her focus back to the present. The longer she stared at him as close as she was, the more aware she became of the feelings that quickly stirred in the pit of her stomach. It began to remind her of a time when those lips were upon hers. The way their mouths moved in sync perfectly. The way their suppressed attraction drove their hunger for a brief moment of passion in the kitchen of her home. She couldn't let those thoughts filtrate through her mind, not know. Not when she was beyond confused by the chain of events that had just occurred.

His hand fell to the material that was still draped over her arms.

"So, you decided to return my jacket?" He nodded. A small wrinkle formed on his head as he pondered a thought. "But how did you know I would be at work?"

The genuine shock was written across his face along with a subtle hint of hope. Instantly, she felt her throat go dry. While she did not mind his question as it distracted her from what had just happened out on the sidewalk, but it arose a new situation that she had not prepared herself to face. Her abrupt appearance outside his place of work surely had left him wondering what it all meant.

She opened her mouth to explain herself as she dropped her gaze away from his face and focused on her intertwined fingers. However, he beat her to the punch with another inquiring thought.

"How did you know where I worked?"

"You left me your card." She spoke a bit softer than she would have liked.

Taking a moment to regain herself, she swallowed hard and sat up a bit straighter. She could do this.

"It wasn't hard to figure it out. There is a thing called the internet and a GPS," Ana replied more firmly this time. "And I went to your work because I didn't think you would be there."

A moment of silence passed before it registered what her intentions had been. The message he had left her five days ago had been tattooed onto her brain. _Thanks for the confirmation._ _When you're ready, I'll be waiting._ For those five days, she debated on what to do and how she felt. Each time she was left in a pool of confusion unable to sink or swim. To be honest, she didn't know how she felt when it came to Christian. It had become a battle between her rational self and irrational self. One part of her wanted to separate all ties with the man while the other raged with female hormones that sparked at his existence. It literally overwhelmed her day and night. When she was awake, he danced on the edge of her thoughts and at night he crept into her dreams like a ghost from her past.

"Oh, I see." He uttered.

As she watched defeat wash over him, she felt the guilt settle within her. Over and over again, she told herself not to feel this way. Out of all the horrible things he had done, he did not deserve her guilt. Yet, she could not help it and instantly she wanted to mend the broken-looking man that sat next to her.

Handing over his jacket, he took it and placed it on the seat between them. The way he sighed and sagged his shoulders caught her attention. It wasn't just the disappointment she noticed in his expression, but how fragile he appeared to be, too. That's when her whole perception of him changed.

For the first time, he wasn't just the man who almost ruined her life, but a man who held a great deal of burden, remorse, and sadness. She knew what he had done was not malicious, however, as she carefully observed him in that moment she saw how tragically flawed he was. That all the confusion, anger, and fright that she conveyed was mutual. She had not been alone out on that sidewalk completely shaken and thrown into a violent episode of PTSD. He had been right there with her. He had felt everything she felt. And somehow, in the strange universe that continued to bring them together despite her urge to push him away, he had found her. For the first time, she began to truly believe that there was no coincidence when it came to her and Christian, but something much bigger than that. Something that they had yet to understand and the only way to do so was to do it together.

Ana bowed her head and exhaled deeply at her sudden epiphany.

"Are you okay?" Christian asked.

"Honestly, I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders. Her gaze shifted toward the window. Outside the skyscrapers only occupied one side of the street while the lake occupied the other. "Where are we going?"

"I was on my way to the docks before," his explanation drifted into a brief moment of silence. "I'm sorry. I just had to get you, us, out of there. It was all too much." He dragged his hand down the length of his face. "Taylor, can you turn around? I'm sure Ana would much rather go home."

Home? With the way she had acted toward him in the past that would have been the likely the assumption, but now she wasn't so sure. As her head spun with every reason to put the needed distance between them that she had determined earlier in the day, her lips parted to say, "Actually, I wouldn't mind going to the lake."

The way he snapped his neck to look in her direction, she swore he would suffer from whiplash. The wheels in his head turned with astonishment at her statement. Even she had been surprised at how natural and sincere it sounded, and honestly, it was what she wanted. Home seemed lonely at the moment, and right now, she didn't want to be alone. But did she want to share her company with him? It made her nervous to be left alone with him not because she didn't trust him, but she didn't trust herself.

The tip of his tongue darted out of his mouth and licked his lower lip as he squinted his eyes and silently observed her. She wasn't sure what made her squirm worse: his stare or the fact that she was about to toss everything out the window from what she originally had agreed upon. When she wasn't with him, it was easier to think straight and come to a sensible conclusion, but near him, she was quickly melting ice cube on a hot summers day.

"Sir?" The man named Taylor from the front seat looked in the rearview mirror for guidance.

Instantly, his facial features softened and he cooly replied, "Nevermind. To the docks."

...

Fifteen minutes later, she stood on the wooden dock with her arms crossed over her body as she gawked at a massive white with a black trim yacht that swayed every so lightly. She assumed their destination entailed a quiet, peaceful and hopefully less than awkward gathering on a bench or a stroll as they looked out over the lake. Instead, what Christian had in mind involved taking it to the next level.

"We are going on that?" Ana asked in disbelief and pointed toward the costly piece of water equipment.

"What did you think I meant when I mentioned the docks?" He stood next to her with hands in his pockets as he looked at the oversized boat with admiration. "Come on."

With his hand extended, she was hesitant to step forward onto the spotless deck of the yacht. It looked like it had been well-cared for and could not afford even the tiniest scratch or dirt mark, but that was not the only reason that kept her from following through. The idea of secluding herself with the man she had mixed emotions about with no easy escape route made her wary. What if five minutes after they left the dock she didn't want to spend her afternoon with him? What if things got too weird and she would have to spend the remainder of the arrival time in awkward silence?

 _You're overthinking this. Just go!_ her internal thoughts smacked her firmly on the ass and she grasped Christian's hand as he helped her onto the boat.

"Let me guess, this is yours," Ana scanned the exterior with awe.

"Not exactly," he replied and let go of her hand. Something sunk in her stomach at their disconnect. "I'm in the process of purchasing it. Right now, it's just a loan."

"An expensive loan," she mumbled.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him shake his head and proceed to the enclosed part of the yacht. She didn't mean her comment to offend him, but stepping onto a boat that looked like it belonged in a flashy music video and probably cost more than her college tuition was not something she was used to. His whole lifestyle was a polar opposite from hers. She was the suburbs while he was the city. The two intermixed but were vastly different at the same time. Suddenly, she felt small and misplaced with him.

Peeking her head through the threshold of the what seemed to be the control center that powered the boat, she saw Christian converse with a man dressed in khakis and blue button-down shirt. They shook hands and he walked back toward with a slight limp in his stride. "We're about to take off." He announced. "You're sure you want to join me out on the lake. You don't have to if you don't want to. I understand..."

"Just get this thing moving before I change my mind," she responded quickly and crossed her arms in front of her.

Inhaling deeply and closing her eyes, she moved back out onto the deck as the yacht smoothly departed from the dock and picked up speed. The smell of the lake and the fresh air filled her lungs. The slight sense of her body drifting into the depths of the water soothed her body and soul. The gradual pulse of her heart drummed in her ears, but with a rhythm that relaxed her unlike before. This was exactly what she needed. The calmness. The natural sounds. She needed this momentary break from the world that hustled and consumed her day. She needed to erase all the troubles and pain from her mind even if it was only temporary. But, there was one factor that remained that same: Christian.

As if on cue, he stepped to the side of her and she opened her eyes. Her slight observation told her that he too felt the urge to release himself from the life that had clearly become too much.

For the both of them, life hadn't been the easiest lately. While each to their own they dealt with a turmoil that only he or she could accommodate, the emotions and the recovery were closely the same. One ran high while the other ran thin. Only time could heal the broken and she knew that but sometimes she wished time would hurry the fuck up.

The silence between them continued to build as the city skyline shrunk. Each passing minute, the tension rose. Neither knew what to say or do. An unspoken understanding had been exchanged that while what had happened outside his work had both affected them traumatically, it was not up for discussion at the moment. So what a topic they could converse on? Without a second thought, she knew of one. One that would likely irritate him and be pushed to the side, but she had to at least try.

"Can I ask you something?" She looked out over the water. The rush of the lake breeze caused her hair to go wild.

"Yes," he answered and continued to keep a steady stare on the world in front of him.

"Please, don't take this wrong way or do, but why?"

"Why what?" Christian asked.

"You know what," Ana crossed her arms in defense. "Why did you do it? Why did you drink that night?"

An aggravated grunt came from his throat and he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Why do you want to know?" He peered his eyes at her. "So you can move on? Is that it?"

"Maybe," she replied quietly. "But I feel like I have a right to know."

It was like pulling teeth when it came to this topic. She had addressed her curiosity about what had caused him to drink and drive that night before, but she had never been given a full answer or any answer if at that.

"Trust me, Ana. You don't want to know how fucked up I am." Christian warned her and returned his gaze back out toward the lake water.

"I'm not asking to pity your fucked up life, Christian. I'm asking because I'm trying to figure you out. I'm trying to make sense of what happened, and maybe you are right," her voice got louder and angrier by the second as she spoke. "Maybe I am asking in hopes of moving on, but maybe you can too."

"Move on? I'm far from that." He huffed.

Ana gritted her teeth. There was no way she would let him avoid this question again. She had him cornered, metaphorically speaking. Out here on the water with nowhere to go, she could get him to confess even if it meant she had to hassle him or threaten to push him overboard. That seemed a bit childish, but she was fueled with determination to know.

"You know what, you're an ass. You're a stubborn ass who is clearly miserable and don't even deny it." Ana shouted. "You know how I know you're miserable because what person in their right mind goes out on an impromptu drinking binge and then thinks it's okay to get behind the wheel. You do!" He didn't say anything. He didn't even look at her.

She had not envisioned herself confronting him like this nor did she think she would end up on a yacht with him today. It scared her to know where else it could lead, but she pursued on in her quest.

"What are you so afraid of me knowing that you rather not tell me?" She continued to pry.

"I'm not afraid." Christian snapped. A seagull up above flew over them and landed on the water with such grace that it distracted her from almost hearing his next response. "I'm ashamed."

Ashamed? What could he possibly be ashamed of telling her? She leaned up on the railing and faced him as she awaited for him to further explain. Christian glanced over at her with annoyance, but instead of fighting back, he sighed. "I'm miserable and the only person to blame for that is me." His mouth formed into a firm line. His lips pressed tightly together.

"I shouldn't be, though. I'm about to be handed full ownership of a very lucrative business. I'm about to become a married man. I'm thriving in everything that I ever envisioned myself doing. I'm about to be one of the most powerful and envied men in the nation." He smiled as he listed off his upcoming accomplishments.

"So, what's the problem then?" Ana asked.

"I don't know if that's what I want anymore." The tone of his voice changed dramatically. It sounded almost sad.

"You know you have the power to change that, right? The only person in control of your life is you." She said wholeheartedly. "Nothing is set in stone. If you're not happy, change it."

"You make it sound so easy." Christian shook his head.

Ana brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "Because it is."

"Not when you work in the business world. I've busted my ass to get where I am, and I know what I'm doing may seem less than respectable, but as unhappy as I am, I still want that power." He placed his hands on the railing of the yacht. "You couldn't possibly understand."

"You're right. I don't." Ana stated. "But, if it's worth anything, you don't need that company to define who you are. If you're as good at your job as you make it seem, why not work for someone else or for yourself?"

His head moved slightly in her direction. His jaw stuck out as he continued to focus on the steady current below.

"Just because your boss and the company you work for is the best right now doesn't mean you can't come along with something better." Her motivational speech continued to rage on. She had no idea why she had decided to give him a pep talk, but she truly believed everything she was saying. "I know I don't know you that well, but you seem really smart and savvy when it comes to what you do. Why not take the risk? Sure, you'll lose everything, but you'll gain so much, too."

Christian shook his head in disagreement or at least what seemed like disagreement. He was a stubborn one, and that was something she could confirm about him. Since the beginning, she had picked up on that trait that he wore boldly.

She waited for him to retaliate with his reasons for why he could not possibly do what she suggested, however, he kept quiet. Maybe he was contemplating her inspiring words. Why he would, though, seemed a bit odd. Her knowledge of him and the world he lived and worked in was beyond her. To listen to an ill-advised girl with probably a slight concussion of sorts still was probably not something he should seek out.

Just as she was about to apologize for her sporadic advice, he turned toward her and let out an exasperated sigh.

"I'm tired of talking." His tone sounded desperate. He reached out and touched her cheek as he confessed,"All I want to do is kiss the shit out of you."

 _Wait, what?_ When would the surprises end? It shouldn't have shocked her, though. He deserved a standing ovation for as long as he had gone without making a move on her. Ana turned her head to the side. Her teeth grazed the inside of her cheek.

"You can't kiss me, Christian." She declared.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't."

"Because of Elena. You're engaged, remember?" Ana looked him dead in the eye. "I know what happened in my kitchen. I take full responsibility for that, but that doesn't make it right."

"But it feels right and you know that," he grabbed her hand. His thumb rubbed the back of her hand.

"I don't know what I feel, Christian. Especially when it comes to you." She sighed and dropped her gaze. "That's why I came to your office to drop off your jacket because I wanted to avoid you. I want nothing to do with you, but somehow the universe keeps pushing us together and maybe I should start listening to the universe."

When she looked up, his eyes scanned her face as if there were invisible ink written all over it.

"But, I can't. Not when there is someone else involved." Ana confessed. "I can't put you or myself in that position, and as much as I hate saying this, but I can't do that to your fiancee either."

Christian licked his lower lip before he let her go and began to pace the length of the yacht. What she had just uttered clearly was not what he wanted to hear, but she had a point and she was right. There was a simple solution to all of this, yet she wasn't sure if she wanted him to make such a bold move. She wasn't even sure she wanted anything from him. What they had was based more on passion than anything else and passion was very different from a relationship. But, could she really say there wasn't something else that lingered underneath the surface when it came to them? Oh, this was all so confusing.

The question of their in-explainable connection decided just at that moment to poke its head around the corner and remind her that there was most definitely something else going on beside the lust.

"I don't care." Christian stopped his pacing and placed his hands on his hips.

"You should care!" Ana said appalled. "How would you feel if you knew she cheated on you?"

"She already has," he replied. Slowly, he turned on his heel and leaned on the side of the boat. "And she knows I know. We've never talked about it. What is there to say."

Now she really hated the woman. How could he stand there knowing his wife to be had cheated on him and be okay with it? Well, he didn't seem okay with it, but he hadn't revoked the ring off her finger either.

"You don't deserve her. You don't deserve to feel pressured into a relationship merely based on a business arrangement."

"It wasn't like that in the beginning," he defended Elena. Just another one of the day's surprises. "What we had and still sometimes have is great and when I was propositioned by her father it made sense to ask her to marry me."

"But now?"

"Now, it seems more like a means to an end," Christian replied. "She's a good person. She may not show it most of the time, but there is some good in her despite what you may think of her. I can say that because I've seen it. I blame her father, my boss for corrupting her into the manipulative, materialistic person she's become."

"If you say so," Ana quietly spoke. "I guess I really don't understand how you can do something and be with someone that doesn't make you happy. But then again, I don't really know you at all."

"Then let's get to know each other. Where's the sin in that?" Christian inquired. "Ana, I know I'm fucked up and what I did to you is even more fucked up, but I care about you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. And while I know I need to sort out my life and my priorities, I would really love to just not give a shit about any of that right now."

"Okay?" Ana was hesitant to where he was going with his rant.

"Ana," he breathed. "Don't think about this. Just go with your heart. What is it telling you?"

What was her heart telling her? Shit. If she had listened to her heart and her hormones from the start of when the attraction ignited, she would have sinned awhile ago with him. She had refrained from doing so, though. For the most part, she was a rational person. To be irrational and irresponsible was out of character for her, but that didn't mean the idea of it didn't entice her.

Chewing on her bottom lip, she pondered the idea of what he suggested. To let go of everything that weighed them down. To free their minds of all the shit that bombarded them on a daily basis. To let reason fly out the window. Wasn't that why they were out here? To escape the real world for a bit and deny any responsibility because life on the concrete world simultaneously sucked them dry?

It was risky. It was not in her nature to be the girl who didn't think before she acted. Although, sometimes she wished to be that girl. To jump at the opportunity when it presented itself. To not care about the repercussions of her actions. To follow her heart despite all the red flags that waved in her face. It was now or never.

"I'm so going to regret this," Ana muttered and let out a breath of anxiety.

Stripping herself of sensibility, she took her first leap of faith. She lunged for the risk that she knew would not end well in both of their cases, and she kissed him long and hard. The immediate regret that lingered in the background tapped on her shoulder to bring her back to reality, but she refused to acknowledge its presence. What she wanted was her hands in his hair and his body pressed up tightly next to hers and that's exactly what she got.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thank you all for being so patient with me. I know it has been a long time since I have last updated, but there is a reason for that. The past two months have been extremely busy for me. From wedding showers to weddings to working, it has distracted me, to say the least. I hope to not make you wait as long in the future. That being said, I'm about to go on vacation (tomorrow!) so I won't be updating in the next week that is for sure, but hopefully soon after I get back. Thank you all once again for all of your love and support!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - Ana

She had kissed him. She had pounced on him like a wild predator who had finally stalked its prey long enough.

Who was she? Who was this girl that fulfilled her wildest dreams and broke free from the chains that held her constantly in place? It was like he beckoned her unknowingly to act out in ways that she could not fully comprehend.

Her past exploration with the male form had been limited, but that meant nothing to her inner temptress. This skewed version of herself did not care nor had any intentions of taking a moment to think. That was the problem when it came to Christian. When she wasn't wrapped up in her blanket of morally conscious self-righteousness, she didn't think. She reacted and lately that was dangerous waters to tread.

Frankly, she didn't know half the time whether she would sink or swim in the moment when she was with him, and that scared her. It terrified her to know that a man like him could sway her emotions in two very different directions. The red flag that waved high and violently told her that the further she involved herself with him, the more complicated it would get. She was fully aware of that, and yet that still couldn't halt her from letting go momentarily.

Damn him and damn her!

The careless behavior she portrayed as she felt his mouth on hers created an intense display of fireworks inside her head. She was happily aroused with being pressed up against him. She focused on the way he moved and tasted. It could not completely eliminate the noise of that damn red flag, though. It flapped against her skull where her conscious pounded loudly to be heard, but she ignored it to the best of her ability. This was no time to be reasonable even if that was totally messed up in her case. For just a moment, she wanted to not think about her accident or how it affected her life. She didn't want to harp on Christian who caused her so much pain. She didn't want to judge herself for the attraction she felt toward him when it was beyond wrong. And she definitely didn't want to acknowledge that bizarre connection they had that lingered in the background. All she wanted was to be a girl who desperately wanted to feel free and alive in the arms of a man who clearly wanted her. And so, she let herself be that girl.

Ana moved her small hands wildly from his thick hair to the top of his muscular arms. Her fingers curled perfectly around his biceps that she gently squeezed. She wondered how a well-sculpted man like himself could ever reciprocate what she felt in that moment for him back to her. Their match-up bewildered her. A girl like her just didn't belong with a guy like him. She was ordinary while he was extraordinary.

She caught wind of her doubt and quickly she squashed it. This was no time to revert back to her old, boring and sensible self. Not yet. As she felt Christian's needy hands glide down her back and rest on her hips, she moaned. It was a half pleasurable, half painful kind of moan. He had touched a tender spot that had been bruised from the accident. No apology came, but nothing needed to be said as he released the pressure from her hips and caressed the tiniest exposed skin on her back. Every hair on her body stood straight up.

"Let's move this somewhere more intimate," he suggested in a mumbled voice upon her lips.

Her body chilled from his tone of voice. Not only had the thrill of his suggestion excited her, it also had done something else. Something she couldn't decipher just yet. The barriers that had been built to stop all outside forces from raining on her parade had begun to wear, but she had to persevere through it if she wanted to separate herself from reality for the time being. It was easier said than done.

As she nodded her head in agreement, she slipped her bottom lip between her teeth. More intimate? Her heart raced at the thought of where her leap of faith in him was about to take them. The idea of privacy was welcome with opens arms as they were exposed to not only Mother Nature but the public too. But where exactly would they find privacy on this vessel that floated steadily now out on the lake?

Christian must had read her mind because before she could ponder her thought out loud, he grabbed her hand and led her into the smaller enclosed portion of the yacht. Inside it, space was sparse as a control board and steering wheel took up most of the room while a small table with a bench occupied the other side. The driver nodded politely as if he had been oblivious to their passionate embrace within feet of him.

"I think here is good. Would you mind anchoring for a bit?" Christian asked with an underlying tone that made it sound more like a request than a suggestion.

Without argument, the driver pushed a few buttons and gave them a polite smirk that gave nothing away. Nothing that meant, I know what you two are about to do.

"Maybe we shouldn't..." She spoke with hesitation in her voice. Surely, this was not what he meant by intimate, right?

Bending down, he messed with a latch on the floor that popped open what appeared to be a secret compartment that led to the lower deck. She watched as he climbed down the six ladder steps and held his hand up to guide her down.

 _Let's move this somewhere more intimate_ , his words echoed in her head. As she lightly placed her hand in his, she felt a wave of deja vu wash over her. The way he said it. The context of his words. Why had she felt like she had heard him say it before? Not here, but somewhere else. The synapses in her brain fired rapidly.

Below the main deck, the space was narrow and left not even an inch between them. Her throat grew dry at her sudden uneasiness. She wasn't sure if it had come from her questionable thoughts, the motion of the boat, or a mixture of both. Either way, something inside of her had shifted and she felt like she could barely breathe.

"Here," he nodded his head down the short hallway that led to a small room. The way he brushed against her, she knew what his intentions were when he meant by more intimate. She felt him against her hip and once again she found it even more difficult to find her equilibrium.

In the small room, it held a full size bed with sea foam green sheets. Built-in wooden shelves lined the walls that remained empty. On either side of the entrance to the room was a slim door. One was clearly marked as a bathroom while the other seemed more for maintenance or miscellaneous use. It was definitely intimate by square footage standards.

Stepping into the room, Christian tugged on her hand and crashed their bodies together. The moans of pain followed but quickly subsided as they became all hands, mouths, and tongues. Why did it feel so oddly familiar?

As their make out session resumed from where they had left off on the main deck, the uneasy deja vu reared its ugly head. Now, it wasn't just his words that sung a familiar tune but so did his actions.

Somewhere in the depths of her brain, she recalled a time when she and Christian had locked lips before. A time when the lust and carefree attitude dominated such a peculiar instance which she couldn't grasp. Not yet, at least.

As she continued to surrender her body to the desire it craved from him, her mind dived into the dark waters that held so many drowned memories. Ones she didn't even know she had. With each present kiss, it breathed life to the memory that tried to swim it's way to the surface.

That's when it happened. The storm the gradually moved inside her began to rage. It opened up the dark waters and let the memory free. Her transportation from the present to past catapulted her mind to project the memory for her to see. However, the forgotten memory she was about to witness would not only be seen but felt, too.

As it began, a bone-chilling shiver crawled down her spine. Her limbs quaked at the parallels it presented.

 _A sweet sensation of deep and indescribable passion swarmed her in the form of two arms wrapped around her tightly. The light breeze touched her skin that caused the hairs on her arms to stand up, but the brief chill from Mother Nature's descent did not last long as the heat from the male body warmed her like a nicely, thick blanket._

 _His lips moved delicately than possessively upon hers as if his mouth had a mind of his own. His hands had become unpredictable as they weaved their way around the frame of her body. Something inside her trembled at each pass of his fingertips teased the exposed skin on her back. She knew of only one man who could make her feel this way._

 _Christian?_

Everything was too dark to decipher. The only thing she could make of it was her senses. Those had been magnified to a whole other level. However, she wanted to confirm her suspicion. She wanted to unmask the mysterious lover that captivated her body and soul.

Ana struggled to focus and to find clarity in her memory. So often these type of images came to her in a dream at night, but this was new. This live-action recall of a moment that had been safely stored away until now startled her. It was as if her mind and body had been temporarily separated and she could not reconnect them. At least, not yet. She had a feeling the abrupt recollection had a purpose, and so she resumed.

 _Ana let the persuasion of his skilled mouth and hands lead her further down the path of erotic satisfaction. Although she became more anxious by the second as to the identity of her lover, she had a good idea who he was. Too many dots were beginning to connect. Too many of the puzzle pieces were beginning to map out the bigger picture._

 _"Let's move this somewhere more intimate," he mumbled his request upon her mouth._

 _As he withdrew his close proximity, the moonlight perfectly lit his face. For the first time in her ghostly thoughts, she saw him for he was. The man that remained a mystery despite her theory she wished to continue to deny had been validated. It had been Christian. It had been him all along._

These weren't just fabrications of her imagination, but memories that once were. How was this possible? How could he be in the past when she only knew him in the present?

Unable to fully wrap her mind around the confusion and shock of her memory, she found her body float from one scene to the next.

 _Her hand intertwined with his as he whipped her around a marvelous set that foreshadowed the inevitable. It was like her body was a puff of smoke. One moment she was outside, the next she was inside. One moment she stood in search of something with him and the next she was center stage with him as he undressed her. His lips devoured every inch of her naked and vulnerable body. His hands worked like magic. Just the sight of his muscular and flawless form could make her fall over the edge._

 _Why couldn't she always feel like this? How was is it possible that he could make her feel like this? Or the better question was, how had he made her feel this way once before when she had no memory of it until now._

 _Time moved at the speed of light as she traveled down memory lane rapidly through her odd, sexually gratifying experience. The quake between her legs as he moved with precision forced her head to fall back. She balanced on the edge and then suddenly was falling hard and fast. The excitement that had built escaped her like a beautiful spiral of wind, but it only lasted a moment as her world shifted again._

 _The adjustment from the dark set she had been in vanished and a million twinkling lights stared down at her. Flat on her back, she propped herself up on her elbows. No longer was she exposed to the night, but fully clothed and met with the brisk wind at a higher altitude._

These memories held her against her will. She felt trapped as the filed thoughts revealed themselves one by one. Deeper and deeper she went down the rabbit hole of her mind as it withdrew and presented another vivid image.

 _"Ana," his voice came from somewhere in the shadows._

 _Her head whipped from left to right as she grasped her setting. Up above, it was stars that stared down at her. Each star flickered to a beat of its own. As she caught her breath, she slowly stood up to only be frozen in her stance by the sight that surrounded her. The man-made creations that towered over and around her took her breath away._

 _A starry night in the city that rarely slept now encompassed her unsteady soul. High in the sky upon a roof top was where she was as she took in the sight of her scenery. It was beautiful. She had not known how magnificent this place could be from up here. She did not know that it could be this still, and yet, she did know because this was not the first time she had found herself in awe._

 _With her feet planted firmly on the concrete, she knew she had stood here once before in a realm that seemed miles away. A realm that was unreachable even, except in her thoughts and dreams._

 _"Ana," Christian spoke her name in repetition with much despair. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him. She could have sworn he appeared farther, but as she turned to face him he was close. His had reached to touch her face as his thumb rubbed her cheek._

 _"I've been completely selfish with you," he confessed. "From the moment I met you, I have been and I'm sorry for that. You deserve a second chance more than anyone. You deserve to live and to be greeted by people who love you. You deserve it all."_

 _The sincerity in his message and the somber expression he wore, it haunted her. His words appeared out of context, yet each sentence weaved its way through an intricate web of her brain. It fought the barriers that tried to stop it. It seeped thoroughly into her memory not just as words, but as feelings and emotions that had long been forgotten._

 _No phrase nor sound would omit her, though. She stood paralyzed in her memory as the spiraling recognition pierced her soul and brought forth the truth. The understanding that all this time what she visioned was indeed once a reality. A cruel and unusual reality that she did not want to accept. It was just too unreal to feel real._

 _Christian sighed a shaky breath and dropped his hand. His head bowed in sync with it._

 _"I just hate the thought of losing all of this and you," he shared._

 _She reached out to touch his arm to show her condolence, although it did no good. Christian shrugged his shoulders as his mouth moved, but no words could be heard. Ana unsuccessfully tried to read his lips. She motioned that she could not hear him. Somehow he understood and the sound of his voice magically resumed mid-sentence._

 _"...I need you to know something."_

 _Bringing his hand back up to her cheek, his tongue darted out his mouth and licked his bottom lip. Oh, those lips were so kissable. She wanted to touch and taste them. She wanted to silence him. Whatever he needed to say could wait. She wanted him to wait. An irrational fear consumed her as his unspoken words rang in her ears._

 _"I love you," he whispered._

 _He had told her that he loved her and it had not been the first time. Ana stared at him horrified from the truth. He could not possibly love her. Not then and not now. Did he love her now? Her separation between reality and a once reality could not be easily defined all of a sudden. Her two worlds had collided and she felt sick to her stomach. She needed to break free from one or the other, and so she slipped out of her memory's grasp as quickly as she could._

The bile in her stomach threatened at an alarming rate up to her throat. Before she could announce her illness and apologize for her rude gesture as she pushed Christian across the small bedroom, she dashed into the claustrophobic bathroom and threw up. Thankfully, he had not protested in her path.

Once she was sure her stomach had been fully emptied, she placed her hands on either side of the bathroom walls and lifted herself up on wobbly legs. When she turned around, Christian sat on the edge of the bed with his fingers intertwined together and his head hung low. He lifted his gaze with a distraught look.

Wiping her mouth clean, she spoke, "I'm sorry. I can't, we shouldn't," she fumbled with her words. The passion that had escalated from zero to sixty had come to a screeching halt.

The low groan that came from Christian's throat told her that he was upset. This was not the first time she had led him on to only disappoint him with her moral conscious and it wouldn't be her last. While her desires and hormones had tread on the surface for him, it was what was below the surface that had her conflicted more so than ever.

There was no denying the attraction that blossomed simultaneously whenever they were near. Every time she tried to halt in her tracks, to ignore his pursuit, she succumbed to him. But who would blame her? He had been single-handedly the most attractive man she had ever seen. Even then, she knew the physical attraction was not her only reason for giving into temptation. For awhile she had been unable to pinpoint the tiny fractures that had led her to her growing tolerance for him. Now, she was becoming increasingly aware of why that was. That mysterious something else that fluttered transparently in the background had begun to take shape. For so long, it had tried to show its true colors that sketched out the precious time she had lost from her accident. Finally, she was beginning to interpret what it had tried to tell her for so long, but even then it still didn't have her full acceptance.

"I fucking knew this would happen," Christian mumbled to himself. His hand covered his mouth, but not well enough. She could still hear his snide comment.

"I'm sorry," she apologized once more. "It's just..."

"Wrong? That you shouldn't be getting involved with a taken man nonetheless with the man who hit your car in a drunken stupor and put you into a coma." He rambled off all the exact reasons she had conjured. "Yeah, yeah. I know. I know exactly why you can't and why we shouldn't."

He pushed out his jaw and formed his mouth into an almost perfectly straight line. The regret that had swelled at a slow progression had reached maximum capacity within her internal walls. She hated herself in that moment. She hated him for encouraging the lust filled behavior that erupted like a volcano from deep within. The passion she craved had been washed to shore while her frustration crashed like sudden and violent waves.

"What is going on between us is complicated, but," she dropped her gaze and focused on nothing in particular. She tangled her fingers together in a debate of whether she should address her silent revelation.

"But what, Ana?" His sighed.

Her eyes flickered up to meet his gaze. The way she felt about him and the way she looked at him had been altered. His distant words clung to her mind and heart. None of it made entirely any sense. She chalked it up to a chemical imbalance. That had to be the obvious solution in all of this. Her strange infatuation with him had become insanely peculiar. She needed a psychic evaluation and stat.

The longer she looked at him, the more she was tempted to explore the sealed files of her mind. She couldn't. She already had seen, felt, and heard too much.

Turning around to avoid his stare, she wrapped her arms around her stomach and bowed her head. _Walk away, Ana. Before you do something stupid again_ , her judgmental thoughts snarled.

"It happened again, didn't it?"

Ana chewed on her bottom lip. The anger that once resided in his voice had been erased. She did not like his change in demeanor. She did not like where his open curiosity was going.

"What are you talking about?" She asked. The words slipped past her lips before she could bite her tongue.

"The dreams, the visions of us," he stated carefully. "I saw them, too."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** It's been too long since I've updated this story. I'm sorry it took me so long. From the last time I posted back in May, I was going on vacation and since then I got engaged and have been extremely busy with work and wedding planning. I do appreciate your patience and thank you for being so supportive. To few individual "guests" with your negative reviews, why are you still reading this story if you despise it so much? I'm not making you read it. Your comments are entertaining because while you are right to have you opinions it just baffles me to wonder why you read my story at all if it makes you so mad. End rant. Please make sure to follow me on Wattpad, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook! I post on those sites much more about my status in the writing process for this story. Thanks!


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 - Christian

 _Holy fuck,_ the explicit phrase cartwheeled through his discombobulated head. Unable to wrap his brain around the series of events that had just unfolded physically and mentally, he felt utterly exhausted. His world around him swayed not just due to his obvious elements, but from the realm he had just subconsciously slipped into unannounced. What the hell was that?

It was as if two different realms had walked parallel to one another in desperation to try and weave together one path. It was chaotic and unexpected. It thrilled and shocked him, but more than anything, it had left him perpetually in disbelief.

The three-word phrase that he had uttered in the distant memory could not possibly have been him. The logical side of his brain insisted that what he had just witnessed and felt in his moment of passion with Ana had been misconstrued. That the testosterone had filtered the vivid images and that the present feelings had simply mirrored his fabricated dream like ones. However, the cloud of doubt that hovered above his sensible theories lingered. It wasn't until their connection was lost and Ana began to slowly bring him back to the surface had he begun to realize that his doubt was not singular, but that it was very much plural.

He needed to know that he was not alone in this. He needed her confirmation no matter how reluctant she would be to give it.

"It happened again, didn't it?" His curiosity gathered all around him.

With her back to him, he observed her thin, womanly frame. She had already been tense, but the way her shoulders rose and stayed stiff told him that he had provoked her.

"What are you talking about?" Ana pretended to be clueless. She most definitely was not. Her unaffected portrayal was a farce.

"The dreams, the visions of us," he stated carefully. "I saw them, too."

She didn't say anything. She didn't even acknowledge his claim, but without a sound or a gesture he knew she had heard him loud and clear. While the natural sway of the water moved them below deck, he counted the number of times she inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. She wore her stress visible no matter how hard she tried to hide it.

The longer she kept her distance from him, the more he wanted to reach out and touch her. To hold her in his arms and tell her that she was not alone. That he was equally disturbed by all of it as much as she was, but he refrained from doing so. The fear of her rejection haunted him. Every time he pulled, she pushed. Maybe it was time for him to stop pulling. It had seemed to work before.

In his head, he wondered what rational explanation swam in Ana's head. She always had one or at least a way to redirect the focus elsewhere. The topic of them and their bizarre connection seemed to be mute. It was about damn time to turn the volume up on their much-needed conversation.

"I think I'm going insane," she remarked with a half nervous laugh. Her response had been more of an out loud confession than an observation.

Ana rotated on her heels to let him see her beautifully shaken expression. Her shoulders shrugged with her statement as she let her arms fall to her sides. Her eyes darted to a spot on the floor before she finally took four small steps in his direction and occupied the spot next to him on the bed. He watched as her hands smoothed out over the thighs of her legs and how she was quick to clasp them back into the center of her lap with unease.

She was nervous. She was afraid. To see her like this and to hear what she had said, he had never felt more connected with a statement or a person than he did with her in that moment.

"Then that would make two of us," Christian replied.

Just like the sea after a storm, he felt a wave of calmness wash over him. His hot-headed tendencies only simmered in the background. They had dealt with this before as he had tried to address their strangely linked progression of their sedated thoughts, but this time, he knew to approach it with caution. Although, he did not mind the result of their argument in her kitchen as it turned passionately into a make out battle. That was a pleasant outcome and a memory he remembered with ease. A memory that could without a doubt be classified, unlike the ones that filtrated through his mind like some distant film that he hadn't watched in ages.

What the hell was up with that?

His lips parted in the attempt to speak to fill the silent void between them, but his thoughts and looming guilt got the best of him. The consumption that ravaged his soul had progressed at an alarming rate. Unlike Ana, who probably had her life in order before the accident, his inner turmoil did not stem from just his unthinkable actions. That had sprouted long before their paths on crossed. Rightfully, he could sense his mood shift.

Thinking back on his conversation with Ana from earlier and her lack to understand how one could live such a dispassionate life and watch the meter of your happiness dwindle down to zero, he felt the ball of anger swell within him. His life wasn't just a matter of changing the channel because he didn't like what he was watching. Too much of him had been invested. Things weren't that simple. He had commitments to others. He had obligations to fulfill and when all was said and done, he would finally have what he had always wanted: success. No longer would he look to another man with envy. He would become the envied and he liked that. It thrilled him to know that he could have everything he ever wanted, but maybe what he wanted wasn't enough. When did it become not enough?

That's where his sanity took the bullet. His life wasn't all that bad and yet it felt bad enough to want to escape. Christian bowed his head at his internal debate. The more he beat himself up for being a failure at his own life, the more fickle his sanity became. The interference of Ana was just an untimely bonus to his already fucked up life.

"I don't get why this keeps happening?" Ana exhaled her outward thought with her fingers twisted together like entangled vines in her lap.

"It's happening for a reason," he replied. "It has to be, right?"

"Maybe. I don't know." There was a brief pause in her response before she spoke again. "Honestly, I just wish it would stop."

"Stop? Why?" Christian asked utterly confused.

"Because I don't want to feel this way."

Christian cocked his head to the side as he examined her closely. She was pulling away per usual. "Feel what way?"

"I like you, Christian. I really, really like you." Ana proclaimed. "And it scares me."

"I like you, too." He was quick to reciprocate his feelings. A little too quick.

Grabbing her delicate hand, he brushed his thumb on her clammy skin. He felt her tense in his grasp.

"These things I kept seeing, dreaming," her tone went soft. "They scare me, too. Every time I close my eyes, I don't know what I'll see or dream of or feel for you next."

"Ana, I know none of this is ideal, but you can't keep running from it," he squeezed her hand. "And from me."

Unexpectedly, she covered his hand that held hers with her other. Her audible sigh signaled for disappointment, but what she said next pleasantly surprised him.

"I don't want to run. That's the problem."

"That doesn't sound like a problem to me," he half smirked.

"Yes, it is." Her gaze shifted upward. He could see the sadness in her eyes as she looked at him. "I don't want to run, but I should. Every time I think I can finally walk away, these visions happen and I find myself wanting to be with you more."

"I feel the same way." Christian felt eager to embrace her. The elephant in the room was finally being addressed.

"I know you do. I know." The direction her tone did not settle with him well. "But we shouldn't feel this way. I can't help but think that the only reason we do have feelings for each other is because of what we keep seeing when we close our eyes."

"Or what we keep remembering."

Ana looked away in pain. "Christian..."

"You know I'm right. You've know about as long as I have why this keeps happening." His voice was firm.

When she returned her stare back to him, he saw the tears had already begun to swell in her eyes. He felt the instant guilt in his attempt to pry her acceptance of the matter out of her.

"But how is it possible?" She whispered.

"I don't know." He shook his head. "I wish I had the answer to that, but I don't. The only thing that I do know for sure is what I feel for you and that I've felt it for awhile."

"I still don't understand how it's possible, though."

"Maybe it's not meant to be understood. Maybe it's just meant to be felt." His wise words brought a sense of calm to the emotional storm that brewed not only inside her but him, too.

Honestly, he wanted to understand it. He wanted to make sense of it but the only imaginable conclusion that kept racking his brain seemed insane. While he wanted to voice his thought to her, the silence cradled them. The prior tension had begun to fade. If he were talk openly about it, their connection, the memories and every ounce of emotion he felt toward her, he was afraid it would only end in her pulling away. For once, he felt like his words had absorbed.

Then in an unlikely manner, she did something that surprised him again. She rested her head on his shoulder. Her hand that he held remained interlocked in his. They stayed like that for awhile. Both silent and lost in their thoughts unable to admit the lingering unsaid truths that haunted them. The images of his memory played like a short recap before a weekly TV show. How was this all possible? He bet Ana was still thinking the same thing.

As her hair brushed up against the skin of his cheek, he leaned into her. He could stay like this forever. With her, it felt right. It felt natural, but as he welcomed the comfort in having Ana next to him and his life, he felt a sting of guilt that continued to weigh him down.

Dismissing his internal negativity that had begun to creep back in, he asked, "What are you thinking about?"

His eyes glanced down at her. Ana removed her head from his shoulder with flushed pink cheeks.

"That I really want to kiss you right now," she shared bashfully.

Damn she was full of surprises today.

"You know you don't need my permission to do that." His playful tone suggested.

Ana shook her head as strands of her hair fell in front of her face. "I know, but I just got sick and...," her cheeks had become a a full blown shade of red out of embarrassment.

"At the chance of you getting sick again, maybe we should move back up to the main deck. It would probably do us both good to get some fresh air." He suggested. "There is a small bottle of mouth wash under the sink. You can freshen up if you want."

"How convenient," Ana noted.

"Yes, indeed."

A man always came prepared when the chance of a beautiful girl was around. In actuality, he knew why the bottle was there. This hadn't been the first time he found himself in this small bedroom of the yacht with another woman. The guilt stung again.

Touching her chin with his thumbs, he announced, "I'm going to leave you to it. If you still want to kiss me after you're done, you'll know where to find me." He ran his thumb along her bottom lip in temptation that she would.

With slight discomfort, he excused himself from his spot on the bed and made his way to the ladder. As he climbed his way back up, he felt the pain of his injured and bruised body send him a friendly reminder that he still had a long way to go when it came to healing. Fuck it hurt.

Once back up on the main deck, he informed the captain that it was time to turn back to shore. As much as he humored the idea of spending the day out on the lake with Ana, he knew better. Not only was her sudden illness whether it was due to sea sickness or not, it was best to continue an conversation or anything at all back on land.

Taking in a deep breath of fresh air, he scanned the city skyline. The skyscrapers and buildings seemed to go for miles. He loved this city and all of its wonderful attributes, but just like any place it had its flaws. Nothing, nowhere, and no one was perfect. He knew that better than anyone and just like that the warm blanket of his temporary happiness had been shed. The vulnerability of his situation and state of mind dominated him. No longer did he feel like the same man that had been below deck with Ana.

In his pocket, he felt his phone buzz once. If he hadn't felt grounded yet by his unfulfillment, the friendly reminder of his ongoing life had in the simple form of an incoming work email. Only glancing at it for a second, his mind spiraled down a defeated path. He hated how quickly he became less than content due to something so small. It was easy to numb himself by keeping busy or with distraction, but once the he slowed down and had time to himself the darkness always followed. His soul shriveled back into the cave that it had carved out inside of him.

He really needed to stop this pity party of one. It was getting him nowhere.

 _Nothing is set in stone. If you're not happy, change it_ , her words vibrated through him. How was it easier to hide his unhappiness than it was to change it? Maybe it was time for things to change, but how?

Shoving his hands into this pockets, he bowed his head in thought. He knew what made him happy. He knew who made him happy, but he didn't know how she could fit into his life without hurting everyone, including himself, in the path of doing so. Change was not easy. It never was, but it was a necessary part of life. Sometimes it just happened without warning. That's the funny thing about life, no matter how much you think you are in control of it sometimes life just has other plans. It's up to you to figure out how to make it work with what is handed to you.

"Fuck," he uttered.

He really had twisted himself into a million knots. It frustrated him to know he didn't have a simple solution for all this. While he wanted Ana in his life, especially after she proclaimed her feelings for him, but he refused to let her be a secret. It was and would be unfair to her to carry out a relationship in private. She didn't deserve that. She deserved someone who could give himself to her fully, and right now as much as he wanted to do that, he was not sure he could.

"Hey," her voice startled him.

"Hey," he exhaled and removed his hands from his pockets. Her arms snaked around his back and she smiled shyly up at him. "Is everything okay?"

Looking down at her, it broke him to think that the girl who tried again and again to push him away stood before him with willingness in her eyes. He inhaled the sight of her and prepared himself for what he was about to say next. But as he did, she leaned up and planted her lips upon his. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to taste her, but if he did he would would not be able to pull himself away. He would lose himself in her, something he desired, but knew went against his better judgment.

"Ana no," he pulled away. They say there is a first for everything and this was his moment to step on the brakes. "You're right. Maybe we shouldn't do this."

"What?"

"I like you. I even," his sentence could not be finished. What he wanted to say would be too much, too soon. He swallowed hard and took a step back from her. "My life is complicated right now. You shouldn't have to deal with my mess. I've already done the absolute worse I could do to you, please don't let me keep adding to it. You deserve better. You don't deserve me."

"I don't understand." Ana glanced away with confusion and anger. "We just, downstairs, you said, I said..." She could barely form a sentence together.

"I know, I know." Christian grabbed the back of her neck. God he was such an asshole for flipping on her like this. "I won't deny what I feel for you. What I want to do to you right now, but you were right earlier. I'm not happy and I need to change that."

"Let me help you," she pleaded.

"You make me happy, Ana, but I can't make you happy until I find my happiness." He said with deep regret. "Please, try to understand."

Breaking away from him, she turned toward the same skyline that had brought on his sudden shift. She was mad. She had every right to be mad. The way he acted before compared to now made him seem like he had a personality disorder. But as long as he continued to live his life the way he had been for so long, he would never be truly satisfied. For the first time, he wanted to change that he could only hope that Ana would understand. She had been his constant reminder of that.

"You know you can be a real ass sometimes." Ana remarked. "But I can't be mad at you for this."

He felt some relief in her response.

"You deserve to be happy, Christian." Her tears were visible. "I really mean that, but I don't know if I can keep doing this. I want you happy, but I don't know how long that will take. I don't know what will happen in that time while you do try to find it. What I do know is that I just can't sit around waiting."

"I don't want you to wait, Ana. You shouldn't have to, but I don't wan to lose you. I don't want to lose the one thing that makes me happy." His hand reached out to touch her.

"Sometimes we have to sacrifice what makes us happy to make ourselves better."

Shit, he was losing her. This was not how he envisioned this going, but what did he expect? That they would go their separate ways, he would try to make amends with his life, make the necessary changes and then welcome her back when the time was right? No. That was fantasy not reality.

Their time together was drifting closer to an end as the yacht began to approach docks. He didn't want to end it like this. He didn't want to leave her knowing that this could be the last time he ever saw her again. The city was big. It was easy to lose someone in it.

"Ana, I'm sorry." He replied.

"Me too," she nodded her head as a single tear fell down her cheek. "Maybe in another life this would have worked."

The hairs on his neck stood as she said it. He knew damn well that she did not mean that lightly. It seemed even in real life and in whatever the hell it was that held so many forgotten memories he couldn't hold on to her. "Maybe."

As the yacht docked, it made him to want throw her over his shoulder and carry her back down into the lower deck. He wasn't even sure he was physically capable of doing something like that right now, but the desperation within sent adrenaline through him. There was nothing he could say or do now. He had already made his wants in life clear. He could not go back on it now.

"I think it's best if we don't see each other. I will request when I get home to change my weekly physical therapy appointments so we can keep our distance." Ana turned to him.

"You mean so you can keep your distance." He corrected her in a tone that may have been a little too harsh.

"I have to," she sighed heavily.

"And what if we run into each other by chance?" That was a very likely possibility.

"Christian, if you really are serious about finding your happiness, you'll keep your distance too." Her response sounded more like a warning than as advice, and once again she was right.

Stepping forward, her facial features were soft yet sorrowful. He really did not want this to be it for them. What if the dreams kept happening even after she left? Or what if they stopped? The uncertainty of the situation made him feel sick. He kept it together, though as she placed her hand on his bicep as she stood on the tips of her toes and kissed him on the cheek. Her final words being, "Good luck, Christian. I hope you find your happiness."


End file.
